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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Horrible woman in supermarket

261 replies

AnxiousSM · 30/12/2020 15:21

I’ve just visited our local supermarket, it’s one of the cheaper, rush through at twice the speed of light ones. There was one queue that split into two tills at the end. The woman in front had two items and I had a trolley full. She was waiting to see which would be quicker and holding up the queue. I always join the slowest one as it gives a bit of time to get loaded up. I asked her very politely which till she would be using and she was really horrible, barked at me that it was her choice and I’d have to wait for her as the queue was for both tills.

I have severe anxiety and I almost burst into tears. Is this UR or am I being a wimp? I can’t stop thinking about it?? WTF is wrong with me?

OP posts:

JazzyGeoff · 30/12/2020 16:21

Our Lidl used to be the whack em through, start throwing if the customer hasn't got to the till yet place, but now, everyone waits and leaves massive gaps on the belts which makes it really fucking hard going

OnlyheretovoteonAIBU · 30/12/2020 16:21

You shouldn’t have been pushy and she shouldn’t have been snappy. Just let it go.

PurpleDaisies · 30/12/2020 16:21

It wasn’t a horrible comment. It was a “ everyone who goes to a supermarket will have to queue at some point” comment.
Anxiety, disability, age, colour. None of them have fuck all to do with anything because we are all equal in the queue.

That comment has been deleted now and I won’t repeat it. You are totally mischaracterising what was said.

TheSilentStars · 30/12/2020 16:21

@AnxiousSM

How do you see my behaviour as being unpleasant?

If you need it spelling out, let's put ourselves in the position of a customer, waiting her turn in a supermarket. Both tills still serving, as you said. You ask the woman which one she's going to go to. She probably thought you were being sarcastic at best, and we're trying to rush her, at worst. How the chuff is she supposed to know which one will finish first? Crystal ball? You say you suffer from anxiety. I have health anxiety- no namechange so you can look me up if you want. Anxiety is invisible isn't it? Maybe the other woman had it. I don't think, actually, you are being over-sensitive. I do get that. I think you shouldn't have asked her a stupid question that she wasn't going to know the answer to.

I queued for 1h 15 mins just to get into our post office this morning- and people kept coming up to the queue and saying "is this the queue" when I got to the front, and was waiting to see which window freed up first I'd have probably had the same reaction if the bloke behind me had wanted to know which one I intended to use. How the feck did I know till one became free?

Lookslikerainted · 30/12/2020 16:25

She’s was very rude but it should be something you could shake off. Sorry you’re struggling.

Cakemonger · 30/12/2020 16:25

You haven't done anything wrong having that reaction OP, it's just how you felt. On a good day I might have thought 'that was a bit rude' and shrugged it off and on a bad day I think I might have felt a bit upset also. Her reaction is her problem.

UpShutTheFuck · 30/12/2020 16:26

It’s the op saying they barked back

It's unlikely that they barked see also MILs "screaming"

SmileyClare · 30/12/2020 16:26

Sorry you're feeling a bit shit op.

I think it's important to remember that the majority of people are kind and considerate of others. It's just the few that aren't are more noticeable!

Possibly the woman was stressed or had some issues herself and didn't actually mean to snap at you? Maybe she's at home regretting being rude in hindsight or not

I sometimes pick over social interactions in my head and wonder if I could have acted differently? Did I offend someone? Or cringe and think Why did I say that? blah blah..It rarely helps!

The bottom line is you were polite and civil, you did nothing wrong. Don't take it personally.

bloodyhairy · 30/12/2020 16:27

My eyebrows are well and truly raised at a few of these comments.
To be honest OP, I bet some of these are more unpleasant than the till interaction itself!
You didn't do anything wrong. The woman in front was selfishly hedging her bets, while you could have been unloading your trolley, as you say.
Hope you're ok.

ravenmum · 30/12/2020 16:29

I live in Germany and have had many years to develop an efficient system for getting in and out of the till as fast as possible, keeping up with even the speediest of workers. Load up the belt in any random order, then unload into the trolley similarly - no bagging things, no putting heavy items first, that comes later once you're away from the till. Just grab the stuff and sling it into the trolley. It's an art.

The trouble at the moment is that (here) you are supposed to give the person in front of you lots of space before you start putting your things on the belt. But some people behind you get annoyed when you are waiting for the person in front - they stand immediately behind you without social distancing and give you a dirty look. Maybe this lady had a bad experience with someone like that, and thought that you meant she should move forwards before she was ready. After all, she is unlikely ever to have knowingly come across someone who is anxious about using a till - whereas she's very likely to have come across impatient Covid nonbelievers before. She's probably off on another forum complaining about that.

BoxingDayTurkey · 30/12/2020 16:30

I'm surprised at the votes for YABU

It's not reasonable to wait until both tills have finished paying before going to one and unloading - you just pick one and start so as not to hold the queue up. As it is OP could have unloaded and been ready to pay by which time the woman in front with her two items would probably already have gone through and the person behind OP unloaded onto her till

By hanging around with her two items to see which till might be slightly quicker the woman did hold the queue up and had a ridiculous reaction to a polite request from OP

Sorry OP and I think you've had some strange replies

ChikiTIKI · 30/12/2020 16:33

She was being horrible.

Don't be hard on yourself for feeling upset about it. Everything is harder at the moment. She massively overreacted. And you got more upset than maybe it was worth.

Best just to try and move on I think. And you never know, she might be at home worrying about this too. Maybe she was really anxious but it came out in a different way.

Fluffycloudland77 · 30/12/2020 16:33

This is why I shop in Waitrose or M&S foodhall, you don’t get any of this shit.

I saw two men having a fight over a car parking space in Aldi car park once.

LimpidPools · 30/12/2020 16:34

Sounds like she was rude.

I've voted that you were unreasonable because you've taken it to heart so.

Also, you're ok to exist in the world. Yes, those supermarkets want you to be quick, but you can still take the time you reasonably need to sort yourself and your shopping out. I know it's stressful and panic-inducing, but try to stop worrying so much about inconveniencing other people. They aren't grateful and you just end up winding yourself up.

ravenmum · 30/12/2020 16:36

OP described this as There was one queue that split into two tills at the end - sounds like this was the system in use, not something this lady started.

I voted YABU, as almost bursting into tears when someone is slightly snappy in a queue is not a "reasonable" reaction. It's a sign of OP's anxiety and she needs to recognise it as such, so that she can better judge her own state of mind and look out for warning signs that she might need to look after herself.

SmileyClare · 30/12/2020 16:36

I'm surprised some people are so Hell bent on saving a few precious seconds in the queue they think it's reasonable to be snappy at others, or get annoyed with the rest of the queue.

Most normal people would have chosen a till and ushered you to the other one wouldn't they? Especially as you asked politely. The woman may have delayed her shop exit by approximately 3 seconds by doing this.

All these people falling over themselves to document their random acts of kindness on FaceBook but in a real life queue situation every fucking second counts, it's every man for himself.

Reallybadidea · 30/12/2020 16:37

I think most people commenting don't have much experience of Lidl/Aldi. I've never known a 'one queue for 2 tills' in either. It's totally antisocial to try and hover between 2 tills in these supermarkets - the aim of the game is to get people through as quickly as possible and if people piss about trying to hog 2 lanes then it slows everyone up. I'd have asked too OP, doesn't sound like you hassled her and she sounds rude. Try and put it out of your mind

ddl1 · 30/12/2020 16:38

YANBU that she was rude; but you don't know her issues - she may have anxiety too, may be under great stress, or may have just been in a queue where someone barged ahead of her, so thinks that everyone is trying to do so, I wouldn't worry too much about it; it's not as though she's an important person in your life.

Reallybadidea · 30/12/2020 16:39

@Fluffycloudland77

This is why I shop in Waitrose or M&S foodhall, you don’t get any of this shit.

I saw two men having a fight over a car parking space in Aldi car park once.

I saw two women fighting over a reduced turkey in Waitrose on Xmas eve once. Never seen anything like it in Lidl or Aldi.

Cakemonger · 30/12/2020 16:41

Reallybadidea Waitrose shoppers are ruthless!

dottiedodah · 30/12/2020 16:42

She sounds rude TBH! I had difficulty reversing out of a tight car park space the other day, (a car had appeared at a slight angle which made it very hard to get back without hitting another car behind IFSYIM ) Some complete idiots laughed and pointed at me ! The Car park marshal gave me a hand out thankfully .Some people are just Arseholes Im afraid .Dont worry yourself .I got home and felt annoyed ,but as DD said "Tell them to Fuck off!"

MimiDaisy11 · 30/12/2020 16:43

Maybe she's also anxious and felt like you were rushing her. I do see your POV and it is stressful when you're loading the belt and the cashier is putting them through and you have to pack like mad when you're done.

ravenmum · 30/12/2020 16:43

I go to Lidl, Aldi and Netto all the time, living in Germany - and no, usually there are separate queues. However, as some of these shops are quite narrow, in Covid times you do sometimes see a weird queue forming because the store layout means you can't stand back while still forming two separate queues.

I love saving seconds in the queue, as a private race to beat my own previous personal best time :)
But the impatience you see is normally due to the massive bloody queues caused by a lack of staff/tills, plus the people who don't bellieve in social distancing.

ScreamingBeans · 30/12/2020 16:44

Everyone is so aggressive these days due to Covid.

No, it's not due to Covid. Those people who are horrible, always were and will be once Covid's over.

2021isgoingtobeasshitas2020 · 30/12/2020 16:47

Oh how horrible
I know how you feel re anxiety. I just want to get in and out as fast as possible. I think what is even worse, is when till assistants are rude and don't help.

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