3 yo wakes for the day at 2/3 am. Fucking hate my life

[HateLife21]

DC3 has ASD. Always been a shit sleeper. Only sleeps for 6-7 hours max per night. Doesn't nap. Last few weeks has been exhausted and asleep by 7.30. Then wide awake by 2.15 am. Might go back to sleep after 6 until about 8.30. That's it. We co-sleep as they get so distressed about being alone they vomit. Tonight has been violently rocking on the bed since 3am. (Gave Calpol and milk at 2.30 in the hope they'd settle).

I can't do this anymore. I hate my life. I really resent DC. Biggest regret of my life having them.

Not sure what my AIBU is, sorry. Just can't go on.

I can't remember if it's Cerebra or Contact but one of those two charities have a dedicated sleep support service for families of disabled children that can be accessed for free. I've found them both so helpful and the resources/support they offer is invaluable

Thanks @snugglepuff. Funnily enough I have a new v shaped pillow and ds has definitely demonstrated a likeness to it!

@sausagerole thanks, I'll check them both out.

Thank you to everyone posting with sympathy and suggestions, I really do appreciate it. Especially in the middle of the night when it feels like DS and I are the only people awake in the world

I guess that should say DS has shown a liking not likeness. Bloody sleep deprivation!

Currently sitting on MN while my 9 year old ASD son sits on the end of my bed chomping an apple

@Freyaismyname

Currently sitting on MN while my 9 year old ASD son sits on the end of my bed chomping an apple

Oh no... Will he go back to sleep or is that you up now?

Slow release melatonin works better. They’re the tiny pink tablets. GPs don’t like prescribing it as I think it’s more expensive, but you can ask for it specifically (or get your consultant paediatrician, or social worker, to request it, for you). DH and I have done every sleep course going; but the only thing that works is grabbing sleep whenever you can.

My son went through this and it was hell. I used to put fireman Sam on the iPad at like 3am for him to watch while I dozed. Not ideal but it was all about survival. Now he's 10 and an absolute grump and doesn't want to get out of bed on a morning🙄my advice is to just do what you can to catch up on sleep whenever you can even if it's not "a routine" it will all fall into place eventually

Hi @HateLife21, no advice from me I'm sorry, but here with a hand hold and 💐for you. Keep going you're doing a fantastic job, sleep deprivation is horrendous. I hope some of the pps suggestions work for you x

You’re all absolute sheros/heroines. Nothing but respect here. It’s brutal.

@HateLife21 I just thought of a practical thing that helped. Fleece sheets and duvet covers. The sensory feel is very calming for DD.

I had a baby that wasn’t the best sleeper, it nearly broke me. I massively struggled with the “no life” thing of having no evenings so I stayed up far too late and cleaned/ went on my phone when he napped etc.
He’s 9 now and although he’s not one to lay in, he generally sleeps until about 5/ 6am.
However my whole philosophy about what a “life” is has changed.
I often go to bed at 8.30pm out of choice!
If you try to let go of how life should be and value sleep like you do air, water, food etc. Then you will realise that “no life” is the absolute suffering that comes in the day after a night with no sleep.
You have my sympathies, I will honestly pray for you. You will get through this but you must, must, must try some way to relax yourself, in order for you to be able to sleep in every moment you can xx

I absolutely agree with Epsom salts. I discovered them by accident - bought when I had an infected toenail, and used them as a drawing agent. The toe healed up, but as the bag was so enormous, I added them to the bath and found that I slept much deeper.

And then I had a ‘aha!’ moment and added them to Ds’ bath (I posted upthread about my chronic struggles with DS’ sleep in the past - he has classic ASD, learning difficulties and other things on top) and, lo and behold, he does sleep better if I’ve added them to his evening bath. Now that it’s school holidays and we have nowhere to go, he has his bath in the morning, and (this may be coincidence but who knows) he has fallen asleep maybe two hours later than normal for over a week. I am going to try the Epsom salts tonight and see if they help.

Worth a try, maybe?

I'm wondering about the co sleeping thing? Every sympathy with your situation but is it wise?

Sounds like there’s some good advice here from experienced parents in this situation. I’m not that but I would second the advice to get out of the house no matter what the weather. Well, unless it’s appalling. A bit of light rain doesn’t stop a trip to the park - get waterproof clothes and take an old towel. Shake the swing seats if wet and wipe with towel. Wipe down slide if he likes that.
Getting sleep yourself in the evening is good as well - let go of the view that you should have that time yourself and get to sleep then.

PS can you clear the snow off the trampoline and let him on it? I’d let him on in trainers so he doesn’t get soaking feet. Both me and my SIL let our DC on the trampoline in winter.

Till ds1 was 4 h drove him 10.30-11.30 every night to get him to sleep. We were sort of lucky in that once he was asleep he was gone, but we just couldn’t get him there. After that we spent 2-3hrs every night laying with him 8-10pm and then when he was 6 I just snapped I added up the amount of hours per week I was laying in a dark room whilst I had so many better things to do. I stopped doing it and let him find his balance (the school and paeds said just leave him to wander round). Last night he went to sleep at 1am but got up at 11. He’s 8 now.

Ds2 was easy to get to sleep but woke at 1-2am full of beans, talking, dancing etc. I’d get posts on here telling me to punish him but he wouldn’t have understood why. Now he’s 6 I often wake to him laying next to me with his eyes open in the night, but he has learned not to wake me up in the night now. If he thinks I’m awake tho he’ll start asking me to list my favourite Lego minifigs.

Dd is now 4 she still wakes in the night sometimes and needs to touch my stomach to sooth herself back to sleep, if she can’t she asks for ‘watching’ and has her tablet while I snooze next to her. She was the worst tho for waking in the night. She’s also not great at going to sleep. She fed every 45 mins for 2 years then only slept 90 mins at a time till 3. From 3 the wakings became only once per night. Then she started sleeping for longer stretches. When she turned 4 her longest stretch was 9 hours but usually at least 7 hours 5 times a week. Now she’s 4.3 she goes to sleep at 11ish and usually wakes between 7-8.

We wanted 4 but I honestly think it would have killed me. When I look back at just how horrible it was it feels like a dream happening to someone else. You are like a boiling frog. Adapting to each worsening day with increasingly life limiting solutions. I feel so much for you op. I know it’s no help but it does get better. Try to prioritise yourselves and try to be kind to each other. H and I were often utterly vile. We realistically discussed divorce as an option so we could each get a break from the kids. It’s slow dripping torture.

MrsKoala I honestly don't know how you have survived 3 awful sleepers 😱. Serious respect to you and your DH. We have an older DC who was bad (but in hindsight nowhere near as bad as it could have been) but we sleep trained when DC 2 was on the way and it took 3 nights. Totally different ball game though as they were very verbal and could be reasoned with at 2.

DH and I have also seriously discussed divorce so we could have every other weekend off. It's so horrible. I'm studying part time at the minute and I'm so jealous of the other mature students who study in the evening once their kids are in bed

Sorry, posted too soon.i am feeling more positive after a couple of good sleeps though. DH is currently driving DC around to get them to sleep, so hopefully we can aim for 9.30/10 bedtime again.

So grateful for the suggestions posted here as feel I've still got a few tricks up my sleeve. When I first posted I was truly desperate. Was genuinely starting to contemplate ways of ending it all. It's honestly amazing what a couple of decent sleeps can do for your mental health

Absolutely. I think you also need a deal with your DH where he takes the morning shift 1-2 times a week. I know that’s a separate battle though.

I’m going to try the Epsom and the weighted blanket with my appalling sleeper

How was your night Op?