Friend not ready to send almost 3 year old to nursery?

[windolean]

I just wondered what the general feeling is towards nursery. I was talking to a friend recently. She mentioned she was not ready to send her DS to nursery. She will be 3 in May. She then said ' some children never go to nursery, it's not necessary '. She's a stay at home mum. I am no where near this stage with my DD. I haven't really thought about it, but I thought I would send her from around 2. What do people generally do ? I thought most people send their kids to nursery ? Is it meant to be good for them ? Or are there benefits to not going ? My questions are all genuine and without judgement. I'm really just curious and want to understand the pros and cons. I just always assumed nursery is ' what you do '.

Neither of mine went to nursery they are both ok I think 🤣

Some people think that "nursery" means their child is in daycare all day every day. That doesn't have to be the case. There are so many choices available, from full-time to a couple of sessions a week, it just depends on what the parent wants and what's best for the child. Some children flourish in preschool doing school hours, others get along better doing a couple of days or a few sessions.

Preschools take from 2, usually, and generally are one room so that the younger children meet with older children and learn social interaction that way. These rooms have appropriate staff ratios and are very aware in my experience of the younger children.

Nurseries often have a room of 2 year olds, who then move up once they're 3 into the preschool room, who are 3 and 4 (because there's a different staff ratio for 2 year olds and for 3 and 4 year olds.

It's great for the child to have time interacting with their peers outside of their home and without their parent, because of course they'll have to handle that when they go to school. It is entirely up to you. You need to do the research, work out what you can afford and what you're willing to have your child attend while they're so little, and what kind of setting you want them to attend.

There are pros and cons to nursery, and there are different types of nursery, e.g. school nurseries, private nursery schools, private daycare nurseries.

My DS will be going to a day nursery from when he's about 9 months, when my mat leave ends, but I wouldn't pay that much from that young if I was a SAHM.

In the area where I grew up there are nurseries attached to the primary schools, and I think most children in that area go from age 2.5 or 3, either for half day or school day sessions. Talking to friends who still live there, it does seem to just be the 'done thing' there.

Where I live now, schools don't have nurseries and there's less expectation to use nurseries especially if you're a SAHM or have grandparents to do childcare. There are preschools here for 3-4 year olds, which are often just for a couple of hours in the morning, and lots of toddler group type things.

While I think nursery for at least a year before reception is a good idea, I would not choose to send my child to nursery during a pandemic. We were very lucky to be in a position where nursery was a choice, not a necessity. For me, given that I had a choice, the cons would massively outweigh the pros at the moment.

Why do you care? None of my 4 went to nursery and I did get some negative comments but I’m not really sure why others care so much about other people’s children going to nursery, it’s not compulsory and I’m a stay at home mum as well. I was going to send my youngest purely as I’m a lone parent and school is the only break I get but I decided against it because of corona and it meant I wouldn’t even meet my child’s teacher or settle her in, there was no way I was going to hand my daughter in at reception to people I’ve never met, in no other circumstances would we hand over our children to someone we haven’t even met and I wasn’t comfortable with that and neither would she have been so I decided to keep her at home. If I had the choice (which I do) I wouldn’t send my child to nursery at the moment.

I sent my 2 for one day (9-3) a week the year before they started primary school.

I’m a SAHM and here (not UK) it’s quite difficult to get a place, so I didn’t feel it was fair if I was taking up places when there were working parents who were struggling to find care.

Totally up to each family, what they feel ready for, what they can afford etc.

I have 3. None went to nursery or pre school. I’m a SAHM, never saw the need when I’m at home They start Full time school at 4/5 anyway in this country, years earlier than other countries. Working parents obviously Don’t have much choice.

All my kids went FT nursery from 6mth old. They liked nursery and it suited me

@Givemeabreak88 I care because I'm asking for advice and experience for my own child. I'm researching something I hadn't really considered properly yet until my friend said that to me. My post is totally non judgmental like I pointed out. I'm not sure why your post seems so aggressive when mine was quite genuine. I wasn't criticising anyone, I'm just curious as I'm not sure what I'm doing yet.

Mine has to because I had to work. I spent every day wishing I didn’t have to, and feeling really sorry for them. That is until my eldest went to school and I really appreciated the benefits in preparing them for the school environment.

The last year of nursery was run almost the same as reception and so there was so little transition in that sense. I think there is a huge benefit to their social development that you just can’t do at home (even if you’ve got 15 kids, they also learn from dealing with non-siblings). I think it’s great for them to learn from and establish relationships with other adults too. We were so lucky to have an amazing nursery, which also did some activities I would never have had the resources to do at home.

It’s given me a fresh perspective on nursery, and if I had my time over and was in a position where I didn’t have to work, mine would definitely still go, just not so young and not for so many hours.

I don't know why anyone would send their child to nursery before they were 3 if they didn't have to because of work. I find that a strange concept. I didn't even want to send mine at 3, didn't feel they were ready and they both hated it especially my second. Did consider pulling him out but thought that would be worse for him in the long run when it was time for school.

I guess it depends what you mean by nursery. To me nursery means a place you pay for and the child goes for or half a day.

As opposed to pre-school, where kids just go for a few hours in the morning or afternoon and it is paid for by the state.

If I were a stay at home mum I am not sure I'd be bothered paying for nursery. But I did pay because I worked part-time.

Well you could have just asked her? Imo children go to school from such a early age anyway (4) so why send them any sooner if you don’t need to? I enjoyed having mine at home (not saying that anyone who sends theirs doesn’t just pointing out my reasons!)

My first DD went at 3 and hated it. In retrospect I should have pulled her out. My second DD went at 3 too and she was VERY ready for it. She was and is a very sociable child.

You have to use your instinct.

Mine didn't go until they got their early years funding, which was 2.5 hours per day when they were small. I was a SAHM so paying for them to go before then would have been pointless imo.

I think you can tell if your child is ready for new adventures and interactions. Or if they just need more of you right now and all the delights of sibling adventures, mother and toddler groups on tap and cosy times at home. You can just tell.

No, there is no reason kids have to go to nursery. The main benefit is, and always has been, for childcare.

There is no particularly strong evidence that there is any kind of ongoing benefit, academically or socially, to going, unless the child's home-life is very poor.

It can be nice for children who don't have many other kids to interact with to have some time to spend with other children. And it can be nice for mums to have a break, so those can both be reasons to send a child part time, a few mornings or afternoons a week maybe. Not necessary to a formal arrangement though, in home care with a few other children can be better in many cases IMO, if you manage to find someone good. Many nruseries tend to have classes that are too large for little ones, even if the ratio of caregivers is fine.

But if there are other children around, siblings, or playgroups, or whatever, there really isn't any need. And FT care in a nursery can be overwhelming for plenty of kids and not necessarily positive at all.

My dd went from 11 months to give me a break once a week as my health wasn’t good. She is an only child. I became very very ill when she was 3 and couldn’t look after her. She definitely needed it and is a sociable, confident child. She told me when she was older she didn’t enjoy it. That’s not what the staff told me. It is more she was very attached to me and struggled being left, which continued into reception and year 1.

My thoughts are children benefit going to nursery. It can be as little as once a week for the day or for a couple of morning / afternoons. The only caveat to this is that once a week can be such a large gap that the child struggles to settle. It was fine once a week with dd when she was a baby. I then upped it to a day and a half when she was a toddler. She didn’t settle doing the half day so I upped it to 2 full days. At 3 I then increased to 3 days as my health deteriorated.

My Son started school when he was 5 years old, and no nursery at all. He could read and write well by that time, as I taught him myself. I lived in a village, and all the other boys and girls were all the same, going to school at 5 years old.

We contemplated sending DC to nursery when the early years funding came in (I think it was 3yo then) but none of the childcare providers in our area really "did it" for us.

Since I was working part time, we made the choice to juggle work so that we'd keep them at home with one of us. It worked well and we have no regrets whatsoever.

I had to send mine to nursery but I was lucky and found a good montessori school and was able to pick her up every day at about 3 pm.

If you can find a good one, the child can benefit from the company of other children. However some mothers are particularly good with their children and don't really need to pay other people to give their children the stimulation their young minds need.

I sent mine for a couple of short sessions a week, she loved it. A few of the children she went to nursery with started school at the same time.

For context I never went to nursery but did go to playgroups a few times a week until I started school aged almost 5. I have an almost 3 year old DS who went to nursery from 1-2 years old for 3 days a week so I could return to work part-time. I found the process of leaving him there very upsetting at first as I couldn’t see any benefit for him, meanwhile I benefitted from some adult interaction, doing a job I’m trained for and good at and earning some money after mat leave. The mum guilt was strong. As he neared 2 he was really settled but unfortunately due to covid we had to take him out of nursery as he needed to be shielded. Any cold lands him in hospital with asthma like symptoms so we didn’t want to take risks with covid. I was wfh by that point so juggled childcare and work with my DH, then took early mat leave as I was pregnant with my second. I’m now on mat leave with him and new baby and although hard going at times I have loved this extra time with him. We are hopeful he can start pre-school when vaccines have really rolled out but he will only be going a few mornings a week as I just can’t part with him for longer. I am unsure about returning to work and there is the possibility of me continuing as a SAHM past the end of mat leave. We’re also considering family looking after both kids in the future if I do return to work (part-time until both are school age) when we move closer to them. It’s a personal thing. I must admit I do feel sorry for little ones at nursery from 7-6 Mon-Fri but it’s not fair to judge as I don’t know what circumstances their parents are under and I’m not their parent so it’s not up to me. Being a SAHM until school would be my preference.

Normally yes. In these covid times I'm not sure I would.

Interested in those people saying they wouldn’t send their child in a pandemic. I’m actually considering sending my son to nursery when we don’t need to (I’m on mat leave) precisely because it’s a pandemic - he’s 2.5 and hasn’t socialised with other children since March. I think he’s teaching the age where he’d really benefit from that.

OP to answer your question, IMO nursery can be daycare or education (or both). If you don’t need it for childcare reasons then there’s no need for educational purposes until they’re 2.5-3, which is when they start playing with other children (as opposed to alongside them). The government funds preschool nursery places from the term after a child’s 3rd birthday. I think this is useful preparation for school and it’s free so will definitely be using this for my children, but will only do half days.