Friend not ready to send almost 3 year old to nursery?

[windolean]

I just wondered what the general feeling is towards nursery. I was talking to a friend recently. She mentioned she was not ready to send her DS to nursery. She will be 3 in May. She then said ' some children never go to nursery, it's not necessary '. She's a stay at home mum. I am no where near this stage with my DD. I haven't really thought about it, but I thought I would send her from around 2. What do people generally do ? I thought most people send their kids to nursery ? Is it meant to be good for them ? Or are there benefits to not going ? My questions are all genuine and without judgement. I'm really just curious and want to understand the pros and cons. I just always assumed nursery is ' what you do '.

Ours went to preschool from 2, starting with a couple of mornings per week which we paid for. Once they got funding they did the full 15 hours per week. For us, the input was valuable (both had SALT referrals done without having a fight / being told to wait etc) and they both adored going to 'little school'.

My daughter goes to nursery one day (7.30-5) per week when I work and has done since 18m. She wasn’t quite ready and took a long time to settle but 4 months in and she really loves her teachers and looks forward to it.

I have taught reception for many years and in my area the vast vast majority of children attend nursery/pre school at least part time from aged 3 , or the year before reception. This is when the free hours kick in. From a teachers perspective the children who attend preschool tend to settle at school quicker and easier, be more used to the routines and less tears overall. But it doesn’t mean there weren’t tears in the first place! They just tend to take school in their stride a bit more ime.

I tried to put mine in at 6 months so I could go back to work, but I just couldn’t do it so had to re-think that. He joined for a few hours a day at 2years old, by which point I needed the break. We only managed 8 weeks then Covid shut it all down. He’s been back since September and it’s been amazing. He is a social kid, desperate for the interaction and with no kids groups or activities on (and I don’t have friends with children) nursery is the best place for his development at the moment.

How beneficial it is depends on home life. For the most financially disadvantaged families it helps to put kids in nursery from 2 - that’s why these families qualify for free childcare at that age even when mum (or dad or both) stays at home.

@ChestnutStuffing

No, there is no reason kids have to go to nursery. The main benefit is, and always has been, for childcare.

There is no particularly strong evidence that there is any kind of ongoing benefit, academically or socially, to going, unless the child's home-life is very poor.

It can be nice for children who don't have many other kids to interact with to have some time to spend with other children. And it can be nice for mums to have a break, so those can both be reasons to send a child part time, a few mornings or afternoons a week maybe. Not necessary to a formal arrangement though, in home care with a few other children can be better in many cases IMO, if you manage to find someone good. Many nruseries tend to have classes that are too large for little ones, even if the ratio of caregivers is fine.

But if there are other children around, siblings, or playgroups, or whatever, there really isn't any need. And FT care in a nursery can be overwhelming for plenty of kids and not necessarily positive at all.

I actually really needed to read this. Thank you.

My younger DS is nearly 3 and has been with a childminder since he was 1 when I went back to work. He is so happy and settled with her I’m thinking of leaving him with her until Reception but I can’t decide and this really helped.

I’m not in the UK, so no, mine never went to nursery.

They did go to Kindy, which is essentially free - 5 hours two days a week at 3YO, and then 5 hours, three days a week at 4YO.

The research shows that children benefit from some sort of early childhood education before starting school - it helps them get ready to learn, to socialise, to gain independence, etc. But the options for that are pretty wide.

DS went to pre-school age 3. I was a SAHM at the time but we wanted him to have the socialising as he’s an only child. It was also the school we hoped he’d go to, so we thought it would be good for him to have the continuity.

A school nursery class for half a day might suit her if she doesn't need daycare. The child would benefit from socialising with the children and doing group activities. If the class is attached to the school he/she will attend it will be easier for both child and parent when she starts.

It's such a totally individual decision for each family, I didn't have to send my DS to nursery (pre school environment) as I was a SAHM but he was a very sociable, only child and he loved it - he went from age 2, three mornings a week and then two full (9-3) days from 3. He really enjoyed it, always keen to go every morning, the opportunities and experiences he gained were fantastic, I think it was good that he mixed with other DC and adults. Just being at home with me would have been very dull, obviously we would go out and about but it's not nearly as exciting as being in a child focussed, structured environment with other DC and adults who are very involved in enriching the children's lives.

But a different child might have found the whole experience over whelming and we were very lucky in that we lived fairly rurally and the nursery was on a farm with its own swimming pool, woodland walks, animals and loads of outside space etc etc.

No one I went to school with went to nursery. We went to play school a few afternoons a week but nothing like the structured, practically school, experience they get today.

Depends what you mean by nursery. Mine went to nursery - but it seems to be what many on here call pre-school. Pre- school isn’t a term I know. Nurseries are free, and the child goes for either the morning or afternoon five days a week, and follow school terms. Many nurseries are attached to primary schools. Private nurseries are different and are designed for childcare and you pay for those. Most people I know, even SAHPs, sent their child to the free nursery sessions.

Ours started a couple of sessions aged three, building up to a couple of short days before starting school. I chose a very small nursery where the staff were well established and it was a wonderful experience for them, they still reminisce today, many years later.
I absolutely hated letting them go but they enjoyed themselves and it definitely helped with the transition to school. I’d definitely recommend looking at lots of different settings.

Nursery isn't necessary unless for childcare purposes.

Whether it is beneficial is dependent on the child and the alternative provision.

I’d say it varies from child to child as well as being a matter of preference. With my first I was exhausted as he is very intense, and two afternoons a week at preschool aged 2 and a half was good for us both!

With my second child (just turned three) I’m still not ready! Though she’s going to start a few mornings as it’ll be good for her and she’ll love it. We usually have loads of groups, friends, time to play ... so haven’t felt she’s needed it until now, when Covid has shut most things.

If she is a a SAHM who does things with her kids, provides age appropriate stuff for them, takes them out to socialise etc then that is way better than a nursery unless they actively want to go. Nurserys are for parents not for children.

I didn't intend on sending my daughter but when she was 3.5 (in September) she started asking to go.
She attends for 3 afternoons a week for a total of nine hours.
My son is the same age as the girl in your OP and I won't be sending him until he drops his afternoon nap and asks to go as his sister did.

Nursery is good for social development but that's not to say that stay at home children suffer if they don't go.

I think preschool is very important, as they learn how to function in that environment before school and they go up to reception with their friends

I'd say most don't have a choice due to work so their kids are probably at nursery from 12months! At least in my circles anyway!

I'm pleased we sent DS from a young age. He is youngest in his school year but you'd never know as he's so used to being in a setting.

I’ve sent mine from 18 months for child care- was lucky to have longer than usual Mat leave. With DC2 now being 2 1/2 my hours means technically I could juggle stuff and them not need nursery but I still send them for a break and because I think the socialisation is very important from 2 1/2-3 ish onwards. I actually agree with a pp that I’m even more thankful they were established and settled in nursery before covid hit as all our usual toddler groups/activities have been off for 9 months so without nursery they wouldn’t have played properly with another toddler their age for far too long. We’ve got one friend who is now reception age and her DC started pre school for 2 mornings when they were 4. Got 1/2 a term in before covid hit- it is very obvious in a group that they struggle socially compared to those that went from younger.

My DC have been sent at 10 months because I work and they've both thrived. There is no way I could provide what nursery provide in terms of activities and social experiences. It's helped.my eldest transition to school very smoothly. I'm so upset my youngest is currently out due to Xmas and covid.

Ours went but it was for there development and mixing with other kids .

I think if they have some experience of nursery or pre-school, even if it's only a few days a week, it helps prepare them for school and is less of a shock to them when that time comes. I very clearly my DS saying to me in reception after he'd done a few months that he didn't want to do school anymore. He'd done that and could he do something else instead 😂.

I don't really think it's as black and white as being 'ready' to send your child to nursery or not. There are lots of grey areas and people can feel conflicted.

From a quick chat with me you could easily assume I'm a bit like your friend and not keen on sending my child to nursery. I'll miss him SO much and it feels so nerve-racking to me! I'll worry about him so much.

However I will be sending him in September (when he's 3). I used to work in early years education so definitely believe it'll do him good.

Also as many op have said different things work did different children / parents and many parents don't have the choice in the first place.

When I had mine (a number of years ago) I read a survey that showed significant benefits of a child being in the home environment for the first 2 years and then a switch to show a benefit to nursery, at least on a part time basis, after the age of 2.

In your position I’d do some research, maybe see if your health visitor has some more up to date resources.