Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Relative upset when asked not to buy certain things for Dd

517 replies

Mucholoco · 29/12/2020 14:05

Hi Everyone,

So I had a conversation with a relative a few days ago and we started talking about my dd (2y10m) as we normally do. During the conversation we started talking about how my little one loves Frozen and they said ‘oh I’m gonna buy her a frozen play dress’.

Now to put some context in here the only things my husband and I had asked everyone was to not buy dd was princess dress up stuff and loads of pink stuff and we had said this ever since we were pregnant. It’s totally fine if dd asks for them when she is older as it’s her choice but we just didn’t want her to have it thrust upon her. We wanted her to enjoy a range of things before princess stuff entered the picture, as there is plenty of time for that.

So I said to my relative to please not get her that (because of the above) and after I said that I got a lot of passive aggressive remarks about how we were taking the fun out of everything and that they should be allowed to buy whatever they want. So I proceeded to say there was very little we say she can’t have and that I could discuss this with my husband later. Then I got comments about why do I have to run things past him... to which I replied ‘out of respect as he would do the same with me’ and after I said that I was told to drop it and forget it.

AIBU for firstly feeling annoyed that this relative has reacted this way and secondly is it unreasonable for us to ask people to not buy stuff like that until dd asks for it?

Thanks.

OP posts:
SaltyTootsieToes · 31/12/2020 17:05

As simeone pointed out above, Elsa doesn’t even wear pink. If you look at the “princesses” some are really powerful women figures who overcome various adversity and even down right recrimination. These are messages one might think important for children to know.

Relative upset when asked not to buy certain things for Dd
BackforGood · 31/12/2020 17:27

I'm not surprised at the response from younger people who don't seem to respect others,

eh ?
Where do you get this from?
Have you stalked the posters of each of the 500+replies to try and work out their ages ?
Is generalsing people by their age bracket "respectful" in any case ? Hmm

Stinkyjellycat · 31/12/2020 17:34

I love OPs like this, ones who read and think....and aren’t afraid to change their ideas. Well done OP!

BackforGood · 31/12/2020 18:06

Hear Hear Stinkyjellycat

LoisWilkersonslastnerve · 31/12/2020 18:31

I think the op got the messege 10 pages ago. Starting a thread on here is like asking to be drilled in the head. At ease people, she got it.

ancientgran · 31/12/2020 18:36

My son spent much of his 3rd year in a Disney princess dress. He still gets teased about it nearly 30 years on. He grew out of it, his brothers reckon photos will appear at his stag do which I think might be why he is putting off the wedding.

Your child your rules, personally I totally agree with the pink stuff, I hate how everything my GD has is pink but I think the dressing up is fine as long as there is a balance, not just princess stuff but a pirate outfit, a Disney prince outfit or whatever. She might end up loving/hating the Frozen outfit but she will change.

AnotherEmma · 31/12/2020 18:47

@ancientgran

My son spent much of his 3rd year in a Disney princess dress. He still gets teased about it nearly 30 years on. He grew out of it, his brothers reckon photos will appear at his stag do which I think might be why he is putting off the wedding.

Your child your rules, personally I totally agree with the pink stuff, I hate how everything my GD has is pink but I think the dressing up is fine as long as there is a balance, not just princess stuff but a pirate outfit, a Disney prince outfit or whatever. She might end up loving/hating the Frozen outfit but she will change.

Ridiculous that he is still teased for dressing up as a princess.

Sexism is alive and well, people.

And yet I can't possibly admit that I'm afraid of my son getting teased without being accused of misogyny Hmm

MsMoppet · 01/01/2021 21:27

I can't be bothered to explain why I go against here as there's so much opposition. I'll just add my support to you. Your child, your rules.
FWIW my daughter just got her very first princess dress-up outfit age 5. We got it for her and she's not that fussed about it. Previously she's had outfits for explorer, chef, Woody from toy story, Dorothy from Wizard of Oz, Paw Patrol Marshall, Chase and Sky (she doesn't wear the Sky one), and a few country specific fabric outfits.

ancientgran · 01/01/2021 21:45

Ridiculous that he is still teased for dressing up as a princess. Three brothers tease each other about all sorts, we aren't the Waltons.

jessstan1 · 02/01/2021 01:28

I think the only problem would be if the op's daughter didn't like her princess dress in which case, she wouldn't wear it. However she may love it! It's only dressing up so what is the problem?

SmeleanorSmellstrop · 02/01/2021 02:47

It seems cruel to your daughter and very unnecessary and sort of controlling to refuse to allow a relative to buy your daughter a costume from a film that she likes Confused

HelloitsmeMargaret · 02/01/2021 05:54

You should cancel the cheque OP 😁

TrailingLobelias · 02/01/2021 06:06

Princess mania is very boring for adults but it's unavoidable since Frozen. We tried to expand it into an interest in visiting castles and making lego palaces which worked.

SD1978 · 02/01/2021 06:58

I think that sometimes the need or want to not push gender stereotypes on to kids, means that we sometimes overthink. She likes frozen, would no doubt love the dress. Getting it isn't negative, having pink and sparkly crap doesn't mean you're forcing it- if she genuinely enjoys it, then that's all that matters. You're not forcing her to wear it, but forcing her (not that she would know) not to, for an adult principle is the same side of the other extreme. Having kids is all about balancing your views and what you want to teach them, with an acceptance that sometimes we don't always hey it right, accepting that, and moving on- which you have. It's always positive seeing someone ask a question, balance the views, and come to a decision which they are comfortable with. Sometimes that means you don't change your stance, and sometimes you do.

Mumsn0t · 03/01/2021 23:45

YABVU re both questions.

We tried so hard to do gender neutral parenting. This is a bit of a misnomer anyway as if you have a girl you consciously steer clear of 'girly ' stuff and vice versa for boys so nothing neutral about it.

After 18 years I see how pointless it was; they are who they are and it had nothing to do with toys or clothes and everything, in equal measure, to do with personality, opinions from home and views and behaviour of other kids. And that's it.

Middlemissi · 04/01/2021 07:07

YABU... if your daughter has already if her own accord decided that she loves frozen then she ALREADY, like plenty of other little girls, has decided for herself that she loves the princesses... therefore it's not being thrust on her.. at 2 years old she probably just has no idea that it's even possible that she could have her very own Elsa dress and be able to 'be' Elsa for the day! I'm sure she'd be thrilled!

SchadenfreudePersonified · 11/03/2021 10:50

@Pinkdelight3

Your kid, your decision. But personally if she loves Frozen then that's as good as her asking for it. She's into princesses, like it or not, and your relative is just being nice and being excited for her. I bet you'd facilitate your DD's interests in other things and buy her stuff without specifically asking for items. If she's into cars, you'd buy her toy cars. I'm no Disney fan but there's only a certain amount you can mould your DD's interests.
This - she's two - she'll enjoy it.

In a couple of years she might refuse to wear things like that, but now she'll be happy with it.

However - your child, your decision. This isn't going to harm her if she does/doesn't get a "Frozen" frock

New posts on this thread. Refresh page