Friend not ready to send almost 3 year old to nursery?

[windolean]

I just wondered what the general feeling is towards nursery. I was talking to a friend recently. She mentioned she was not ready to send her DS to nursery. She will be 3 in May. She then said ' some children never go to nursery, it's not necessary '. She's a stay at home mum. I am no where near this stage with my DD. I haven't really thought about it, but I thought I would send her from around 2. What do people generally do ? I thought most people send their kids to nursery ? Is it meant to be good for them ? Or are there benefits to not going ? My questions are all genuine and without judgement. I'm really just curious and want to understand the pros and cons. I just always assumed nursery is ' what you do '.

If you mean nursery as in childcare, I don't think it's the norm at all for children to go there, there aren't even any around where I live.

If you mean preschool for before they start school then most children I know went there. With hindsight, I'm not sure that my eldest should have gone. She cried every day at drop off for two years, not wanting to go in, although seemed to enjoy it once she was there. But I persisted because people told me how important it was. I look back and wish I hadn't put her through it because she clearly found it upsetting. She never once cried going to school though.

With the older ones, they went as it was necessary for work. With the younger ones, we lived somewhere different and work arrangements were different, so they didn't go. Everyone is fine!

Dd goes to nursery full time and has done since 6 months old, but I went back to work full time so it was needed. She’s 16 months now and loves it and is a confident well rounded toddler.

My first we juggled childcare between us as he was my PFB 🤣🤣 and I didn’t want him to spend all his time at nursery. He went full time at 2.5 years and loved it. 6/7 of his friends went to his school. They are a strong friendship group now still in year 1.
You could see in reception those children who hadn’t gone to anytype of child care setting without mum or dad as they needed to be prised away from their parents crying their eyes out. Even now in year 1 there are still the same kids that cry every day!

Mine went to nursery (few hours a day of playing) when he was 5 and started school just short of 6 years old.

He didn’t go earlier as was happy at home, wasn’t a fan of Other People (who is? 😆), and we were off out on day trips a lot and nursery would have cut into that. He asked to try it when he was 5 so off he went. And discovered Other People were fun!

It really all just depends on home life and the personality of your DC.

My 3 all went to Pre-school from 2 or 2.5. The elder two loved it. They then went to the school nursery class the September after they were 3. So ds1 was almost 4 and dd was 3.5. Also loved that.

Ds2 was not as keen on any of it. We moved when he was 3 and he started a new pre-school and attended there until he went to school. He still doesn't like school at almost 7 and protests. He just wants to be at home with me. Except I'm not at home, I'm at work!

If I didnt have to go to work I dont think I would have sent my kid to nursery. Dont get me wrong, she loves it, they are beyond amazing with her, and I am always happy with them, but I just wouldnt have felt like she needed it if I wasnt in work. Also, it's very expensive! My DD does 2 mornings a week now as I am on mat leave and I need to keep her space and its costing me £230 a month! I never went to nursery or childcare and my first day at school was video recorded. All the kids around me were crying, and I sat down, said 'byeeee' to my mum who asked if i was ok, to which i rolled my eyes and said 'of course. You can go now'. It never effected my ability to socialise or be independent.

My 18 month old has a 6 hour session once a week. I have health problems so I need that time to rest, otherwise I probably wouldn't bother with it yet.

I don't think there is a definitive answer on what is best - children need a stimulating and nurturing environment, and both home and nursery could provide that, or not. Depends on the home and depends on the nursery.

DS started at preschool when he was 2 four half days a week. I was desperate for a break, then a term later Covid came along and stopped it. He does 3 full days now (9-3) now. I work from home for myself so there’s no point in sending him long hours full time. He does really enjoy preschool

Nursery was amazing for my eldest, she thrived and loved going. It was a disaster for my youngest. He cried every morning, wouldn't speak with the teacher who was adamant he had special educational needs which resulted in trips to speech therapy etc to have him assessed. No extra needs, just a summer born who wasn't ready.

I used a childminder until my DD was 2.5 then she started at nursery. She’s now 3 and is due to go to school next September; since she started back after covid ive seen a massive difference in her development; she’s started counting, taking the first steps towards writing and has some lovely friendships. Nursery provides activities that I could never hope to provide (lack of resources, space, imagination) so for me it’s definitely worth it and I think it’s important to be school ready. My DD loves it and is excited for nursery days.

Personally, I think children benefit from going to some kind of pre school environment where you don't stay with them. I never used a nursery for childcare, but I took them to mum & toddler groups from a young age where they learned to play with other children away from me and build some independence, followed by pre school at 3 (which wasn't compulsory by law but literally everyone I know sent them, and I felt that it would be really hard for them to suddenly be sent to school at 5 when all the others had been together and used to going from age 3)

As someone who works in a reception class, it can be very obvious which children did not go to nursery. Often the children with less vocabulary and poorer socialisation skills are the ones who never went to nursery. I also think it's kind of cruel to keep them at home and then suddenly they start school and are away from their parents full time. Would be a much easier transition for them if they are used to being on their own in a different environment a couple of days per week.

She’s right, it isn’t ‘necessary’ especially as she’s home anyway. But yes, I think it’s wonderful for them. Mine would have been restless and bored out of their minds just being at home with me. Also would have missed out on some lovely friendships. My 8 year old still has good friends she met in nursery when she was 9 months and it’s sweet to see them all get back together from time to time. And it was a real benefit when she started school. The kids who had just been at home seemed exhausted and overwhelmed by 6 hours somewhere, whereas the school day was almost too short for her. She went full days at nursery 3-5 days a week from 9 months, and my youngest has gone 4 full days.

When I used to teach KS1, it was really noticeable when we got a child who hadn’t been to nursery or pre school. Their social skills and independence tended to be less well developed.

However, I now teach KS2 and it does even out by then unless there are underlying issues.

It's not necessary, nor is it the way things are done in other places.

Many people do child plus caregiver groups and different activities (swimming, ice skating, art, gymnastics, ballet, reading time at the library, kindermusik, Suzuki violin lessons, etc) and send their children off at 4 to school with no issues for the children. In places where the school starting age is higher, children can spend until age 5 or older doing such activities if parents are able to facilitate that.

My DCs in the US went to 'preschool' for two hours, four days per week at age 4. Then they went to half-day kindergarten five days a week at 5, and only spent the full day (8-3) in school from 1st grade on (age 6).

I also think it’s a good idea to send your child. Even if just for three hours a week, it helps them be away from you and socialise with other children independently without your oversight and to be with others, ahead of school. It doesn’t mean the child has to go full time but I do believe it’s beneficial to the child.

However you say it’s your friend that’s not ready, not her child, so it would appear the mother is doing what is right for her and not necessarily what is right for the child. Is it necessary, god no, of course not, is it beneficial for the child, yes, in many instances it is.

A child who has never been away from the mother can sometimes struggle with suddenly adapting to school every day. Not all, but some.

When mine were younger children didn't go to nursery until they were 4. Mine went to a local community run playgroup for a few sessions a week but that was it. They didn't suffer at all. If your friend enjoys doing things with her DC she can choose to not send them to nursery until they are older. I would recommend a preschool year at nursery though to get them ready for school.

It depends on the child and the quality of the nursery available. Nursery has been fantastic for my 3 yo son. Especially in a pandemic where there are very limited activities available for little ones. He gets to do lots of different activities and socialise independently with other children. He learns to be part of a group, to share and to consider others' feelings. It has really mitigated the effects of the pandemic for his development.

My DD has just turned 1. When thinking about nursery, I thought we would've done many baby groups and met up with friends who have similar age children this year, but obviously that hasn't happened.
Because of that, I am considering putting her in a private nursery 2 or 3 mornings a week, when she's around 18 months - 2 years, even though I'm a SAHM. I think it will benefit her from the social side of it and being around other kids her age.
If this year had been "normal" I probably wouldn't consider nursery until around 3, as I see it as helping to prepare them for school

Mine went to preschool, 15 hours per week, couldn't imagine putting them in full days. They went for the year before they started school so at 3.5.

My eldest went 2 days from 2.5, my youngest will do the same

Until you have children and know your personal circumstances and the needs of your particular child it's hard to decide I think op. Most people I know do send their children, either around 1 for childcare purposes or to pre school when they get the 15 free hours when then child is 3. I didn't need to send my ds for childcare so he did the 15 free hours at 3 but because of some health problems, not enjoying preschool much and then covid he really didn't go very much before school. He loves school now though and settled extremely well so didn't have any negative effects. My dd will be starting when she is 3 because we wouldn't really afford it until we get the free hours. I do think she needs it more than ds though as she hasn't been able to go to playgroups and mix with other children like he did because of the pandemic.

mine went at aged 2.5, just for a couple of mornings in dd case, but ds went to a nursery 5 mornings a week because that was the rules there.

We have put our dd in nursery for 2 days a week, we had taken her to soft play a few times and she just loved the other kids and wanted to play with them, we dont have any friends with kids!

She loves it

I think it depends on you really. I think there's no need to send a child to nursery and no real benefit - you can get all the socialisation stuff you need at toddler groups, and do all the messy play stuff etc with your own child.

I kind of preferred not sending mine - but it is exhausting and relentless and, if you work, it's kind of necessary. But I don't think the child comes to any harm not going and, arguably, it's better for the child not to go until he or she is at least 3.