3 yo wakes for the day at 2/3 am. Fucking hate my life

[HateLife21]

DC3 has ASD. Always been a shit sleeper. Only sleeps for 6-7 hours max per night. Doesn't nap. Last few weeks has been exhausted and asleep by 7.30. Then wide awake by 2.15 am. Might go back to sleep after 6 until about 8.30. That's it. We co-sleep as they get so distressed about being alone they vomit. Tonight has been violently rocking on the bed since 3am. (Gave Calpol and milk at 2.30 in the hope they'd settle).

I can't do this anymore. I hate my life. I really resent DC. Biggest regret of my life having them.

Not sure what my AIBU is, sorry. Just can't go on.

OP you have my sympathy. Sleep deprivation is horrendous.

Definitely speak to the paediatrician again as there are two types of melatonin. One to get you over to sleep, and a slow release one to keep you asleep. My autistic daughter was prescribed both and it worked for a while. This website details the different types available in the UK www.medicinesforchildren.org.uk/melatonin-sleep-disorders

Have you thought about trying a weighted blanket? That was a big help to my daughter too. An alternative to that is a compression sheet which works well for my other daughter.

I hope you find something that works soon.

All of my dc went through a phase of this at that age. I took them downstairs in the dark (night lights helped), kept the TV and lights off and didn't allow toys. They would ask for lights and I'd say it's night thats sleep time.
After a short while they would ask to go upstairs and I said no. They wanted to be downstairs. After a minute I would agree on the condition they stay in their bed.
A few nights of this and they stopped getting me up.

If your partner has insomnia anyway, can't he do the night wakings?

Thank you all so much for the understanding and suggestions. I'll read through again and make a list.

To those that have asked, no I don't regularly 'drug' him with Calpol/ibuprofen, but he is non verbal so I can only really look at his behaviour to know if he is unwell, and after a couple of nights when sleep has been even worse than normal it's worth a try, no?

Thank you for the solidarity. It's quite shocking how many of you have had this or similar I'm obviously not glad that people have suffered like this, but it does help to feel less alone. As a parent of an ASD child I do feel quite alone.

This morning DC passed out from tiredness at 9.10. Being so tired I've gone with it and just woke them. Hopefully we can now do a later bedtime tonight and have a slightly more reasonable get up time 🤞

When my dd went through this phase (also asd) I just put a video on to be honest, she would watch the same episode over and over willingly and it auto started. It was a phase and starting preschool at 3 helped a lot because she was so tired when she hit home at 1 she would fall asleep after lunch, then go to sleep for the night about 9.30/10 sleeping until 7

I haven't read the whole thread but wonder if anybody has suggested a weighted blanket? These can work wonders.

I really sympathise, I have an ASD child too and he didn't sleep at all for the first 2.5 years. I was lucky if I got an hours sleep every night. One day though, he did just sleep through and he's been fine ever since (he's now 9). I know I've been fortunate in that respect, especially as I'm a single parent with no support.

I agree with going back to GP and being brutally honest. Good luck

[quote KiwiKit]@MellowYellow101 when they ‘ACTUALLY’ need it? OP is at breaking point. Sounds to me like he ‘ACTUALLY’ needs it right now. If you read my post you will see I have said TWICE that OP must speak to her GP about it. I will make sure to tell my son’s psychiatrist that prescribing antihistamines for sleep deprivation is a terrible idea though. Clearly you know better.[/quote]
Did you not read the rest of my comment? Are you a doctor? Re you actually aware that giving antihistamines willy nilly actually does more damage longer term and can create more issues later down the line when there are no existing allergies?

I recommended she seeks professional medical advice as known as a DOCTOR. Despite the army of mumsnetters that give medical advice based on their own experience, I stand by that comment.

I fully understand the desperation of sleep deprivation, I have been there too and it is the worst but none of you know her or her child's medical needs and a doctor is better suited, not you sadly.

@MellowYellow101 luckily I said it I didn’t have to use them long term then!! I specifically said we used them short term. I also said, REPEATEDLY, that she should consult with her GP. I’m really not sure what your issue is? It’s something that worked for us, as prescribed and recommended by a DOCTOR, so I recommended she speak to THEIR DOCTOR about it. Calm down. Jesus.

I would definitely go the melatonin route. Or magnesium can be a good sleep aid, too.

I have every sympathy for you, OP. I’m an early rising insomniac, and go through phases of walking at 3am for six weeks or more. It is absolutely soul destroying and leaves you on your knees. As my doctor said, do whatever you need to do—within reason—to achieve sleep.

[quote KiwiKit]@MellowYellow101 luckily I said it I didn’t have to use them long term then!! I specifically said we used them short term. I also said, REPEATEDLY, that she should consult with her GP. I’m really not sure what your issue is? It’s something that worked for us, as prescribed and recommended by a DOCTOR, so I recommended she speak to THEIR DOCTOR about it. Calm down. Jesus.[/quote]
Fully calm thanks for the concern. If anything I think its you that needs to get a grip - very defensive and clearly not a doctor to make medical recommendations. But crack on if it makes you feel important.

I am not going to waste anymore time responding to you, I've given my advice to OP but sure you'll have some irrelevant and immature response anyway.

Good luck OP

We have just been advised by our GP to dose our son in the day with Piriton which is available over the counter. I don't think medised is readily available now.

Don’t blame yourself- it’s natural to feel like this, you’re exhausted.

Can GP/social worker/CAMHS help? Are you on any ASD parent forums or Facebook groups? They can be huge sources of support.

If none of that works could you try going to bed earlier, so you at least sleep when he does? Might make the early waking less awful.

If you can afford it would you try a sleep consultant? A good one will have sleep training methods for older children as well as babies. Ours did. It may not work with an ASD child, but worth looking in to.

Lastly, is there anyone safe and trustworthy who’d have him overnight so you could get a break?

Sympathies, OP.

I echo the recommendations for magnesium. True magnesium deficiency is quite rare but if your child has a limited diet their levels could be low. You can get chewable supplements or creams, usually applied to feet and calves.

Is it worth taking the hit for a few days - allow the 5pm nap and the midnight bedtime (it might get you 7 hours straight of sleep at least). If that gets you a "normal" wake up it might allow you to "reset" your timings for the day and get back to a normal nap and bed at like 10/11 sleeping til 5? Not perfect but better than 2am wake ups?

no advice I’m afraid but you definitely ANBU. I really hope some of the advice here helps OP. Sleep deprivation is awful - I hope things improve soon.

When ds was young, we had melatonin and an anti histamine medication called Alimemazine. The melatonin helped him go to sleep, the alimemazine helped him stay asleep until about 5am which was more manageable.

Ignore people trying to make you feel bad about giving calpol, mine is unable to tell me if she feels unwell so I have absolutely given it before to see if it helps.

Tablet in bed next to you, with the screen lock on if they can't use it properly. I didn't trust mine with headphones at that age so I'd put earplugs in to try and block out the sound of Mr Tumble.

My husband and I slept in shifts for a while and definitely found that the best way.

OP you poor thing. DD is ASD and used to wake in the night when young. She too is non-verbal.

Does your DC respond to music? My DD did so we’d put some gentle music and a night projector on in her room which helped her stay in bed longer. She could then be awake but “entertained” safely.
Consider joining your local National Autistic Society. They usually have FB groups which are filled with parents who have been in your shoes.
Ask them if there is a local sleep practitioner who might be able to help too.
And like other PP, a weighted blanket could really help as well.

Have you tried phenergan. This can be bought over the counter and I know a couple of people with children with asd who use this along with melatonin as it keeps the child asleep. All prescribed by their doctor. Just to note on a small percentage of people it can have the opposite affect so just be prepared just in case

My DS was like this- it was soul crushing.
He's 13 now, and although is still not a 'good' sleeper, it's much better.

I don't have much to add to the other advice given, but do you have a fan? DS can't sleep without one on, not sure if it's the noise, the cooling or both.
Could be worth a try if you haven't already.

I think it's been said already but it's not responsible for posters to advocate the use of over the counter antihistamines for sedation without a prescription from the GP.

Many are not licensed for that purpose and can cause unwanted side effects (nightmares, confusion, dry mouth, blurred vision, urinary retention). Children under two can suffer from potentially fatal respiratory depression if given phenergan (good luck getting a pharmacist to sell it to you anyway!).

Not sleeping is awful, I understand the desperation but it is a ways best to seek advice from a qualified medical professional, not off the Internet.

Obviously if I allowed this bedtime would be after midnight.

Would this be a bad thing? How long would he sleep if he went at midnight? What time do the other children go to sleep?

I had similar with ds2 and dd. If they went to bed before 10pm they’d be up at 2-3am and then fall back asleep at 6am. So I stopped trying to get them to bed early, allowed late naps and we all went to bed together (co sleeping) at midnight and I at least got a solid chunk of 5-6 hours, which was way better than 3 smaller chunks of 2 hours then being woken.

We also use tablets/films in the bed if they wake now (dd does still about once a week).

I also had 4hr naps at weekends while h had them. It is horrible. I stopped driving as I was so tired I was scared of causing an accident. I had to have an mri as the symptoms were similar to that of MS.

Have u tried white noise hun to see if it keeps ur little one settled and asleep during the night xx

Have you tried putting a movie on for him?

I know it is far from ideal but exhaustion drove me to this with my first. I would then get to sleep until 6am.

It is so hard! Our DS is the same and children with ASC often aren’t good sleepers.

We slowly pushed back bedtime so although he didn’t sleep any longer he slept later until later, more in line with our sleep patterns. So week 1 kept him going until 8pm, gave him a bath, kept him busy and worked through the grouchiness. Week 2 bedtime was 9pm, week 3 10pm and week 4 bedtime at 10pm with sensory lights etc and goes to sleep about 11pm.

It was horrible, he was grouchy, we didn’t let him nap but I honestly think it saved our sanity in the long run!

What part of the country are you in? Just wondering if you could access any short break respite support? Even a night every now and then would help!