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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Horrible woman in supermarket

261 replies

AnxiousSM · 30/12/2020 15:21

I’ve just visited our local supermarket, it’s one of the cheaper, rush through at twice the speed of light ones. There was one queue that split into two tills at the end. The woman in front had two items and I had a trolley full. She was waiting to see which would be quicker and holding up the queue. I always join the slowest one as it gives a bit of time to get loaded up. I asked her very politely which till she would be using and she was really horrible, barked at me that it was her choice and I’d have to wait for her as the queue was for both tills.

I have severe anxiety and I almost burst into tears. Is this UR or am I being a wimp? I can’t stop thinking about it?? WTF is wrong with me?

OP posts:
Fatfunt · 30/12/2020 15:22

She was rude!!! Sorry this happened to you Flowers

generallygenial · 30/12/2020 15:23

You said there was 1 queue was for 2 tills. So she would go to whichever till was available quickest.

YABU and extra unreasonable to be so upset. Not everyone does things in the same way as you.

Are you getting help for your anxiety?

Rudolphian · 30/12/2020 15:23

She shouldn't have been rude.
But you should have waited your turn.

TLIMSISNW · 30/12/2020 15:24

She was rude. Maybe she’s a horrible person or maybe she’s stressed out, sick of COVID and cringing about it now.

Either way, you didn’t do anything wrong. Sorry you had that happen Flowers

LizzieVereker · 30/12/2020 15:24

She was rude, but her reaction says far more about her than it does about you. Try not to overthink it if you can.

Original poster
AnxiousSM · 30/12/2020 15:24

I did wait, I didn’t push in front of her.

OP posts:
katy1213 · 30/12/2020 15:24

She was rude - but you are being a wimp to let her bother you. Forget it.

Original poster
AnxiousSM · 30/12/2020 15:26

Thanks katy1213 that made me smile, I needed it, I’m a wimp and need to woman up, it’s not the end of the world is it?

OP posts:
Mrgrinch · 30/12/2020 15:26

YABU you were rushing her.

generallygenial · 30/12/2020 15:27

Why did you need to know which queue she was going to?

Yes she shouldn't have 'barked' (did she actually or you've just interpreted it this way?) but you should have just waiting patiently

Its like people who beep car horns when the person in front of them doesn't start driving on an amber light.

daisypond · 30/12/2020 15:28

She was rude in her response, and there was nothing wrong with you asking which till she would use. But it does sound like you were /she thought you were trying to push ahead of her. But put it to the back of your mind. It’s no reason to get stressed about it.

LawnFever · 30/12/2020 15:28

She was rude but why did you need to ask? Supermarkets are stressful at the moment, why did you feel the need to rush her along if you were happy to wait anyway? Confused

Jumbojem · 30/12/2020 15:29

I think to burst into tears is not a normal reaction. You can't control other people so I would work on your reactions/resilience. Supermarkets, esp if busy, can be stressful for us all right now. She may have felt anxious about being seen to hold up the queue and so snapped when pressed. This may have been rude of her, impossible to say without being there as context is key in these situations.
I hope you are able to seek help with your anxiety.

Original poster
AnxiousSM · 30/12/2020 15:29

Both tills were almost the same wait but were both almost at payment stage. I was stressing as I had to load all my stuff first, I like to load it as the person in front is packing (if that makes sense). She had two items, I had loads, so I just asked her which till she wanted.

OP posts:
Topseyt · 30/12/2020 15:30

It does sound as though she was pretty rude and snappy, but I'm not really clear why you needed to ask her the question?

It could have come across as though you were trying to hurry her along. I know you weren't, but that could have been an unintended consequence. I'd just have waited to see.

I don't think that you really need to give it much headspace though.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 30/12/2020 15:30

The whole point of a joint queue is that people flow into the till that is moving quicker. It is annoying when people pretend not to understand this because they just want the person in front to get out of their way. Next time just wait until you are at the front of the line.

Jumbojem · 30/12/2020 15:31

Apologies, just reread and you didn't actually cry. I'd just try to let it go and don't over think it. I think the other lady may also have been stressed/anxious to react as she did.

lifeinacupoftea · 30/12/2020 15:31

There's not so nice people unfortunately ( I always try to remember everyone has different circumstances, we don't know what's going on in there lives) but some people are just down right rude. Luckily we have nice, considerate people too.
It seems you are the latter, a nicer person than she was today. I'm sure you'd rather be you than her.

PurpleDaisies · 30/12/2020 15:32

I don’t think some of these posters have any idea what anxiety can be like. Flowers

You didn’t do anything wrong. She won’t still be thinking about you. What can you do now to distract yourself so you’re not going over and over it?

Original poster
AnxiousSM · 30/12/2020 15:32

I didn’t pretend to misunderstand. She was holding things up and did hold up the rest of the queue because I ended up taking longer because I was loading up when I could have been packing.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 30/12/2020 15:34

I think she might well have interpreted your question as trying to ptessure her and might have been a bit snappy - unsurprisingly so I believe. Most people don't want to stay any longer than they have to in enclosed places at the moment or interact unnecessarily.

Lemonpiano · 30/12/2020 15:34

Unless you were visiting such a niche supermarket that there's only one in the entire country, I think it's ok to just say "I was in aldi/lidl".

She was following the queuing system, you were being pushy, she told you to back off, you did. Not a big deal.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 30/12/2020 15:34

You don't sound anxious tbh, just impatient.

daisypond · 30/12/2020 15:34

But some of your stress is self-induced. You don’t have to load it at the same time someone else is packing, you just like to. It doesn’t really matter if it’s loaded in advance anyway because the till person can only put each item through one at a time.

Want2beme · 30/12/2020 15:35

Someone was a bit off with me last week at the till. I just raised my eyes and thought, oh well, she's having a bad day/moment. Try not to let it get you down. I remind myself that there's billions of people out there, and all very different.