Thanks you so much for all the kind replies. I appear to have committed a social faux pas by not replying yet. A lot of you seemed to be enjoying yourselves arguing, playing the oppression olympics and venting your frustrations on your mothers. I didn't want to spoil the fun.
Anyway, if I had come back to say that I am not controlling, emotionally abusive, manipulative, whatever, I'm sure those of you who think I am, would not have believed me. There would have been a round of well she would say that wouldn't she. My controlling abusive manipulative mother denies it as well.
The important thing (for me) is that I have learned that not everyone (from a vaguely Christian heritage) does talk to their parents or children on Christmas day. It was certainly universal amongst my family and friends at one time, but perhaps that was a regional thing or is now old fashioned.
Either way, you have proved my son correct, and I have explained and apologised, via email.
I think I did mess up a bit by putting the word “phone” in the title of this post. We don't use land lines or mobile calls because that costs money. Video calls via What's App or Skype are free. We still call it “phoning” though, which is a bit misleading.
I do not generally initiate these video calls (despite knowing it works both ways), because it is more intrusive than messages and emails. My son and DIL both work from home, sometimes long days and odd hours. I have no way of knowing when they would be free for a call (except Xmas day – and I'm not going there again). So, I message or email, and they use their judgement and reply when it fits in with their workload. We agree times for video calls the same way – usually every couple of months.
They are located in the far East because the UK would not give DIL a work permit. My son had extricated himself from my evil clutches many years before they had to make that decision.
Finally, I do pleed guilty to the terrible crime of being ever so slightly jealous of his fantastic life. I am by and large very happy that he is more prosperous and happier than me. I have had a better life than my mother and a much, much better life than my grans. We all want better lives for our children, but it's only human, surely, to think you'd have liked to have done some of the things they are doing?
I think that covers everything? Bye, and thanks again for the kind comments.