3 yo wakes for the day at 2/3 am. Fucking hate my life

[HateLife21]

DC3 has ASD. Always been a shit sleeper. Only sleeps for 6-7 hours max per night. Doesn't nap. Last few weeks has been exhausted and asleep by 7.30. Then wide awake by 2.15 am. Might go back to sleep after 6 until about 8.30. That's it. We co-sleep as they get so distressed about being alone they vomit. Tonight has been violently rocking on the bed since 3am. (Gave Calpol and milk at 2.30 in the hope they'd settle).

I can't do this anymore. I hate my life. I really resent DC. Biggest regret of my life having them.

Not sure what my AIBU is, sorry. Just can't go on.

My friend used to give her ASD toddler son a dose of Piriton syrup when he woke in the early hours.

It's probably not ideal, but it at least meant she got the rest she needed to cope with 3 DCs, only one of whom was NT, during the day.

Mind you, back in the 60s, the family GP recommended that my mother added a few drops of brandy to my DB's last bottle at night, as he always woke at 2-3 am and didn't go back to sleep.

I remember those days....
My son ,now 13, has ASD and didn't sleep at that age either. Got so tired I fell asleep at the wheel and crashed my car one day . It was worse when he was see as so sick, and he often was with repeated ear infections and asthma.
He's still not a great sleeper , goes to sleep about 10 with 6 mg of melatonin, but nowadays gets up anf turns on his light and reads. He will eventually fall back asleep after a couple of hours but doesn't wake everyone else up now. I can tell he's had a bad night in the morning if he's still asleep and the floor is covered with books
So what helped when he was little: no naps after lunchtime, excercise during day, melatonin before bed, bedtime story. If he woke before 2-3 I would give him milk as I figured he might be hungry and I d give him anextra dose of melatonin as the short acting one wears off after A few hours.
Also I tried to go to bed early so as to get a few uninterrupted hours before he woke. I would sometimes have a catch up sleep during the day if I could find some one to mind him
It does get better eventually

This sounds ridiculous but worked for a friend.
If you have a garage or shed, set up a campbed with a portable heater and swap nights about with DH. They each got a full interrupted sleep every other night.
Desperate times.

@HateLife21

I gave Calpol as last couple of nights I gave ibuprofen at bedtime and DC slept for 7 hours instead of 5-6 so thought it was worth a try.

I've read that melatonin won't work in the middle of the night.

The only way to push bedtime back is to ensure naps in the day. But this week even driving around isn't working, they just won't nap. So it's a struggle to keep them up til 7 ISH tbh. DC is a whingy whiny nightmare from around 3pm every day and I have to watch or else they will try to to take themself off for a sleep at 5ish. Obviously if I allowed this bedtime would be after midnight.

Ibuprofen and Calpol are painkillers...In DC is not in pain, they won't 'Sedate'.

Contact your GP and ask him about 'Phenergan' ..Which IS a sedating drug.

A male GP I knew said he used to keep a pair of small welly boots in his surgery, and would bring them out when presented with an exhausted mother..
He'd say ..Get these...And run the legs off your DC.

He had numerous DC, so spoke from experience.

But if a DC won't walk, it is tricky. Physical exercise is great for mellowing DC out.

I really feel for you, sleep deprivation is the worst. My son used to wake about 10 times a night EVERY NIGHT and only now at nearly 5 is he sleeping better. We still have night waking but not as bad as before.

Don't give DC calpol / ibuprofen unless ill though. Speak to a doctor about the sleep issues. I would also suggest not co-sleeping as this for us triggered the anxiety about sleeping in his own bed. Could you maybe put a cot bed in your room so he/she knows you are nearby but gives you the space you need to sleep?

To the person who suggested antihistamines- this is a really bad idea too. Dosing a child with antihistamines now will make them less resistant when they ACTUALLY need it. Dont follow this advice, go to a doctor.

I know its hard, it nearly broke me.

I really feel for you, as DS is 13 with ASD/SLD and sensory processing disorder
He’s never really slept properly- either taking ages to fall asleep or waking really early and that’s him ready for the day. We find it comes and goes in phases- sometimes he sleeps and other times he just doesn’t.
I’m afraid it’s just one of those things, melatonin and we also give phenergen, are very hit and miss if your child’s regulation is out of whack. We’ve asked his paediatrician for help and even begged for sedatives for him, but they’ve said there’s nothing to prescribe
He’s been having little sleep since the start of December- Christmas time over stimulates him and we’ve done the sleep courses, and we have the same routines for bed and during the day he does a lot of outdoor activity, still hit and miss if he falls asleep or stays asleep
2 days ago, he went to bed at 9.30, with melatonin given then, he was still awake at midnight and 2.30, I cold still hear him at 5 and I got up at 7, he was still awake, so basically he hasn’t slept
Yesterday he went to bed and was asleep at 10.30 and has woken at 7 tiday in a lovely mood.
When he was little I’d get up with him and put the tv on, both of us under a blanket and I tried to sleep while he watched tv
Now, I leave him bed and will give another melatonin if it’s the early hours ( 2 or 3am) sometimes he drops back off, other times he doesn’t
It’s awful , for them and you and I’m afraid to say, there’s not much you can do. Sending hugs, as I can really relate

@MellowYellow101 when they ‘ACTUALLY’ need it? OP is at breaking point. Sounds to me like he ‘ACTUALLY’ needs it right now. If you read my post you will see I have said TWICE that OP must speak to her GP about it. I will make sure to tell my son’s psychiatrist that prescribing antihistamines for sleep deprivation is a terrible idea though. Clearly you know better.

Oh and as I previous poster suggested, I go to bed early as I can so at least I get a bit of sleep in case of the early start

I’d get him warm waterproof clothing and get him outside as much as physically possible. Tedious and the last thing you want. Would he walk/run for a purpose? Say if you laminated a sheet with pictures on and he needed to find them. So leaf/stick/rocks etc. Nothing too difficult-just to give him a reason for walking. Would he use the hose to make puddles to splash in? Could you make a fire and let him bake potatoes/chocolate bananas? Anything to keep him out in the air and wearing him out and the fire may be an added warmth.
I’d do all of that, and get the phenerghan. You also need to speak to a GP/specialist about the toll this is taking on you and yours needs. You cannot give your all to looking after him when you are on empty.
I really feel for you and hope you find some solace soon

OP, you poor, poor love.

My recommendations to add to the wonderful support you're getting here are:
Magnesium supplements for your DC. Autistic/adhd individuals tend to have lower magnesium levels. Magnesium will help with sleep. You can get soluble/chewable magnesium for kids.

If you can't get outdoors (very hard to do in winter and even harder with ASD kids) you can watch videos on movement therapy on YT and get some ideas for doing a daily bit of movement therapy at home.

Not your GP, but your paediatrician can refer your DC to paediatric neurology's sleep medicine services in your area. In London, it is at the Evelina children's hospital. Just to clarify, your paediatrician can refer. Your GP cannot. www.evelinalondon.nhs.uk/our-services/hospital/sleep-medicine-department/referrals.aspx

I do appreciate that sleep deprivation is a nightmare. But there is no way you should be dosing him up with either Calpol or ibuprofen. Why are you doing that?

Perhaps it is time to stop the cosleeping? Perhaps you are disturbing him.

Sounds terrible, but constantly giving ibuprofen and paracetamol could be quite bad for their health and will contribute nothing unless they are in pain.

Good advice so far.

I’m just here to say that sounds horrendous and you are doing a brilliant job. Keep asking for help, don’t be fobbed off, you need help now.

Which melatonin are you prescribed? The slow release tablet help get them to sleep and stay asleep. My son was on it for years. Big hugs

Sleep deprivation is the worst. I'm not sure which dicks are clicking YABU but I hope it makes them feel good about themselves knowing a mother is on her knees like this and they're just making it worse

I think you can buy Phenergan over the counter.
I'm not a dr or pharmacist but yes, hold back on the calpol especially. I reckon the dr said melatonin wouldn't work in the night as he was just following a guideline, sod that and do it. And as pp have said, it's totally natural.

If your DH has insomnia can he do all the evening jobs etc so you can go to bed really early so you can get more sleep?

I’d also go back to the paed. And really push for some options to try.
Best wishes

I really feel for you OP.

But Yy to exercise, exercise and more exercise. No one wants to sleep when they’re not physically tired. You need to physically tire him out, slowly and steadily and build up his stamina. I’ve found the sleep deprivation makes the ASD worse and visa versa.

We used to use an antihistamine too. Shouldn't have, but we were desperate.
I also used to spend all day everyday outdoors - it helped me with exhaustion and it helped DS have long naps. I was always too wired and hyped in adrenalin to nap at the same time but at least I could use them to sit down and think my own thoughts for an hour or two.

Also, I know this is obvious and I also know it's not always practical, given how little ASD DC eat anyway but try to avoid sugar and white flour. I didn't, because he was skeletally thin and ate nothing, so we relied on trashy foods to keep him alive sometimes, but if you can, encourage calming foods: milk, eggs, fish, bananas, nuts (if no allergy). May not help but shouldn't make him hyper, at least.

@HateLife21

We've been prescribed melatonin but it only helps with the initial falling asleep which isn't a problem as DC is exhausted. So it's no use whatsoever.

Have told GP in the past how much I'm struggling. He just said he really sympathised but there's not much out there in terms of support

Can you give the melatonin when he wakes up in the middle of the night?

GP dosage for my DC included a ‘top up’ tablet of 2mg if DC woke up in the middle of the night so chat with the GP to see if it can be administered middle of the night instead.

Granted it may mean Your child is a little drowsy at wake up time but it’s worth trying for sanity and sleep. It literally saved my life as I am a single mother and barely slept for nearly a decade. I’m now in the can only sleep 4-6 hrs a night before waking such is the unwilling sleep training DC put me through 😬🙈

OP. Couple of suggestions, definitely a multivitamin, echoing PP with magnesium deficiencies being common. A banana if you can before bed (potassium - helps them sleep), a good handful of Epsom salts in a bath before bed too (helps with magnesium). If you can put lavender essential oil in the bath too. I’ve found that the teething granuals (Nelsons natural ones) help calm mine for naps. I’ve also found that white noise helps (temperature is a big thing for sleep so we have a fan that does double duty on that) and yes to a weighted blanket.
Good luck and please look after yourself

Please don't give your 3 year old painkillers if she doesn't need it or use a weighted blanket so young. I understand it's awful. I had an early riser. I would seriously consider a sleep trainer. They should be able to help you work out if it's a habit thing ( that can be corrected) or a medical thing ( in which case you may need referral to a sleep clinic). I got mine to stay in bed until a reasonable hour, but it was really tough (and I found it hard to be consistent when I was exhausted but I couldn't keep starting my day in the middle of the night). Sleep deprivation is the worst op. I really feel for you

That sounds horrendous, can your DH at least take it in turns with you?

If he has a late afternoon nap and then doesn’t go to bed until midnight, does he then sleep until 7am? If so, that is what I would do. That way, although you get no evening without children you do get a decent night’s sleep.