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AIBU?

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Original poster

To get a refund for these presents

321 replies

ToniTheDonkey · 28/12/2020 09:23

My OH told me he was going to spend Xmas Day at my house and told me what he wanted to eat. I spent £170 on food including meat (for him - I’m veggie) and alcohol (I’m teetotal). He turned up at 1.30 on Christmas Day empty handed and has not yet offered any money towards the cost of the food.

After dinner he opened his presents - I’d spent about £300 on him. There were a couple of presents he said he didn’t like. He could have been polite and not said anything. Knowing my OH, when he packs his stuff to go home, he’ll leave behind the presents he didn’t like. WIBU to take those presents back for a refund and keep the money to offset the cost of the Xmas food?

OP posts:
LittleTiger007 · 28/12/2020 10:34

Take them back and do not let him back into your home or life. If he is only there to take, take, take and not give his time (he turned up too late to help with the food prep) or his money - even some small contribution, then he really has shown his true colours.
Relationships are about giving as much as receiving. This doesn’t have to mean tonnes of money if he doesn’t have it, but it should mean that he gives his time and love. Giving you nothing - not even a home made token of his love.... well there are no words.
Sadly his actions should be speaking loud and clear to you.

Original poster
ToniTheDonkey · 28/12/2020 10:34

@ToniTheDonkey

I’m going to find the supermarket receipts in a minute to see what I actually did spend £170 on.
My mistake, included in that shopping trip was some clothes and some soft drinks that were only for me, so the food & drink for Xmas was only £110.
OP posts:
AhNowTed · 28/12/2020 10:35

You're not listening OP.

VivaMiltonKeynes · 28/12/2020 10:35

You're taking the piss right ? No one is this stupid .

LaurieFairyCake · 28/12/2020 10:36

Why didn't he spend £410 on gifts for you AngryAngryAngry

DUMP HIM - but get money out of him first

WHY ARE YOU PAYING TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP?!?

WhereToMissToTheStars · 28/12/2020 10:36

I took presents back my DH would not like.
He is extremely difficult to buy presents- very fussy and has to be certain brands only.
Last year I bough him Lacoste perfume and years ago Fred Perry scarf.
He is usually into mod stuff, but was not keen on the scarf.
With the Lacoste - I hinted what it is and he turned up his nose saying it’s a rubbish perfume( it wasn’t- I cost £48) so I took it back even before Xmas.
And this year I bough him a set of mini luxurious whisky bottles.
I decided to return it a day later as he would just moan anyway.
So yeah, return.

Persipan · 28/12/2020 10:36

OP, are you generally uncomfortable having conversations about money with people in your life? Or about boundaries in general? Because you've said several times that he 'invited himself' but that doesn't mean it automatically follows that your have to a) go along with that and b) not set some boundaries around it.

I will agree with other players that he doesn't exactly sounds like the catch of the century, but even if he were, it's still really important to get comfortable with having conversations like 'cool, but you eat more than me and also the meat and alcohol will make the shopping bill a lot more than I'd usually spend, so let's figure out our budget and who's paying for what'. And, indeed, to have some sort of 'so, what's our budget for gifts for each other?' convo, as well. Especially if, as you've mentioned, you're prone to overspending.

Would I be right in guessing that those sorts of conversations sound rather out of reach? If it's that you're worried he wouldn't react well, then please know that's not a reflection on your needs or wants, but on him.

Chimeraforce · 28/12/2020 10:36

Women put up with shit like this often because they are either saddled with kids or unable to afford to live on their own.
You obviously don't have these shackles and are living independently of him.
Ditch him! You don't need him.
Yes, take the presents back.
If I could manage alone financially I would be single!

Anyoldname12 · 28/12/2020 10:36

I’d be looking to return the man before the presents tbh. Why is he even still in the house? You’re a mug OP, he’s taking you for a ride and you’re going along with it because as you said you have low self esteem. If you’re happy to settle for this then this will be your life and you need to suck it up, he won’t change and suddenly offer you money or give you a gift because ultimately he doesn’t care about you. He’s using you sorry.

Viviennemary · 28/12/2020 10:36

Ditch him.

Wiredforsound · 28/12/2020 10:36

So you spent over £400 on making sure he had a nice Christmas and he got you absolutely nothing in return? That’s awful. Bin him. He’s sounds appalling.

Tistheseason17 · 28/12/2020 10:37

I'd be asking him to leave,now. Make sure he can't take presents with him.

Plussizejumpsuit · 28/12/2020 10:37

I don't know why people are so bothered about £170 on food. We spent £350 for the 2 of us for food over the festive period from sainsburys not from somewhere like harrods!

AbbeyBelfast · 28/12/2020 10:38

What an utter waste of space this man is.

When he leaves I'd be telling him never to come back!

Chasingsquirrels · 28/12/2020 10:39

Read your later updates OP, you obviously have your own issues which you already know about that may have been part of you not seeing this man for what he is.
I hope that reading this thread helps you to recognise his faults and to believe that you are worth more than him.

Imknackeredzzz · 28/12/2020 10:39

Oh for gods sake, get some self respect woman. Jesus h Christ.
Stop being such a bloody doormat, I despair

AbbeyBelfast · 28/12/2020 10:39

@Plussizejumpsuit

I don't know why people are so bothered about £170 on food. We spent £350 for the 2 of us for food over the festive period from sainsburys not from somewhere like harrods!
That sort of fascinates me... I just cannot fathom how you could spend so much on two people! I couldn't even if I tried, unless I was bumping it up to £350 with several very expensive bottles of champagne. I don't know anyone who could eat that much Confused
CoraPirbright · 28/12/2020 10:39

So let’s have a quick recap/boil it down to the essentials:
He invited himself to Christmas Day - rude
He rocks up at 130 and is fed - lazy
He arrives empty handed and doesn’t offer to help out with £ - bad mannered
He opens carefully thought out, expensive gifts and has got you nothing - thoughtless
He isnt even embarrassed - (I’m not sure I can even come up with a word for that)

......and you are with this prince because....?

HintOfVintagePink · 28/12/2020 10:40

Refund the presents, end it with him and start the New Year knowing next Christmas will be 100% better.

Bloodypunkrockers · 28/12/2020 10:40

I can't believe he brought NOTHING with him

Not even a bottle of orange juice or a box of chocolates

What an arsehole

jelly79 · 28/12/2020 10:40

My head has exploded! You cater for a man who swans in and complains about the gifts you buy him and doesn't contribute at all! I cannot believe he sat there and gave you nothing.

And you let him!

Come on OP you know you deserve more than this right???

Blacktothepink · 28/12/2020 10:41

Take all the presents back and tell him to fuck off!

OhBollocksToIt · 28/12/2020 10:41

And you put up with this shit? Is somehow being single worse than being treated for a mug?

What does he bring to this relationship?

saraclara · 28/12/2020 10:43

Don't wait to see if he leaves the presents behind. Hide them away now so that you definitely have them to return and get your money back.

I wouldn't put it past him to take them with him and return them himself.

madcatladyforever · 28/12/2020 10:43

Why are you with this sponging cretin?