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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get a refund for these presents

321 replies

ToniTheDonkey · 28/12/2020 09:23

My OH told me he was going to spend Xmas Day at my house and told me what he wanted to eat. I spent £170 on food including meat (for him - I’m veggie) and alcohol (I’m teetotal). He turned up at 1.30 on Christmas Day empty handed and has not yet offered any money towards the cost of the food.

After dinner he opened his presents - I’d spent about £300 on him. There were a couple of presents he said he didn’t like. He could have been polite and not said anything. Knowing my OH, when he packs his stuff to go home, he’ll leave behind the presents he didn’t like. WIBU to take those presents back for a refund and keep the money to offset the cost of the Xmas food?

OP posts:
LannieDuck · 28/12/2020 09:58

Did he get you any presents? Did he seem embarrassed at opening £300 worth of gifts when he hadn't given you a single thing?

Bluntness100 · 28/12/2020 09:59

Have you not been together long?

Buttercream22 · 28/12/2020 09:59

If he turned up empty handed, I'm guessing he didn't get you anything for Xmas?

AnnaSW1 · 28/12/2020 09:59

The presents are the least of your worries by the sound of it.

Original poster
ToniTheDonkey · 28/12/2020 09:59

@itchyfinger

Going to go against the grain here, but did you agree he would pay for part of the food? Because £170 is a lot to spend on food for 2 people, especially when one is veggie and tee total.

Did he get you any presents? I think budgets should be set between couples.

No, he didn’t say he would pay for part of the food, but I didn’t invite him for Xmas - he invited himself. The food wasn’t just for Xmas Day but a few days after. He eats a LOT! No, he didn’t get home any presents, nor a card.
OP posts:
Original poster
ToniTheDonkey · 28/12/2020 10:00

@SaltyAF

Did he buy you a Christmas gift OP?
No, no present nor a card.
OP posts:
CodenameVillanelle · 28/12/2020 10:01

Why haven't you dumped him already then???

Chasingsquirrels · 28/12/2020 10:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 28/12/2020 10:01

I'd say YWNBU to return the gifts and keep the money.

Obviously how much anyone spends on Christmas is completely up them but you seem to have spent an awful lot, and have high expectations of what he spends / contributes which really should be subject to discussion before the spending takes place. For context, I spent similar on a household of 5 adults, we've eaten like kings, ans still have stuff left over. We are comfortably off but don't spend several hundreds on gifts for each other either. Personal choice but couples should come to a joint agreement before money is spent.

Thedarknightsaredrawingin · 28/12/2020 10:01

Truthfully I would return anything I could now and ask him to leave.

Splann · 28/12/2020 10:01

Why are you wasting your time, effort and money on this man?

ravenmum · 28/12/2020 10:01

He said he didn't want the presents, so why would you not get a refund on them?

Seems a lot of money to spend on a boyfriend, or are you well off? How long have you known each other?

Original poster
ToniTheDonkey · 28/12/2020 10:02

@Preparedtobetoldimwrong

Did you have a conversation beforehand about Christmas expectations? It seems you are coming from very different places. I can’t understand adults buying gifts for each other without asking what the other person would like. Have you been together long??
He collects something quite specific so the main part of his present was that. I just wanted to add some other presents to it.

We’ve been together a year and a half.

OP posts:
Didicat · 28/12/2020 10:02

Don’t worry about the refunds for the presents, refund him! Find someone who values you.

Positivevibesonlyplease · 28/12/2020 10:02

Please get rid of him. He didn’t even buy you a token gift! Get a refund for the gifts without hesitation and get rid of him!

FamilyOfAliens · 28/12/2020 10:02

Why are you focusing just on the presents he says he didn’t like?

Why are you not telling him the relationship isn’t working because he clearly doesn’t respect you?

Chasingsquirrels · 28/12/2020 10:03

OMG just saw that he didn't buy you a gift either!

SaltyAF · 28/12/2020 10:03

Yeah you need to get rid, OP. He doesn't respect you. Has this come as a big shock? (I mean that kindly, there are several inappropriate snarky posts here.)

Roussette · 28/12/2020 10:03

Just try and explain to me why you spent £300 on him. Just why?

I rarely spend that much on my DH of decades.

This is some bloke who doesn't treat you well but you shell out £300. Then you say you didn't ask him for Christmas but he just turned up and ate all your food? Why didn't you say... sorry I've got plans???

Sometimes MN baffles me

LizziesTwin · 28/12/2020 10:04

Time to split up with him.

If he isn’t making an effort after only 18 months he have worth dating. Can you start the new year without him - nice fresh start. And you won’t get saddled with cooking dinner on NYE.

DressingGownofDoom · 28/12/2020 10:05

What a stingy git. Definitely take the presents back.

EdwardCullensBiteOnTheSide · 28/12/2020 10:05

Can you take him back for a refund?

C0NNIE · 28/12/2020 10:06

If you’ve been together for 18 months, what happened last Christmas and on your birthday ?

Ferrylights · 28/12/2020 10:06

I think you are entitled to a refund on him....not fit for purpose . Get shot asap !

FamilyOfAliens · 28/12/2020 10:06

Actually I’m intrigued to know how the present unwrapping went.

Did he sit there with £300 worth of presents while you sat there with nothing watching him unwrap them? Did he acknowledge in any way that he had bought you nothing? Was he at all embarrassed?