Suspect I am bu but wanted gentle opinions.

[Theodoreb]

I had to go into hospital for surgery would have died if I hadn't gone in when I did, I don't work have 3 dc with SN and my mum had to look after them while I was in hospital so now I have to pay her £300 for the two days of work.

I have paid it (this was just before Christmas) just wondering how many others would have to pay if they had to go into hospital? My mum takes holidays for my sister as she's on less money as I'm on disability, so my sister doesn't have to pay.

I have paid I haven't said a bad word about it but in my head I'm a little upset.

How often does she have to look after them? It makes a difference whether it was a one off or whether she regularly loses earnings by looking after them?

She works 6 12hr shifts in a factory normally as she does overtime but could only work 4 that week as I was in hospital.
By any measure that is a lot of hours - 72 hours a week! That's double what most people work.
Is there more to this than meets the eye? Is your mum particularly sensitive to not having money or not having a nest egg? Some people feel out of control if they don't have their money all sorted out.

That's shocking, I was taken into Intensive Care a few years ago as an emergency, my mum took weeks off work and came to stay which was 150 miles away from her home as I'm a lone parent to a DS who is not allowed contact with his 'father'. NOTHING was mentioned about money/work etc... I think she was lucky enough to get some paid compassionate leave, but not 100% as it's just not something that was thought of!

If your mum had had holiday left would she have taken it and not charged you?

It does seem odd to charge-what would you have done if she couldn't have taken the time off?

Would your mum really be earning nearly £50k net a year? That's what it would work out as...

£300 for 2 x 12 hour shifts = £12.50 per hour
6 x 12 hour shifts per week x 52 weeks x £12.50 per hour = £46,800

That's about £66k gross per year.

It's bad enough that she has made you pay anything, but if she's earning that much surely she can't be short of money?

@NOTANUM she is saving for a mortgage, she wants a house badly she's always dreamed of owning her own home but never managed to do it so now she's pulling out all the stops to get on the ladder. She is putting all the extra money into savings for a deposit on a house, but is very resentful of how much she is working even though it's her choice.

Couldn’t their Dad have stayed at your house to look after them? If you’re out of action they are 100% his responsibility. (I realise you can’t force him to)

So they have a father who could have taken time off & moved into your house to look after his own kids?

Perhaps she feels that he should have done something?

If things are not good though, best to step back.

I do think though that sometimes GPs are expected to just step up, no matter that they have a full time job for example!

No I wouldn't have to pay. She sounds awful op, sorry

I think it appalling she asked you for money

Just remember this for the future

Op your mum doesn't sound very nice.

If I were you when I had some spare time I would be investigating cheaper childcare options that you are able to use next time there's an emergency.

Does she normally earn £150 a day after tax?

Considering everything though, mean and weird of her to ask and then take your money. Or I guess you could have gone halves - you pay her for one day of lost earnings and she donates the other.

Still weird though, unless I was a actively skint I would not ask my kids for any money in this situation.

Wow. I have never been asked for money to look after my kids by any family members ( or friends for that matter). In my opinion it's really rude. That's not what family is about. I'm so sorry your mum is like this. I once had a 'friend' whose Mum charged us for staying at her house overnight. I was gobsmacked and deeply disappointed in the friend who did not stand up to her and didn't even seem embarrassed or apologetic. I rarely talk to her now. It showed me a lot about her as a person.

Their dad sound have stepped up and looked after them.

Sorry about typo

All these people who wouldn't have to pay-would their Mum be taking time off & losing money whilst the other parent doesn't step up?

That is really sad. Yanbu. A few times my mum has had to miss work to help me out including after emergency surgery. She is on minimum wage and can’t work as much as she would like to. On the occasions she’s had to drop everything and come help me for a few days she would not take a penny from me even though I’ve asked her to.

I broke my foot a couple of years ago.

My friend happily dropped DC home for me for 3 weeks (right before school holiday hence the short time for foot healing, I’m not magic 🤣)

Yet my mother charged me for petrol to do the pick up even though the detour wasn’t a detour at all. She went right past my house and DCs school to drop off my sibling at school (a teen at the time) and DC was consistently late for that period because mother wouldn’t leave the house 5minutes earlier. She would drop off sibling then back track to do DC drop off. It made no sense to me tbf.

It’s one tiny issue in a long catalogue of general crap behaviour as to why I am now no contact with my mother

And yes there is resentment too because my DC is entitled to child DLA and I can’t work and claim carers allowance. My mother also looks after siblings children but not mine.

Your mother is a right cow for doing that.

If ANY money was to change hands it should only have been for pizza or to get extra nappies or what not.

Your ‘mother ‘ is vile.

I look after my grandchildren for free all the time. We've done 3 full days on Tuesday, Wednesday and today this week alone.

We do it because I want to see my daughter getting on her feet again and becoming more financially independent. We can do it because I don't do paid work.

Looking back on when I was working I don't think I would be able to help out nearly as much, but the issues would be about taking time off than about finances. I wouldn't want to be paid for it because we don't need the money. Other people's circumstances will be different.

I don’t think it’s unreasonable for your mother to want the amount she is losing in wages made up. I wouldn’t have asked if I were in that position, but you are not inside her head and nobody quite knows the pressure another person is under - even if self inflicted.

Isn’t DLA/PP supposed to be for for the extra costs of having a disability? I’d put having a specific carer for SEN DC in that category, even if family.

*PIP, sorry typo

Just she generally treat you sister so differently to yourself?

Either way I think you need to do as others have said and take a bit step back

Sorry just also thought, is the reason your mum didn't have any holiday left because she had used it looking after your sisters kids?

Having seen other posts, I will say that we also do this because my daughter is a single parent with an abusive ex who lives over 2 hours away. We are her only support.

When we were bringing up our own small children it was my husband who picked up the slack if I was ill or hospitalised. For various reasons my parents couldn't help at all. I would expect that the other parent does their bit first before others are called on.