Suspect I am bu but wanted gentle opinions.

[Theodoreb]

I had to go into hospital for surgery would have died if I hadn't gone in when I did, I don't work have 3 dc with SN and my mum had to look after them while I was in hospital so now I have to pay her £300 for the two days of work.

I have paid it (this was just before Christmas) just wondering how many others would have to pay if they had to go into hospital? My mum takes holidays for my sister as she's on less money as I'm on disability, so my sister doesn't have to pay.

I have paid I haven't said a bad word about it but in my head I'm a little upset.

The only way this is ok is if they refused annual leave and she had to take it unpaid.

Because actually I don't see why she should be £300 out of pocket, as she doesn't sound especially wealthy and is obviously worried about housing once she retires.

If it's just a case of her having to turn down overtime, or wanting to make a profit, it's appalling and I think you must (1) find someone else to rely on in emergencies, and (2) remember this next time she needs help.

You posted before about how you gave your children to her for care when you were going through a crisis. And she cared for them for a long period of time. It’s not fair of you to slag her off now.

This.

God no. My mum would never make me pay her like this.

Your Mum sounds selfish.

@sst1234

Your Mum sounds selfish.

Really? Because it sounds like neither the op or her ex have their shit together at all.

Your Mum sounds selfish.

No she doesn’t. She sounds fed up of being taken advantage of when there is no expectation that the children’s father could actually care for them in their own home.

£300 for two days to make up for lost wages, so she clears £150 a day, but you get more money than her?

@NancyPickford that’s a good point

The child tax credit disabled child allowance is £3500 each child, and an extra £1400 on top each if severely disabled. That’s in addition to child tax credit, DLA, PIP etc. It’s a lot more than basic universal credit or many jobs but obviously it’s there to recognise the extra expense of having a disability. Additional childcare costs may be one of those expenses

If it happens again, call social services and say that you need foster care for your children. That won’t cost you £300.

And I hope social services ask what the children's father is doing while all this is going on. It's ridiculous to take up valuable resources when there is another parent available.

@nimbuscloud

You posted before about how you gave your children to her for care when you were going through a crisis. And she cared for them for a long period of time. It’s not fair of you to slag her off now.

Wow!

So did she have to give up work?

How is this woman so awful that stepping back is necessary, but she's fine to look after kids?

I would never expect anyone to look after my children without being paid. It is quite entitled to expect your family to sort the situation out for you and to do it for free.

@MaskingForIt

If it happens again, call social services and say that you need foster care for your children. That won’t cost you £300.

Yeah that's not going to happen. Be real.

What your mum did was very odd especially as it wasn't like you were having a boob job

My mum would not have charged me for childcare

It breeds bad feeling, are you going to charge her for care when she is old and needs help?

"Being honest my mum is jealous of my disability money, i think she's always going on about how much money I have and how lucky I am to have it."

Oh my good god.

No, my family would never have asked for money in this situation. That's horrible behaviour you poor thing.

YANBU thats awful.

I know in similar circumstances the primary school my DD goes to has taken children in their wrap around for free.

Either your mother is bang out of order, or there's a whole load more to this story.

Sounds like the mother is working bloody hard 72 hrs a week to maintain a roof over her head and get a mortgage. Good on her but you feel you have to slag her off yet the father of your children sits on his arse all week but you don’t mention him. Why can’t he get a job or look after your kids.

The priorities, values and opinions are so mixed up here. The one person who is going out to a factory for 72 hrs a week is getting slagged off.

I think that both OP & her Mum have been through a lot & it's not as simple as it seems.

Get a childminder instead

My mum would do it for free even on a normal day, isn't that what family is for? Very strange but I suppose every family is different.

@BungleandGeorge

The child tax credit disabled child allowance is £3500 each child, and an extra £1400 on top each if severely disabled. That’s in addition to child tax credit, DLA, PIP etc. It’s a lot more than basic universal credit or many jobs but obviously it’s there to recognise the extra expense of having a disability. Additional childcare costs may be one of those expenses

Quite @BungleandGeorge a single parent on disability with 3 SN DCs could receive £700 a week, a bit more, a bit less..

Housing costs, council tax benefit or child maintenance would be paid ON TOP of that. £300 is all relative to the actual income.

I think it does depend on whether or not your mum desperately needs that money- if she missed work, did not get paid as a result and could not pay bills and necessities without that £300, then of course you should cover her costs. If she could afford to be £300 down, then it is very difficult to understand why she is asking for the money.