Friend not ready to send almost 3 year old to nursery?

[windolean]

I just wondered what the general feeling is towards nursery. I was talking to a friend recently. She mentioned she was not ready to send her DS to nursery. She will be 3 in May. She then said ' some children never go to nursery, it's not necessary '. She's a stay at home mum. I am no where near this stage with my DD. I haven't really thought about it, but I thought I would send her from around 2. What do people generally do ? I thought most people send their kids to nursery ? Is it meant to be good for them ? Or are there benefits to not going ? My questions are all genuine and without judgement. I'm really just curious and want to understand the pros and cons. I just always assumed nursery is ' what you do '.

It depends on the child. My DS went to nursery for 2 terms before full time school. He's a mid-August birthday and I felt he was too young for state nursery (all there was then) before that age. I was also a teacher/ SAHM at the time, so didn't feel he was educationally deprived. He went to a Russell Group uni and has an MSc. DD was more mature in some ways and old for her school year so she went when she was slightly younger, but not before 4.

I think it’s useful for kids to experience nursery - but it doesn’t have to be at 3. Also, I would recommend picking a nursery which prepared them for the routine of school. The parents who had their kids in home-away-from-home nurseries or their child didn’t go to nursery really struggled in the first year as their children had to start from scratch. I only realised this was an issue when one of the mums with one of these kids pointed this out to me. Her son had never done basic things like lined up quietly behind other children before - the mum said it affected him socially as he was always getting told off by the teachers or pushing in in front of other kids and some of the other kids avoided him because he became branded as a naughty kid.

My 3 year old goes to a preschool nursery, attached to the school she will go to. A pp said you just know when they are ready, and I agree with this.

She is a kid who really likes to be busy and I was starting to struggle with keeping her entertained at home (thanks covid). It has been great for her.

Her younger sister is quieter and seems happy at home so maybe I'll make a different decision when she turns 3.

My older children never went. They weren't ready, would have hated it and there was no need as I was at home. They're quite happy and confident now at 8 and 10.

My 3 yr old has been going since he was nearly 2, and now does about 25 hrs per week while I work. He absolutely adores it. Totally loves it. Children are all different, there's absolutely no need to go per se.

In general I would say that a good nursery is a good idea when your child is say, 2 or 3, simply because unless you plan on homeschooling your child, it can help them to get used to being away from you when they go to school. Part time is totally fine. Rightly or wrongly I would probably think someone was quite overbearing if they didn’t let their child go to nursery at all because they didn’t want to be away from them, simply because I think it can be really beneficial for child development.
That said, I worked in reception for 3.5 years and it’s definitely not a hard and fast rule that children who went to nursery are more well adjusted to school life. I definitely had some who had been to nursery who still came in kicking and screaming in the mornings, but generally I think it helps to give your child some experience of a childcare setting before they’re in it full time at school.

Mine never went because there was no such thing where we live 20 years ago.Even now it is difficult to get a place so many mums still do not send their children .I was as SAHM.We met up with other kids through my friends , playground and baby groups.They went to Kindergarten at 3 years .My kids are sociable and well adjusted.

My first child went to a childminder from the age of 9 months. When he was 3 I put him in a pre-school as I thought it was something all children should probably do before they started school - I personally didn’t think this but it felt like society did and so I went along with it.

His behaviour deteriorated massively in the nursery and I withdrew him after four months and put him back with the childminder and he stayed there until he went to school.

My second son went to a childminder from 11 months of age and I will not be trialing nursery/pre-school with him, he will stay with the childminder until he goes to school.

Both mine went to a private nursery from 11 months as I needed to return to work, for four days a week. They have thrived and it's been excellent for their development and social skills. I do think that it's better for them to have some nursery experience before they go to school, less of a shock.

For those saying they wouldn't send them in a pandemic...some of us don't have a choice in that and also, with baby and toddler groups mostly closed, and playdate options limited, it's the only social interaction they will get! It's better for them to be at nursery than to be at home with me, I believe so anyway. They do get plenty of time with us too.

Adding to my point about a parent being overbearing - I think if your decision about your child is mainly driven by your own needs/anxieties rather than what is potentially going to be best for your individual child then i do think that’s an issue but that is not necessarily what’s happening with your friend.

I’d only use childcare to work. I’d not use it if home so i agree with her.

Not to mention the current virus risks of mixing with no SD. Absolutely no way I would now unless absolutely unavoidable.

Mine loves it, and especially at the moment. Its three times a week he gets a chance to see other kids rather than be stuck at home with heavily pregnant mum with SPD who can't even walk to park and soon, a newborn.

I think most women need to leave the house to earn money to pay the bills and this automatically involves childcare. And most Sahms I know are desperate for some time without the DC.

the DD is 3. She will start at 4. What difference do you think this one year makes esp if mum is engaging a lot with the child. I don't see the issue. I just couldn't have done if. I worked but even without a job, I would have jumped on the opportunity to shift the little darlings for a short while.

The situation is different during a pandemic. My child was on the waiting list for nursery from birth, but when the time came I chose not to send him because of the danger of Covid. Nearly a year has passed and I’m still not sending him. Unfortunately he might miss the opportunity for nursery by the time Covid is gone.

Mine went from age 1 or so as I was working. No 1 son kept going to nursery throughout my mat leave to give me a break!!! I don’t think they “need” to go that young but from age 2-3 it is definitely beneficial socially. Doesn’t have to be a 9-6 nursery but there are lots of preschools and playgrounds around (the type where you leave them for the morning) which can work out as very cheap or free. I think mine would have found school hard going without having been somewhere before. I don’t know any kids at school who didn’t go to some kind of nursery or preschool - although in some cases it might have been very part time

In a pandemic I’d think twice but I think it’s pretty much proven that young kids don’t get very ill. And surely even more important to be able to socialise given that “normal” ways of socialising are so much more difficult right now.

Mine only went to school nursery, one was just turned 3, the other was nearly 4 when they started in the year before reception. I didn't need the other type of nursery, I don't consider it schooling or to be socially beneficial at that age, it's just for childcare purposes.

Two aspects to this, education and daycare. I never had any paid daycare for my children as I was a SAHM when they were little (long ago). We are, however, fortunate to have a brilliant nursery school near us, run by our LEA, so providing free education from the age of 3. Both our children started there at 3, doing 5 mornings a week (others did 5 afternoons a week). In the last term they did a full school day. Transition to reception was a lot easier as a result, and it gave me a break (much welcomed), but that wasn't the main benefit.

The school was staffed by Early Years trained specialists - teachers and nursery nurses, with some additional help from lunchtime supervisors who were older women whose own children had attended the school in earlier years. The education provided there was second to none. The school was well equipped and extremely well run. Everything they did was geared to the stage of child development of 3 and 4 year olds.

They read to the children, made books with them and helped them develop hand-eye co-ordination by drawing, painting, sewing, weaving, cooking, using woodworking tools etc, all heavily supervised. All excellent preparation for learning to read and write later, far better than drilling children in phonics before they're ready for that kind of thing. The children had a free choice which activities to do but the staff were watching very carefully and any child who consistently ignored some activities would eventually be sensitively encouraged to have a go.

The best example I remember of that was in my son's final term there, which was the summer term. The school had bought some tanks and butterfly eggs and for weeks the staff were showing the children what was happening to the eggs as they hatched, turned into caterpillars etc. Eventually they metamorphosed into butterflies. They were kept in the tank for a few hours before being released. The staff were inviting each child to spend a few minutes by the tank drawing the butterflies before they were set free. It took some persuasion, but finally they persuaded my son to have a go. I still have the drawings he produced somewhere. They were beautiful. No coercion involved. I watched the staff with the children many times and marvelled at their patience and skill.

My children had a chance to try out activities there that we couldn't have provided at home. They made friends with children from a wide range of backgrounds. They spent hours every day out in the fresh air running around, which they wouldn't necessarily have done otherwise, as I had things to do at home. They were safe and being expertly looked after and taught, and it was free! I can't imagine why anybody would down the opportunity for their child to attend a place like this. (Sadly, I know not all Early Years settings are as good as this one. It would make a difference to our society if they were.)

Most people do what’s right for them. There is no right or wrong way to do something.

If you want to send your dc to nursery, do it, if not, don’t.

There are advantages and disadvantages to all options, something that I might see as a positive, someone else could see as a negative. You choose what’s right for you.

Completely depends, there isn't a right or wrong answer, just what is right for you and your child. DS went to childcare (childminder not nursery) from 12 months as I went back to work, but if I had been home then I wouldn't have sent him. That said, many people even if they are a SAHM choose to send them in for some sessions once they are a bit older, partly to get a break and partly as it can be good for them (by saying that, I'm not saying not going is bad), but some choose not to; either is fine!

I agree with @year5teacher. If we had no pandemic to contend with it should be entirely about the child not what the parent wants. If the child has other children to play and socialise with at home and isn't ready then they should be at home for longer.

In our case DD was and is an only child and was more than ready to have other children her own age to be with (and so was I for her to do so ).

Under current circumstances I probably would hesitate to send my child to any kind of childcare setting until more people are able to receive the vaccine.

I work FT so both my DC started nursery at 6 months. It all worked out well and both found the transition to school very easy. We still have a lovely relationship even though I work. It’s different for different families.

Mine all went and loved it, its a very personal decision however you could just try one day a week if you are nervous but curious.

In my view tbe advantages are children mix together and learn to share everything not just things they are willing to, mine I think benefitted educationally but I'm not particularly good at teaching toddlers phonics etc I just do not have the patience if you are then you can cover the educational side, it also meant I didn't ever have toys like playdoh in the house they had plenty of time to interact with that in nursery. I think I also benefitted from having a break from the girls to have the time to do something aa mundane as have a massage r meet friends without feeling guilty. And the biggest benefit I think for mine was the amount of childhood illnesses they picked up has meant they sailed through school without days off for colds and chicken pots etc.

I think most sahm I know send their kid to a preschool instead of nursery attached to the school they will start. I haven’t met any mums that keep their child at home till school age or maybe I just haven’t realised.

I don’t think there is anything wrong with any option, you will know what’s best for your child. My LO loves nursery and is very social, I don’t think they would cope with just me all the time haha

We sent our DD from 10 months as my husband and I were back at work by month 11. She was only there for a couple of months due to coronavirus - I didn’t want the increased risk to my parents who also cared for her and my husband and I had decided that he would be a SAHD. I still wouldn’t be comfortable because of covid to get honest. Truthfully, I’m happier that she’s not there yet, she was fine but I personally felt it was too young, I know others who have felt fine about it. She is 2 in February and still doesn’t go but we will likely send her from September 2021 or January 2022.

I didn’t go to nursery. My mum tried me at 3 but I hated it and she was at home and had lots of friends with young children. I was the youngest of 3 so she didn’t make me. I’m ok.... I think and settled at school fine. My own DC went to nursery at 3 a couple of mornings a week, building to every morning in the summer term before school in September. They’re 17 and 20 now and at uni and 6 th form.

In normal circumstances, I would send my 3 yr old to preschool (for the funded hours) for his social development. However, with the pandemic I haven't sent him and won't anytime soon. It seems an unnecessary risk when I'm a SAHM anyway and can educate him myself using the EYFS framework. I think some children need it more than others but it is a personal choice. Preschool isn't like reception so it can only prepare them to an extent. There seems to be a lot of pressure to get children into school as early as possible but to be honest by the time the child in in year 2, development wise we see no difference in which children went to nursery and which children didn't (I'm a teacher).