Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 10 11

Original poster

Horrible woman in supermarket

261 replies

AnxiousSM · 30/12/2020 15:21

I’ve just visited our local supermarket, it’s one of the cheaper, rush through at twice the speed of light ones. There was one queue that split into two tills at the end. The woman in front had two items and I had a trolley full. She was waiting to see which would be quicker and holding up the queue. I always join the slowest one as it gives a bit of time to get loaded up. I asked her very politely which till she would be using and she was really horrible, barked at me that it was her choice and I’d have to wait for her as the queue was for both tills.

I have severe anxiety and I almost burst into tears. Is this UR or am I being a wimp? I can’t stop thinking about it?? WTF is wrong with me?

OP posts:

MarinPrime · 30/12/2020 15:37

Your question was irrelevant. If there's one queue she would use which ever till was free first.
YABU to be upset at her reply because she was only stating the obvious.
Some people have an unfortunate manner, or bark, but there's no need to take it personally.

KnitsAndGiggles · 30/12/2020 15:37

You're much nicer than me, I would have just started loading my stuff on. The point of those supermarkets is speed and she was holding up 2 tills so she didn't have to wait an extra 30 seconds

Original poster

AnxiousSM · 30/12/2020 15:38

@TheYearOfSmallThings ok thanks, I’ll let my doctor know you believe her diagnosis is wrong via a couple of anonymous posts on an Internet forum.

OP posts:

WilsonMilson · 30/12/2020 15:40

I totally get you - sometimes it’s the most innocuous things that are upsetting.

I’m not usually so anxious, but covid has got me in a knot at times and I’ve overreacted to things that wouldn’t normally phase me - and mostly in supermarket settings. Just last week I cried in the car after someone upset me.

Try not to take it personally and just move on. You are being a wimp, but in the nicest way. This woman may have had a hellish day and her snapping at you was her last straw. It wasn’t about you.

Funkypolar · 30/12/2020 15:41

Everyone is so aggressive these days due to Covid. I send DH to the supermarket now, no other shops open. That just leads me to contend with the angry receptionist in the antenatal clinic every few weeks!

People, who needs people?

SatanClaus · 30/12/2020 15:41

Are you getting help for your anxiety?

Well that was faster than anticipated, 2 posts in before the faux concern excuse for being a bit of a cow comment.
Well done. Have a

That one really does need adding to the MN bingo card.

Aprilx · 30/12/2020 15:42

@AnxiousSM

I didn’t pretend to misunderstand. She was holding things up and did hold up the rest of the queue because I ended up taking longer because I was loading up when I could have been packing.

She wasn’t holding anything up. There were other people at the tills, her choosing a till sooner rather than waiting to see which one finishes first would have taken up a half second longer. You were being impatient and yes a big baby for wanting to cry over a non event.

Original poster

AnxiousSM · 30/12/2020 15:43

There’s been a lot on TV about how COVID has made everyone kinder and nicer to one another. I don’t see this anywhere, in fact the complete opposite.

I understand how hard and stressful it all is. I just wish people thought first before being horrible to a stranger.

OP posts:

daisypond · 30/12/2020 15:46

@AnxiousSM

There’s been a lot on TV about how COVID has made everyone kinder and nicer to one another. I don’t see this anywhere, in fact the complete opposite.

I understand how hard and stressful it all is. I just wish people thought first before being horrible to a stranger.

But don’t you see? She probably thought you were being horrible to her. That’s the thing with anxiety - it becomes a lot about how you feel, and not so much about how other people feel.

TheSilentStars · 30/12/2020 15:46

How was she holding the queue up if there was only one queue? When the first till to become free became free surely she'd move to it?
It sounds like she thought you were rushing her (when she had nowhere to actually go at that point)

LagneyandCasey · 30/12/2020 15:46

People are definitely snappier in shops at the moment, generally due to being wanting to get in and out as quickly and safely as possible. Don't take it personally.

I hate shopping at the moment. It's a horrible atmosphere. I miss the smiles and snippets of conversation with people.

Onetimenamechanger · 30/12/2020 15:47

how old are you op if you don’t mind me asking? Just a general idea if you don’t want to be detailed. I could see myself getting upset if I was in my 20s but not to the point of nearly crying. Unless you are very young I think your reaction was extreme!

Original poster

AnxiousSM · 30/12/2020 15:48

I really couldn’t have been more polite when asking her. I said excuse me, do you know which till you’d like to use? Nicely and smiling (under my mask).

OP posts:

Original poster

AnxiousSM · 30/12/2020 15:49

I’m in my 40s but have severe anxiety so my reactions could be assumed to be severe by some.

OP posts:

Jollibeezus · 30/12/2020 15:49

She was a bitch but maybe you need more help with your anxiety?

Fuckstickss · 30/12/2020 15:50

It doesn't sound like she was horrible to you at all.

Gazelda · 30/12/2020 15:50

I agree with Daisypond's last post.
But OP, please put this out of your mind. She didn't cause you harm, other shoppers wouldn't have given it a second thought, the till staff wouldn't have noticed.

If it helps, perhaps tell yourself that her response said more about her than you. Or that if she is usually so snappy, then maybe she doesn't have the happiest of lives. Either way, she has has no effect on your life. Put it behind you and enjoy the rest of your day.

Original poster

AnxiousSM · 30/12/2020 15:51

She was probably in her 60s.

OP posts:

lljkk · 30/12/2020 15:51

imho, You didn't do anything wrong to ask her to choose a Q, OP.

If I may be critical, the only thing you're doing wrong is letting this snappy lady upset you. We don't know her history but it doesn't matter. She's not worth your energy to wonder about.

IliveonCoffee · 30/12/2020 15:51

Was there only one queue because she'd made it that way? As in, normally when you go everyone queues behind a till and waits for that particular till but this time she was making everyone queue as a whole?

Tbh she sounds rude, in her response. And while I don't think you were particularly impolite to ask the question, you shouldn't ask ones you're not prepared for the answer to. I think any answer other than 'oh sorry, yes this one!' would probably come off as rude/abrupt or stubborn.

More importantly don't rush yourself. I have a tendency to try and make myself as small as possible, to move out the way quickly and feel embarrassed over what I perceive as 'too long'. But then I remind myself, I have as much right as everyone else to be there. I don't mind people taking a few extra seconds to examine an item, or take a few minutes longer because they have a full trolley. I am entitled to the same time and patience and no less deserving of being in the store, or checking out at the same pace as everyone else.

To be clear, I don't deliberately take a long time or take up space unnecessarily. Just that I'm trying to stop myself from perceiving that I am, when actually I'm only taking as much as any 'normal' person, and therefore reminding myself I'm allowed to have the same amount of time as everyone else.

Bunchup · 30/12/2020 15:52

I said excuse me, do you know which till you’d like to use?

You hassled her. It's really not on. I'd have barked at you too.

Original poster

AnxiousSM · 30/12/2020 15:53

Thanks everyone. It’s helped put it into context. I try to use the “will it matter in 5 mins/5hours/5days” and Of course it won’t.

OP posts:

daisypond · 30/12/2020 15:53

Look at it like this. You’re in a shop with a couple of items to buy. Right behind you is someone with a trolley load of stuff. You are waiting for the first available till _as you should. The (pushy) person behinds you asks what till you are going to use. How do you know the answer to that? Now you feel stressed because of an “aggressive” tailgating shopper behind you trying to hurry you along, and in addition your mum is seriously ill with COVID and you’ve left your children at home alone.

LaceyBetty · 30/12/2020 15:54

I have severe anxiety and I almost burst into tears. Is this UR or am I being a wimp? I can’t stop thinking about it?? WTF is wrong with me?

You've answered your own question. What is "wrong" with you, is that you have severe anxiety. Not your fault. But hopefully you can relax and realise it's your anxiety that is causing your reaction. I hope you can put it out of your mind. I don't have anxiety and would have just barked back, but appreciate that is not something you would feel you could do given the anxiety.

Jenstar123 · 30/12/2020 15:55

It’s horrible having anxiety but for all you know this lady could also suffer from anxiety and felt pressured/rushed into deciding which till to go to by a stranger behind her and reacted badly. You never know what others are going through.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 10 11