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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get a refund for these presents

321 replies

ToniTheDonkey · 28/12/2020 09:23

My OH told me he was going to spend Xmas Day at my house and told me what he wanted to eat. I spent £170 on food including meat (for him - I’m veggie) and alcohol (I’m teetotal). He turned up at 1.30 on Christmas Day empty handed and has not yet offered any money towards the cost of the food.

After dinner he opened his presents - I’d spent about £300 on him. There were a couple of presents he said he didn’t like. He could have been polite and not said anything. Knowing my OH, when he packs his stuff to go home, he’ll leave behind the presents he didn’t like. WIBU to take those presents back for a refund and keep the money to offset the cost of the Xmas food?

OP posts:
BeyondFrustrated · 28/12/2020 13:44

He’s as tight as a duck’s arse and a user.

Make a New Years resolution to dump him.

MadeForThis · 28/12/2020 13:45

Take the presets back and dump him.

HermannlovesPauline · 28/12/2020 13:46

Dump his ass op - don’t be such a fucking doormat

oneglassandpuzzled · 28/12/2020 14:00

How is he your other half? He doesn’t live with you and you don’t seem to have much in common.

tsmainsqueeze · 28/12/2020 14:15

I would get the things he wants to keep back , get refunds for them too and get rid of him .
What a selfish git .
You don't need to say another word about him , the actions you gave described paint a very clear picture of him .

mam0918 · 28/12/2020 14:36

[quote kowari]**@kowari veg isn’t about £1 total.
Carrots and parsnips were 19p each at Tesco, cauliflower 29p, that's 67p, don't remember what potatoes and Brussel sprouts were as I don't buy them, but they were very cheap. You could have got the lot for less than £2.[/quote]
why are we talking about veg?

OP is a vegetarian, she would have bought veg anyway and likely nicer preprepared stuff... were veggie and for the whole family xmas dinner cost £20, her costs arent the issue here.

she bought the meat and alcohol soley for him or are you claiming she could get whiskey for 29p and ham for 19p etc...?

DianaT1969 · 28/12/2020 14:38

OP, do you have a friend or family member that you can trust, and who would be willing to oversee your finances? Being quite brutal, you can't be trusted with your own money. You are getting into further debt because you are being targeted by freeloading, selfish twats. He isn't the first, is he?
Please ask your friends and family for an intervention, so that these users (combined with your low self-esteem) can't push you further into debt.
How do your DC fit into this? They lose out if you're in debt.

LittleBearPad · 28/12/2020 16:40

@DianaT1969

OP, do you have a friend or family member that you can trust, and who would be willing to oversee your finances? Being quite brutal, you can't be trusted with your own money. You are getting into further debt because you are being targeted by freeloading, selfish twats. He isn't the first, is he? Please ask your friends and family for an intervention, so that these users (combined with your low self-esteem) can't push you further into debt. How do your DC fit into this? They lose out if you're in debt.
This is utterly objectionable. You have no idea the OP can’t generally manage her money even if on occasion it’s difficult for her.

You have no idea there are DC either. So have constructed your own little story to have a go at the OP.

CheesyWeez · 28/12/2020 17:17

I think I would help him pack when he leaves, and take out of his case the present he did want and get refunds on all of thegifts. Get up the Post office tomorrow to send them back. If he offers any money for the shopping then take it. If he doesn't then you could consider that a small price to pay by you for making the decision to start 2021 without him.

If you want to continue seeing him then talk about the money upfront each time, e.g. He can't come over because you haven't got much in and can't afford the extra shopping. Anyone will understand that. If he doesn't get it, point to Christmas 2020 and how you were out of pocket and he brought you nothing.

CrystalMaisie · 28/12/2020 17:30

Return all of the presents.

Hoghedge10 · 28/12/2020 17:40

He is using you and being quite clear that he is doing so.

I think you should ask him to leave immediately and if you are not having counselling yet then get yourself some booked pronto. If you are already in some form of therapy you need to talk about why this situation has happened.

It goes without saying that this is a toxic relationship (although there isn't actually a relationship) and he is deeply unpleasant person that is happy to use your issues to get as much out of you as possible.

Eryouwhat · 28/12/2020 18:26

Oh op what a user he is

ScottishBetty · 28/12/2020 19:24

@OhBollocksToIt

And you put up with this shit? Is somehow being single worse than being treated for a mug?

What does he bring to this relationship?

This! I'd take being single forever rather than put up with being treated so disrespectfully. Dump him, get a nice dog for company (and a decent vibrator) and you'll never look back 💃🏻
Sweettea1 · 28/12/2020 20:01

You paided for all the food and drink he turned up empty handed. Why did you give him them all? I would of given the cheapest one to him as a token gift and put rest away.

LoveMyKidsAndCats · 28/12/2020 23:38

Take them all back and dump him he sounds shit

Chuckleknuckles · 28/12/2020 23:46

You know OP, I think my husband is an asshole sometimes and then I read about guys like this and I realise I am in fact being very unreasonable. Is this guy what you think you deserve?
You should have agreed to split the cost upfront. I think you’re a bit unreasonable to ask him for half the money if you didn’t make it clear at the start. However I would absolutely take all the presents back and a refund. I’d also dump his sorry ass. There’s no real way of sugar coating it, but have some self respect. You’re worth more.

MisterT373 · 29/12/2020 00:01

What a nasty piece of work. He doesn't deserve you - get the money for food and get the gifts back for refunds. Horrible person.

gingerbiscuits · 29/12/2020 00:38

Why are you with this man????

AhNowTed · 29/12/2020 23:43

No word from the OP so I suspect she hasn't confronted this.

But if she's still here, I hope she finds the will to not put up with this miserly user any longer, and at least calls him out on it.

For her own sanity and dignity. Not to mention her purse.

blubberyboo · 30/12/2020 00:28

I’d return the gifts and ask him for half the cost of food

RAOK · 30/12/2020 01:02

He didn’t even get you a card. You deserve better than this man.

Nowaynothappening · 30/12/2020 01:03

Return the gifts and ditch the twat.

VenusTiger · 30/12/2020 01:48

Yes and I'd take him back for a refund too. What a spoilt twat. Manners don't cost a thing! Where's his effort????

Original poster
ToniTheDonkey · 31/12/2020 07:36

Wow, so many people have taken the time to reply, it’s going to take me all day to read all these replies.

When I posted I was just looking for a chance to whinge and get some sympathy but after your comments I spent a couple of days thinking about what I get out of the relationship. On the whole, he is a good partner/boyfriend. If we go out (remember those days?) we do tend to take turns paying and he does pay his way.

I still haven’t mentioned the cost of Xmas dinner or the lack of present as I don’t want to look granny and like I just want him for his money as his ex wife was like that . However, you’ve made me realise that there is a difference between being greedy and paying one’s fair share.

On the bright side, he did something this week that has “made up for” things and demonstrated that he is caring. I had a problem, entirely of my own making (think wrong liquid in wrong hole) and he was so lovely at sorting it out for me, didn’t take the mickey out of me at all. (if the positions were reversed I’d probably have teased him mercilessly Smile) and probably saved me a small fortune in getting a garage to sort out my mistake.

2020 is not yet over and although he’s gone home, there’s still time for me to be brave enough to mention the cost of Christmas!

OP posts:
Original poster
ToniTheDonkey · 31/12/2020 07:37

PS - someone asked if he had a golden cock - it’s not golden, but it’s very nice nevertheless! Grin

OP posts:
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