To get a refund for these presents

[ToniTheDonkey]

My OH told me he was going to spend Xmas Day at my house and told me what he wanted to eat. I spent £170 on food including meat (for him - I’m veggie) and alcohol (I’m teetotal). He turned up at 1.30 on Christmas Day empty handed and has not yet offered any money towards the cost of the food.

After dinner he opened his presents - I’d spent about £300 on him. There were a couple of presents he said he didn’t like. He could have been polite and not said anything. Knowing my OH, when he packs his stuff to go home, he’ll leave behind the presents he didn’t like. WIBU to take those presents back for a refund and keep the money to offset the cost of the Xmas food?

Get some self respect. Are you really so desperate to not be alone that you'll stay with someone like him? Really? It's quite sad, isnt it?

He sounds thoroughly selfish and pretty useless. What did he say when you asked him about your gifts? And what did he say when you asked him about the costs involved? Oh, wait.... let me guess; you havent said anything. Because that would leas to an argument and you want to keep the peace to keep your boyfriend?

End it with him. Tell him to leave today and end the relationship.

You're not "together" OP.

A friend wouldn't show up for Xmas empty handed. Never mind someone who's supposed to love and respect you.

Nobody but an entitled freeloading skin flint would do that.

Did he buy you anything for Christmas?

@CakeRequired

Take them all back, dump him and kick him out today.

This!.

THIS!!.

THIS!!!

Yes, what happened for your last birthday. I would definitely ditch him, this is him at his best this early in so it doesn't bode well.

I would take them all back tbh and tell him to piss off

Why are you bypassing all the posters telling you to dump him? And only focusing on those who are talking about presents?... The presents isn’t the big issue here. Your DH is a dickwad

He invited himself, and you then spent £300 on presents! Didn't you think that was a bit inappropriate? You say that Xmas isn't a big deal for you but £300 on a present for 1 person who is not a very long term partner is excessive , and sends the wrong message.
You sound quite passive about the fact of him staying for Xmas, we're there any discussions about who would provide food and drink?
Anyway, only a knob would invite themselves and turn up empty- handed, this guy knows a free ride when he sees one.
Please don't accept this sort of behaviour again, it's disrespectful.

LTB. He quite obviously gives zero shits about you. You deserve much much more than this.

Op, do you suffer from low self esteem? Is there mental health issues at plat here?

This man is treating you terribly. And instead of ending it, you’re on here worrying if you should return the unwanted gifts.

Can you see what’s wrong with this?

What did he get you? If nothing they all go back.

@FamilyOfAliens

Actually I’m intrigued to know how the present unwrapping went.

Did he sit there with £300 worth of presents while you sat there with nothing watching him unwrap them? Did he acknowledge in any way that he had bought you nothing? Was he at all embarrassed?

That was exactly what happened. We sat down together, he opened his presents and I just watched. He wasn’t embarrassed

I also find this tale a bit odd, as aren't most people usually quite careful to make sure that they give roughly the same amount as they get, whoever the recipient is? I'd be embarrassed to spend a lot less, but also embarrassed to spend a lot more. Were you expecting something worth £300, OP? Or did you give those gifts knowing that he was unlikely to spend a similar amount?

What happened last Christmas?

So you don’t live togther, that makes things instantly easier. Get rid of the presents and get a refund, and get rid of him.

@WhereverIGoddamnLike

Get some self respect. Are you really so desperate to not be alone that you'll stay with someone like him? Really? It's quite sad, isnt it?

He sounds thoroughly selfish and pretty useless. What did he say when you asked him about your gifts? And what did he say when you asked him about the costs involved? Oh, wait.... let me guess; you havent said anything. Because that would leas to an argument and you want to keep the peace to keep your boyfriend?

End it with him. Tell him to leave today and end the relationship.

I haven’t said anything about the cost of the food as he’s not gone home yet - I was hoping that before he leaves he would say something along the lines of “thank you for having me and how much do I owe you?”

And you said nothing because ...

It’s all pointing to you being a complete doormat and I’m embarrassed in for behalf. Unless there’s some massive drip-feed on the way.

Or did you give those gifts knowing that he was unlikely to spend a similar amount

This sort of thing happens when someone is desperate. Desperate to please and impress. I am worried that’s what the op is doing. And that’s why she’s worried about returning the unwanted gifts, in case it pisses him off.

@ravenmum

I also find this tale a bit odd, as aren't most people usually quite careful to make sure that they give roughly the same amount as they get, whoever the recipient is? I'd be embarrassed to spend a lot less, but also embarrassed to spend a lot more. Were you expecting something worth £300, OP? Or did you give those gifts knowing that he was unlikely to spend a similar amount?

I wasn’t expecting an expensive present but I would have liked something.

And if he says nothing, neither will you?

You can do so much better than this freeloader.

@Bluntness100

Op, do you suffer from low self esteem? Is there mental health issues at plat here?

This man is treating you terribly. And instead of ending it, you’re on here worrying if you should return the unwanted gifts.

Can you see what’s wrong with this?

Very low self esteem. As for MH, I’m bipolar. I do have a problem with overspending.

You know for a fact he's not going to offer you anything. He is fucking shameless.

Wtf take him back whilst you’re at it! Why haven’t you said “btw your half for the shop was £85 can you transfer it when you get a chance please?”

I’m going to find the supermarket receipts in a minute to see what I actually did spend £170 on.