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AIBU?

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Original poster

Relative upset when asked not to buy certain things for Dd

517 replies

Mucholoco · 29/12/2020 14:05

Hi Everyone,

So I had a conversation with a relative a few days ago and we started talking about my dd (2y10m) as we normally do. During the conversation we started talking about how my little one loves Frozen and they said ‘oh I’m gonna buy her a frozen play dress’.

Now to put some context in here the only things my husband and I had asked everyone was to not buy dd was princess dress up stuff and loads of pink stuff and we had said this ever since we were pregnant. It’s totally fine if dd asks for them when she is older as it’s her choice but we just didn’t want her to have it thrust upon her. We wanted her to enjoy a range of things before princess stuff entered the picture, as there is plenty of time for that.

So I said to my relative to please not get her that (because of the above) and after I said that I got a lot of passive aggressive remarks about how we were taking the fun out of everything and that they should be allowed to buy whatever they want. So I proceeded to say there was very little we say she can’t have and that I could discuss this with my husband later. Then I got comments about why do I have to run things past him... to which I replied ‘out of respect as he would do the same with me’ and after I said that I was told to drop it and forget it.

AIBU for firstly feeling annoyed that this relative has reacted this way and secondly is it unreasonable for us to ask people to not buy stuff like that until dd asks for it?

Thanks.

OP posts:
WankPuffins · 30/12/2020 12:48

@midsummabreak I always wonder where Dd gets her love of all things pink and glitter from though.

I'm totally the other way. I don't even own any make up and I've got such a phobia of jewellery that I can't even touch it, I can't even wear a wedding ring. Yet Dd loves the bloody stuff and has since she was tiny! So it's not like she's into clothes and make up to copy me.

midsummabreak · 30/12/2020 12:51

YANBU to wait to see what your child asks for. But YABU to request no princess dress up if your two year old loves that princess, It seems that she would be delighted with the opportunity to dress up as the princess that she has shown great interest in. Could you reconsider that she would get great fun out of the princess dress up, along with other age appropriate gifts

parsnipsnotsprouts · 30/12/2020 12:52

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Oysterbabe · 30/12/2020 12:56

I'm glad you've seen sense.
Thing is Elsa is not a silly pathetic princess anyway, she's a badass. My son often pretends to be Elsa and freezes us.

midsummabreak · 30/12/2020 13:00

Same here @WankPuffins, my daughter loves all things glitter, lavender and pink, more so than I did as a child, yet her tastes have changed and still changing, as a teen and she still loves feminine clothes, and sometimes loves to wear makeup, but other times, prefers minimal fuss and no makeup, and loves darker clothes especially black, as well as horror movies.

caringcarer · 30/12/2020 17:32

I would far rather have dressing up clothes than paint or loud instruments.

Rtruth · 30/12/2020 17:41

Weird, why wouldn’t you want your daughter to dress up as something she likes?

August1980 · 30/12/2020 17:58

XmasBelle... loved your response ‘let it go’. I am having the best giggle ever...

mini1275 · 30/12/2020 18:00

Like you I didn’t want to impose gender items on my daughter and like you wait until she showed an interest, choosing nature rather than nurture. My daughter who is older now is severely autistic and has severe learning difficulties, impossible to impose nurture on her, she naturally became a pink person with little or no help from me. When offered clothing to wear she always chose pink and anything Disney. Mainly the influence came from carers, like your relative expecting it’s normal but from her brother she became a Sonic the hedgehog fan, she’s got over eighty sonic toys at the mo and will probably grow. When your daughter is an adult she’ll make choices but she’s only little let her enjoy the pink experience for a while

sallyfox · 30/12/2020 18:20

The best gift you can ever give any child is your time:

listen to and talk to your children
read with them
play games/do activities with them
treat them like human beings (not "princesses")

do not wrap them in cotton wool
teach them real life skills, so they can cope/survive in the real world
do not spoil them

pollymere · 30/12/2020 18:23

Mine started in Thomas Tees with cropped hair, then went into princess dresses (including to the supermarket with matching accessories) and Rapunzel length hair, into Zombie princess into cutting hair in gender neutral hairstyle. These days, I'd buy any kid a princess dress irrespective of the content of their underwear. If you end up with the I love pink and unicorns kid then so be it. If it isn't their thing they won't wear it. Mine ignored quite a few presents in favour of things they actually liked. I know yours isn't quite three but I bet they know what they want/like! Maybe they want to dress up as Olaf or Sven? Say it's a great gift but you need to check what they'd like first. If they want to be Elsa, then great!

NYNY211 · 30/12/2020 18:25

@Brunt0n

I can’t imagine thinking this was a real problem. Why did you let your child watch frozen if you didn’t want her to be into princesses?
Exactly
di2004 · 30/12/2020 18:25

YABVU. Little girls love dressing up at any age, your DD sounds sound quite young but she will love it all the same.
Relax and let your little girl have some fun and stop controlling what everyone buys her.

TheOneLeggedJockey · 30/12/2020 18:31

If your DD is anything like mine, I really wouldn’t worry.

Pink (and to a lesser extent purple) is pushed on them so much from birth that they soon completely tire of it, and roundly reject it, from about 6 or 7-ish as being completely ‘babyish’.

My DD is now 10 and it’s been a few years since she’s had anything to do with pink clothing or paraphernalia.

She is pretty much a typical girl - that is, not overly girly, has a range of interests, and does like some girly things.

Norwayreally · 30/12/2020 18:36

YABU, this is barmy. Your DD likes the film and your relative wanted to buy her some merchandise from the film. It’s as simple as that really.

One of my DD’s went through a Frozen phase a few years ago, she now absolutely hates princesses or anything pink. Phases come and go like the wind with children.

dazzlingdeborahrose · 30/12/2020 18:50

It was Belle on our house. DD had Disney dress up and every disney princess doll. She was desperate to meet all the princesses at eurodis. By 10 she was dressing up as the black widow and katniss everdene. Now at 16 she spends her days up to her eyes in horse 💩, wrangling a quarter ton of unpredictable animal and heaving bags of feed and bedding round like it's feathers. She still likes makeup and glamour. The princess phase was a phase. It's the messages you give that will form her. She deserves respect whether she's dressed as Elsa or wrangling a horse. There's nothing she cant choose to be.

Chickoletta · 30/12/2020 18:54

YABVU but mostly for saying ‘when we were pregnant’. 🤮

cannockcandy · 30/12/2020 18:54

Wow
I have a son, he is 7 now but when he was around 3 he had a full dressing up box, princess dresses, pirate costumes, super hero costumes, capes and a cat costume. He also had a few tutus. Kids should be allowed to explore a range of "roles". My son also had a play kitchen complete with apron and chefs hat and a tool bench and both a boy and a girl doll with a pushchair, nappies and a Moses basket.
Now most of his toys are "boys" toys but he also has a massive collection of teddies.
Let your child be a child. Let her have the princess dress and, if it bothers you so much then get her some other none gendered dress up clothes too.

LovelyIssues · 30/12/2020 18:57

It's merchandise from a film she likes. Is she allowed a Elsa barbie or Anna Figurines etc from the film or is just dresses you're being precious about?

Alpal1 · 30/12/2020 18:58

Your kid, your call.
Frozen princesses are a definite improvement on Snow White but I think it’s a good thing you are limiting her exposure. Like you say, she will choose later.

starfishmummy · 30/12/2020 18:58

I always thought it was compulsory for relatives to buy things parents disaproved of....

MissDollyMix · 30/12/2020 19:06

Haven't read the full thread. Too distracted by the ridiculous misogyny in the OP. Why is it always feminine things that parent's take exception to? Gender neutral parenting is always about buying masculine things for little girls but recoiling in horror at anything perceived to be feminine. Nobody ever says they hate blue or green, it's always pink. Then OP goes on to say her DD has 'girly' things like dolls and tea sets. These things are girly?? Because, god forbid, no man has ever looked after a baby or drunk a cup of tea?? Time to drop the gender stereotypes and be a bit more open minded.

miserableannie · 30/12/2020 19:06

What the fuck have I just read? Not just the utter idiocy of the OP but some of these precious parents. Gender neutral. Fuck off with it

threatmatrix · 30/12/2020 19:11

I’m sorry but you lost me at ‘we were pregnant’

ChristmasUserName2020 · 30/12/2020 19:13

Is the relative you?

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