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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Horrible woman in supermarket

261 replies

AnxiousSM · 30/12/2020 15:21

I’ve just visited our local supermarket, it’s one of the cheaper, rush through at twice the speed of light ones. There was one queue that split into two tills at the end. The woman in front had two items and I had a trolley full. She was waiting to see which would be quicker and holding up the queue. I always join the slowest one as it gives a bit of time to get loaded up. I asked her very politely which till she would be using and she was really horrible, barked at me that it was her choice and I’d have to wait for her as the queue was for both tills.

I have severe anxiety and I almost burst into tears. Is this UR or am I being a wimp? I can’t stop thinking about it?? WTF is wrong with me?

OP posts:

Original poster

AnxiousSM · 30/12/2020 15:55

Thanks @daisypond you’ve made your point, I appreciate your comments.

OP posts:

IamMariahScarey · 30/12/2020 15:56

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Topseyt · 30/12/2020 15:56

@AnxiousSM

There’s been a lot on TV about how COVID has made everyone kinder and nicer to one another. I don’t see this anywhere, in fact the complete opposite.

I understand how hard and stressful it all is. I just wish people thought first before being horrible to a stranger.

That is a fair comment, but the other side of the coin is that you too should have considered whether or not the question really needed to be asked (it didn't really) and how it might come across if you do ask it (as pushy and impatient).

That was the risk you took. Her reaction suggested that she felt pressured by it, even though you didn't intend that.

Fieldofyellowflowers · 30/12/2020 15:56

She was rude but maybe she is also suffering from anxiety at the minute? If she was getting stressed and anxious, she maybe felt like you were rushing her?

OuiOuiKitty · 30/12/2020 15:57

I would have just picked one and started loading my shopping up. I'm not in the UK but here once there is room you pick a checkout and put your shopping on the belt. You don't wait at the end of a long belt for the people to go through the checkout and pay like it sounds like she was doing.

Queues are bad enough at the moment without people hanging around at the end of long belts the supermarket when people could be loading their shopping up.

PurpleDaisies · 30/12/2020 15:58

You obviously have no understanding of anxiety @IamMariahScarey

How about not making horrible comments coming from a position of such ignorance?

Original poster

AnxiousSM · 30/12/2020 16:00

@IamMariahScarey perhaps read up on it before making those sorts of comments. You unfortunately just sound very ignorant, I’m not sure if that’s your intention, and if not, do some research.

OP posts:

ShoppingBasket · 30/12/2020 16:01

I actually think OP was right to ask which till especially if it was in Aldi/Lidl. As far as I know the cashier prefers you to be loaded up before they put the previous person through,so you can stand with your trolley while they fire them at you at lightning speed
The two tills were checking out so she should have been putting her 2 items on the conveyor belt. OP was polite and asked which one, she could have powered on to one of the tills.
Take no notice OP, just think to yourself "rude cow" and get on with your day. No need to let it eat you up.

YouBoughtMeAWall · 30/12/2020 16:01

I’d have just gone round her. She doesn’t get to hold everyone up.

Apollo3 · 30/12/2020 16:01

I find it very hard to beleive that she "barked at you". She's not a dog. More likely your severe anxiety leads you to see the mildest of rebuke as much worse than it is.
She probably thought you were rude.

PodgeBod · 30/12/2020 16:01

Op I also have anxiety and hate having to load up a whole trolley of food while the checkout person is waiting. I really don't think you did anything wrong, if she had just picked a till the whole queue could have run more smoothly. Try to put it out of your head, you felt she was unreasonable, she felt you were unreasonable, it's over and done with now.

Vitaminsss · 30/12/2020 16:02

Both things are true, she was rude and you blew it out of proportion. This wouldn’t bring the average person to tears.

Cloudhopping · 30/12/2020 16:03

Everyone has their battles op, and she may have anxiety too, who knows? Yes she was rude, but try and let it go, it’s not worth your energy. It’s shit out there for most people at the moment.

Apollo3 · 30/12/2020 16:05

And another thing, if you are trying to load the belt when someone is stillgoing through AND there is another person ahead of you in the queue, you are not staying 2 metres away from everyone.

Couldn't you just wait the extra 30 seconds while she did her own business? Were you in that much of a hurry?

Littlewhitedove2 · 30/12/2020 16:05

As you get older you learn not to take people’s crap. I would have said excuse me, my I pod my things up onto this till please (pointing to one of the tills)
If she said or barked no wait your turn I would have said sorry, please move I am putting my things on here and I would have just gone ahead and done it reaching around her if needs be.
I have learnt not to be pushed around by anyone. I am in my 40’s and this confidence and no taking others bs has only come in the last couple of years. Before that I was extremely sensitive and would jump and blush at the slightest thing

TooTrueToBeGood · 30/12/2020 16:06

I think you were reasonable to ask though without being there it's impossible to know if the manner or tone of your asking might have been a factor.

Personally, I would have asked as well, politely with a brief explanation as to why (just in case she was a touch dim). If she had responded rudely I'd just have put her in her place and got on with loading my groceries whether she liked it or not. I'm not you though and I don't suffer from anxiety. If you get triggered by confrontations then the best course is to try and avoid them so you would have been better off just accepting her wanting to wait and leave her to it.

Candyfloss99 · 30/12/2020 16:06

Maybe you made her anxious by trying to rush her to make a decision. Don't ask people questions if you can't handle their response. Just be patient in future.

Apollo3 · 30/12/2020 16:06

If she said or barked no wait your turn I would have said sorry, please move I am putting my things on here and I would have just gone ahead and done it reaching around her if needs be

Then you would be an absolute dickhead who needs to learn what social distancing is (9 months after the rest of us, how slow are you?)

TheSilentStars · 30/12/2020 16:06

@Littlewhitedove2

As you get older you learn not to take people’s crap. I would have said excuse me, my I pod my things up onto this till please (pointing to one of the tills) If she said or barked no wait your turn I would have said sorry, please move I am putting my things on here and I would have just gone ahead and done it reaching around her if needs be. I have learnt not to be pushed around by anyone. I am in my 40’s and this confidence and no taking others bs has only come in the last couple of years. Before that I was extremely sensitive and would jump and blush at the slightest thing

Had the OP pushed in front of the woman who was simply waiting her turn, then she'd have definitely lost the moral high ground she thinks she has.

emilyfrost · 30/12/2020 16:07

YABU. It will have sounded to her like you were trying to rush her, even if you were polite, because you were asking the question in the first place. You knew she was waiting to use the till that would be the fastest so you knew she didn’t know which one she was going to use yet.

The stress you had was self induced, because it doesn’t matter if it takes you longer or if you don’t get to load up until she’s gone through. It doesn’t matter if you’re holding everyone else up.

You asked her because you were anxious, so you’re putting the responsibility of dealing with your anxiety onto her (for example when you said she ended up holding the queue up because she didn’t know which to use, but she didn’t, that was you loading your stuff), even though neither of you realised it.

SpiderGwen · 30/12/2020 16:07

I don't think she sounds particularly rude, it sounds like you were trying to rush her and she didn't know which till would be free first.

It's not a stranger's job to fall in with your anxiety responses. How would she know you feel a compulsion to unload your shopping like that? It sounds like the supermarket makes you anxious and you're projecting that to an abrupt interaction with this woman.

Apollo3 · 30/12/2020 16:08

As you get older you learn not to take people’s crap

Probably what the other woman was thinking in this scenario.....

SpiderGwen · 30/12/2020 16:08

Ha. Crossposted with @emilyfrost

Littlewhitedove2 · 30/12/2020 16:08

@Apollo3

If she said or barked no wait your turn I would have said sorry, please move I am putting my things on here and I would have just gone ahead and done it reaching around her if needs be

Then you would be an absolute dickhead who needs to learn what social distancing is (9 months after the rest of us, how slow are you?)

Don’t give a crap sorry. I wouldn’t have been in her face and would have kept as far as I could with a mask but at the end of the day no, I am not waiting whilst there are 2 empty tills and if you have been rude to me after I have asked you politely you get what you deserve

CheesyWeez · 30/12/2020 16:10

@AnxiousSM

There’s been a lot on TV about how COVID has made everyone kinder and nicer to one another. I don’t see this anywhere, in fact the complete opposite.

I understand how hard and stressful it all is. I just wish people thought first before being horrible to a stranger.

I agree with Topsyt and OP, in supermarkets people are being horrible. I was told I was walking in to the supermarket "too slowly" this morning by the man behind me. I was first, I was walking, although I do admit I was slowing because I didn't want to get too close to the person in front who was using the hand gel. Everyone is on edge when they're out at the moment. Go to supermarkets armed with a lot of patience.

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