3 yo wakes for the day at 2/3 am. Fucking hate my life

[HateLife21]

DC3 has ASD. Always been a shit sleeper. Only sleeps for 6-7 hours max per night. Doesn't nap. Last few weeks has been exhausted and asleep by 7.30. Then wide awake by 2.15 am. Might go back to sleep after 6 until about 8.30. That's it. We co-sleep as they get so distressed about being alone they vomit. Tonight has been violently rocking on the bed since 3am. (Gave Calpol and milk at 2.30 in the hope they'd settle).

I can't do this anymore. I hate my life. I really resent DC. Biggest regret of my life having them.

Not sure what my AIBU is, sorry. Just can't go on.

It's really crap when you have a non-sleeper. I know it's not great parenting but when my daughter used to do this, I just used to give her the iPad and she'd watch cartoons on it next to me while I slept.

Sleep deprivation is literally a form of torture. Its no wonder you feel like you do.

Currently up night feeding my almost 1 year old so I feel your pain but obviously you've been at it for 3 years now with no break.

I dont have any advice other than can you take turns with your partner? It helps to get a full night sleep occasionally. I feel very stressed, angry and short tempered when I've done a number of nights in a row.

I'm sorry you are going through this x

Can you speak to the gp about melatonin?

Calpol is just paracetamol, it won't help him sleep.

Can the GP help?

Can you keep DC up a little bit later?

I know it's not great parenting but when my daughter used to do this, I just used to give her the iPad and she'd watch cartoons on it next to me while I slept.

I'd probably do this too if I'm honest. You need sleep to function properly and if that means some screen time then so be it.

Contact your GP and social workers as they’ll know what support is available. Don’t sugarcoat how you feel, tell them exactly so they can help you.

We've been prescribed melatonin but it only helps with the initial falling asleep which isn't a problem as DC is exhausted. So it's no use whatsoever.

Have told GP in the past how much I'm struggling. He just said he really sympathised but there's not much out there in terms of support

Can you give the melatonin at 1am ish? My daughter rarely sleeps ( also asd ) and I know it’s likely a useless suggestion but occasionally it works and sends her back off if she’s tired but fighting it

Can you give melatonin in the night- when they wake? Is this allowed if they don’t have the dose before bed?

Can you ask for a referral to a sleep clinic where you can be seen by specialists?

This sounds awful and I feel for you. You are doing amazingly but this is not ok you are in this struggle.
Contact the team who gave you the ASD diagnosis. Ask them about timings of giving melatonin, and specifically ask if you can give a second dose with the very early morning wake up. Don’t ask the GP as they won’t be able to give you this support, in the U.K. melatonin in children is meant to supervised by a specialist team, ie not GP.
Also, have a look for your local autism charity, they should be able to help you.
If you are in Scotland.... www.sleepscotland.org/support/

Give the melatonin in the night?

why are you giving calpol and warm milk? Are they ill? What’s the calpol for [confused

Push bedtime back too.. my son has ASD but he doesn’t fall asleep til 9.30-10pm but generally sleeps til 6.30

www.autism.org.uk/directory

I gave Calpol as last couple of nights I gave ibuprofen at bedtime and DC slept for 7 hours instead of 5-6 so thought it was worth a try.

I've read that melatonin won't work in the middle of the night.

The only way to push bedtime back is to ensure naps in the day. But this week even driving around isn't working, they just won't nap. So it's a struggle to keep them up til 7 ISH tbh. DC is a whingy whiny nightmare from around 3pm every day and I have to watch or else they will try to to take themself off for a sleep at 5ish. Obviously if I allowed this bedtime would be after midnight.

I'm sorry you've had it so hard OP. My daughter has ASD. Not as bad a sleeper as your DS but used to regularly be up at 4.30am every day.

Do you have a DP / DH? If so make a deal to take it in turns to deal with DS when he wakes. Also I second the kids tablet. We have one with headphones and it's great to get some extra sleep knowing that they are safe just watching TV or playing a game for a bit. Some may criticise it as a technique but they're not the person having to live with severe sleep deprivation.

Sympathies
No help im afraid, I'm right there with you. DS is 3, never slept well, and is currently being assessed for autism. Hasnt napped for over a year, pretty much passes out at 6pm and gets me up at 3am every morning. Wakes up 3 or 4 times a night which DH deals with as hes better without sleep than me. But we have another DS who is 1 who sleeps 7 till 7 all the way through. Its mad the difference between the 2 and ive been exhausted for years.
Also got melatonin but its completely useless for the same reasons, he doesnt have trouble falling asleep, just staying asleep.
Not sure what the answer is, but you are not alone.
I can only hope it gets better at some point for us both.

iPad won't work as they need a lot of help with it, press screen in wrong place etc.

I have a DH. He's no help tbh. Sleeps downstairs so he can actually get some sleep but suffers from insomnia so we have competitive tiredness going on. I know how shit that is, it's another regret.

@PrincessPain I'm sorry you're in this situation too

Op try splitting his melatonimg dose. We were advised to do this by our DDS paed and it does work.

So we'd give 2 at bedtime and 2 when she woke instead of 4 tablets at bedtime.........also ask about an increase. The dose may need adjusting.

whatwouldyoudo thanks, I'll try and get hold of the paediatrician. Not holding out much hope though, he specifically said it was for getting to sleep and that it would not help with night/early wakes

@HateLife21

I gave Calpol as last couple of nights I gave ibuprofen at bedtime and DC slept for 7 hours instead of 5-6 so thought it was worth a try.

I've read that melatonin won't work in the middle of the night.

The only way to push bedtime back is to ensure naps in the day. But this week even driving around isn't working, they just won't nap. So it's a struggle to keep them up til 7 ISH tbh. DC is a whingy whiny nightmare from around 3pm every day and I have to watch or else they will try to to take themself off for a sleep at 5ish. Obviously if I allowed this bedtime would be after midnight.

Do you give some form of pain relief every night ?

I am in a very similar position to you. 3 y/o with GDD and other things. Sleeps terribly. We started melatonin a few weeks ago, was great at first but doesn't keep him asleep so he is up around 3am most days, sometimes earlier. The days I am just too tired, I do as a PP mentioned and stick little baby bum on my phone and let him watch that while I doze beside him. I can't sleep properly because of his other needs but it keeps me sane enough when I just don't have the energy to get up and out of bed 😂. I've given up feeling bad about it. We were told of a long acting melatonin we could try, we haven't gone down that route yet, so I wonder if it's worth speaking to your doctor about it.

Have you tried medised or piriton? Both are antihistamines & have a sedatives effect, Medised also has paracetamol with it. Try one of them to try & break the cycle of him waking up so early, you could half wake him as you go to bed, wake him up enough to swallow & then tuck him up again to go back to sleep. Ds woke like your ds & we used it for a month, we managed to get him to sleep until 5.30am, not brilliant but better than 2-3 am. Poor sleeping can be a symptom of autism, so if you have any doubts about your ds development, speak to your health visitor or GP.

Sorry, just seen you have a diagnosis, ask your consultant to refer you to a sleep specialist.

That sounds horrific and utterly unsustainable. Some things that might help:

• have you tried weighted blanket/ compression sheet- like a Lycra sheet that snuggles them to the bed?

-a sleep ‘den’ in a small space- I,e use a cardboard box to crate a small, low distraction space. -do you know about guided access on the iPad? You can open an app then ‘lock’ it open so that it can’t be exited. You triple click the home button. I think you can also set what areas of the screen work in the same way. -can you get dla? -speak to social services. Respite needs to be an option. It may be hard for him, but if you are going to survive, you need something. -are you having an ehcp needs assessment for starting school? Ensure that you make it clear that you east the social care assessment and provision (the ‘c’ of ehcp) done. It’s a right. -can you get a couple hours in the day anyway possible? -is there a local support group/ online support group?

It’s an incredibly hard place to be.

Also just to mention my wee one can't use an iPad or phone either but the Netflix app lets you lock the screen. You really do have my sympathy, the lack of sleep is so hard!