Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Relative upset when asked not to buy certain things for Dd

517 replies

Mucholoco · 29/12/2020 14:05

Hi Everyone,

So I had a conversation with a relative a few days ago and we started talking about my dd (2y10m) as we normally do. During the conversation we started talking about how my little one loves Frozen and they said ‘oh I’m gonna buy her a frozen play dress’.

Now to put some context in here the only things my husband and I had asked everyone was to not buy dd was princess dress up stuff and loads of pink stuff and we had said this ever since we were pregnant. It’s totally fine if dd asks for them when she is older as it’s her choice but we just didn’t want her to have it thrust upon her. We wanted her to enjoy a range of things before princess stuff entered the picture, as there is plenty of time for that.

So I said to my relative to please not get her that (because of the above) and after I said that I got a lot of passive aggressive remarks about how we were taking the fun out of everything and that they should be allowed to buy whatever they want. So I proceeded to say there was very little we say she can’t have and that I could discuss this with my husband later. Then I got comments about why do I have to run things past him... to which I replied ‘out of respect as he would do the same with me’ and after I said that I was told to drop it and forget it.

AIBU for firstly feeling annoyed that this relative has reacted this way and secondly is it unreasonable for us to ask people to not buy stuff like that until dd asks for it?

Thanks.

OP posts:
LagunaBubbles · 29/12/2020 14:16

Its a Princess dress. Not a Chucky costume. Children love dressing up. I really don't get the angst you see on here from some people.

Witchend · 29/12/2020 14:17

If she loves Frozen, why not? Sounds a perfect present to me.

Why is it acceptable to make girls feel inferior for liking "princessy" and pink things? People don't want to do the same to a boy who loves dinosaurs-and a boy who loves princesses is positively celebrated.

Let her love these things while she's little.
I've two girls who practically lived in princess dresses from 2 through to 7/8yo. Neither of them wears dresses or thinks they're a princess now.

NowellSingWe · 29/12/2020 14:18

Why does a child need a dress because they've watched a film? Confused
My children watched Totoro- I didn't buy them a Mae or Satsuki outfit or a Rotor costume.
My children watched Tangled- I didn't buy them a Rapunzel dress or a Flynn costume.
My children watched Monsters Inc- I didn't buy them a Mike or Sully costume, and definitely not a Randall costume.

Please explain people that go in for this why you'd buy a child an Anna or Elsa dress because they've watched Frozen.

My children act out things they've watched or read, they dress up, they're not deprived, and they don't need a specific costume to play "Anna and Elsa" or whatever.

saraclara · 29/12/2020 14:18

My daughters veered between playing football, building Lego, and playing at being princesses. Balance is good. Your relative wanted to do a nice thing and you were being precious.

And what someone else said about Elsa. What a powerful choice of pretend persona.

BiscuitTea · 29/12/2020 14:18

@XmasBelle

Let it go
Grin
ItsAllComingBackToMeNow · 29/12/2020 14:18

I do wonder why you let her watch Frozen if you don’t want her playing princesses?

It was a kind idea from your friend and you shot it down. You could have just let her give your dd the gift then hid it after a day or so? Or buy her a mechanic outfit or a vet kit to balance out the type of dress up she has? I think your response to your friend was unnecessarily rude.

Pinkdelight3 · 29/12/2020 14:19

Also, Elsa's dress is blue if that helps.

SleepingStandingUp · 29/12/2020 14:19

I presume op she's only allowed purely educational toys at present and plain functional clothing? In which case you'd think they'd know you wouldn't permit something as frivolous as a dress purely for dress up.

Original poster
Mucholoco · 29/12/2020 14:19

@MarthaWashingtonsFeralTomcat

So you'd be fine with her being bought a firefighter outfit or vet dressing up set? Toy cars?

Having a mix of toys is the goal, as long as the mix excludes anything traditionally female-coded?

I know if I suggested getting a firefighter outfit as well my relative would turn around and say ‘no that’s for boys’.

I’m not opposed to girly things as she has a dolly and baby she plays with, a little tea set etc... and she has other things like puzzles, cars, colouring books etc... so a good selection of toys.

I think I’m more annoyed that the 1 thing we asked people not to buy has caused all this. Like we asked people not to go over board with pink as I personally hate the colour but that doesn’t mean little one can’t have pink things just not everything being pink as this relative would have bought pink everything. Little one does have pink stuff but she also has all the colours of the rainbow and the combinations of clothes she picks are priceless 😄

OP posts:
TLIMSISNW · 29/12/2020 14:19

YABU if you’d be so precious about a police officer or firefighter costume. If you’re only excluding typically female clothes then you’re not being truly gender neutral.

ISeeTheLight · 29/12/2020 14:20

You're being ridiculous. My daughter has frozen (and other) dresses. She also plays with cars, lego (and not just the "girly" ones), science kits, etc. It's about balance.

TLIMSISNW · 29/12/2020 14:21

Oops x-post.

Just because YOU don’t like pink, it doesn’t mean that your DD won’t. I have three DDs, one hates link, one loves pink and dinosaurs and fighting and one loves pink and sparkles and all things traditionally ‘girly’.

No one preference is better or worse than the others. Just let them be them. Your DD likes the movie, why can’t she have the dress?

user1493494961 · 29/12/2020 14:22

You're being ridiculous.

Tiquismiquis · 29/12/2020 14:22

You’re being ridiculous. Toddlers love dressing up and they get so much fun from the princess dresses. You’re imposing your own stereotypes on your little girl. My little one got an Elsa dress from a relative when she was 21/2 and she loved it. I’m not sure what you think is so bad about them that you would ban relatives from buying something she’d probably love (and are easy to store unlike many toys).

Terracottasaur · 29/12/2020 14:24

If pink is the specific issue does it reassure you that elsa’s dress is blue?

SleepingStandingUp · 29/12/2020 14:24

@NowellSingWe

Why does a child need a dress because they've watched a film? Confused My children watched Totoro- I didn't buy them a Mae or Satsuki outfit or a Rotor costume. My children watched Tangled- I didn't buy them a Rapunzel dress or a Flynn costume. My children watched Monsters Inc- I didn't buy them a Mike or Sully costume, and definitely not a Randall costume.

Please explain people that go in for this why you'd buy a child an Anna or Elsa dress because they've watched Frozen.

My children act out things they've watched or read, they dress up, they're not deprived, and they don't need a specific costume to play "Anna and Elsa" or whatever.

It isn't about watching it, it's about loving it. And of you love something with only the zealousness that under 10s can, why WOULDNT you buy the dress if you could afford to do so?

It's cute of your child swirls round in a bed sheet pretending to be Anna but that doesn't mean the dress would take anything away from that.

saraclara · 29/12/2020 14:24

I think I’m more annoyed that the 1 thing we asked people not to buy has caused all this. Like we asked people not to go over board with pink as I personally hate the colour but that doesn’t mean little one can’t have pink things just not everything being pink as this relative would have bought pink everything.

So basically you don't like this relative. And you picked this hill to die on.

Elsa is strong and powerful. She wears a blue dress. But you turned this kind gesture into something it really didn't need to be.

LubaLuca · 29/12/2020 14:24

Put Mythbusters on instead of Frozen. Problem solved.

GlitchStitch · 29/12/2020 14:24

I never knew people had "rules" about what others could buy for their kids until I read it on MN. What is wrong with just being polite and saying thank you?

HeyGirlHeyBoy · 29/12/2020 14:25

If you said you weren't showing her anything princess related I'd understand it more but she already likes it, funny enough, so then I'd let it go 😉 Dress up is wonderful for imaginative play. My ds also loved Elsa's dress... He'd team it with a policeman's helmet. He is over his princess phase now. I was definitely precious over different things along the way but have relaxed a bit now.

ScarletZebra · 29/12/2020 14:25

Let me guess, is it your MIL who wants to buy it?

We said no to all things pink and frilly for DD1. DD2 lived in princess dresses until they no longer fit.

IME children love dressing up, and I can't see the harm, especially as Elsa is a strong character who doesn't need a man to make her whole (plus the dress isn't pink). I would choose another hill to die on and let your MIL indulge your DD while she wants to.

Original poster
Mucholoco · 29/12/2020 14:25

@Terracottasaur

If pink is the specific issue does it reassure you that elsa’s dress is blue?
Oh no pink isn’t the issue.
OP posts:
LabradorGalore · 29/12/2020 14:25

The only person imposing their views and stifling their daughter choice is you and your DH.

Let her relatives buy her a princess dress - you can always buy the doctors/fighter fighter costume too which add to her collection.

Precious parenting at its finest.

Mrsjayy · 29/12/2020 14:26

You let her watch frozen but don't want her swishing about in an Ailsa frock ? You are making no sense and causing an unnecessary fuss to try and make a point. Girls liking dresses and princesses isn't the problem you assume it it

eddiemairswife · 29/12/2020 14:26

Anyway, what is wrong with pink and frills and sparkles and everything else 'girly'?