To get a refund for these presents

[ToniTheDonkey]

My OH told me he was going to spend Xmas Day at my house and told me what he wanted to eat. I spent £170 on food including meat (for him - I’m veggie) and alcohol (I’m teetotal). He turned up at 1.30 on Christmas Day empty handed and has not yet offered any money towards the cost of the food.

After dinner he opened his presents - I’d spent about £300 on him. There were a couple of presents he said he didn’t like. He could have been polite and not said anything. Knowing my OH, when he packs his stuff to go home, he’ll leave behind the presents he didn’t like. WIBU to take those presents back for a refund and keep the money to offset the cost of the Xmas food?

Just tell him his share is x so can he transfer the money when he gets home.

(Though normally you'd agree a budget in advance so neither person is surprised and agree what to do about items leftover -if lots of not drunk bottles)

Leaving gifts he doesn't like seems rude, surely you ask for receipt so can exchange?

Going to go against the grain here, but did you agree he would pay for part of the food? Because £170 is a lot to spend on food for 2 people, especially when one is veggie and tee total.

Did he get you any presents? I think budgets should be set between couples.

How bloody rude! He should’ve at least bought his alcohol, who turns up completely empty handed at Christmas??

Keep the presents, return & buy yourself something lovely and seriously reconsider this relationship, he sounds selfish and a freeloader

I would be appalled if my partner cooked me a meal and then asked me to help pay for it.

Me too, if it was a standard meal as part of a reciprocal arrangement. Christmas is a bit different as it’s so expensive.

This makes me cringe OP! I would be fuming. Dont put up with it. You deserve better. Talk to him calmly about how his actions made you feel.
But I on the other hand would of slammed the door in his face if he turned up empty handed and not offered to pay a penny :)

Return them for a refund. Return him to his mother. Then look at why your bar is set so low.

@Pipandmum

While it sounds like he is not a very considerate person, I would be appalled if my partner cooked me a meal and then asked me to help pay for it. But yes return the gifts and keep the money.

Don't be disingenuous. That's not what the OP said. She said he turned up empty handed. If you think it's ok to do that to someone hosting any kind of dinner you're plain rude yourself.

Isn’t the bigger question why you’re behaving like this with this man? He treats you with disdain and dis interest and you can’t do enough for him..

It just sounds really demeaning.

Did he buy you a Christmas gift OP?

Without doubt keep the refund. Then send him away for good.

Ugh I’d get a refund for the presents and dump the knobhead tbh. He’s mugging you off big time and you’re letting him.

I never understood why grown ups spent so much on gifts. Just bonkers.

just take the presents back and dump him.

My boyfriend stays with me rather than the other way around as I live in a good walking area so we spend a bit of time out. He came on Xmas Day after the kids handover and has just gone home. So, compare and contrast: as well as my presents he he brought three bottles of wine, one of champagne, a bunch of flowers, and a box of luxury chocolates. He also built me a potting bench and cut off a dangerous branch on a tree in my garden. I provided and cooked all meals and we ate well. Yours is freeloading.

YABU for not sacking him off.

Bloody hell op where is your self respect? Where are your standards? Why do you dislike yourself so much that you will put up with this? Is his cock made of gold?

Everyone is right OP. He’s not an OH just a ligger.

Op

Do you have any self respect? Any at all?

Did you have a conversation beforehand about Christmas expectations? It seems you are coming from very different places. I can’t understand adults buying gifts for each other without asking what the other person would like.
Have you been together long??

@Mrgrinch

You spent £170 on food and drink for 2 people?

It wasn’t just for Xmas Day, but for a few days afterwards.

Can you take back the OH while you're at it?

@Pipandmum

While it sounds like he is not a very considerate person, I would be appalled if my partner cooked me a meal and then asked me to help pay for it. But yes return the gifts and keep the money.

I can understand that if I’d invited him for Xmas, but he invited himself. I don’t really do Xmas, if left to my own devices I’d have just had what I normally have for dinner.

How long have you been with him op.

@Hopdathelf

I know you’re using colloquially, but he doesn’t sound much of an other half, does he? Ungrateful part time cock lodger more like.

I was calling him OH as we don’t live together so I don’t feel DP is the right word, and I’m a bit too old for a boyfriend.

I don’t really do Xmas, if left to my own devices I’d have just had what I normally have for dinner

Well considering you spent nearly five hundred quid to try and impress this man, I think you defintely do do Xmas..

Take back all his gifts then take back the whole man.