Friend not ready to send almost 3 year old to nursery?

[windolean]

I just wondered what the general feeling is towards nursery. I was talking to a friend recently. She mentioned she was not ready to send her DS to nursery. She will be 3 in May. She then said ' some children never go to nursery, it's not necessary '. She's a stay at home mum. I am no where near this stage with my DD. I haven't really thought about it, but I thought I would send her from around 2. What do people generally do ? I thought most people send their kids to nursery ? Is it meant to be good for them ? Or are there benefits to not going ? My questions are all genuine and without judgement. I'm really just curious and want to understand the pros and cons. I just always assumed nursery is ' what you do '.

My daughter's 3 in may. In normal times I would consider putting her in then but with Covid I can't do settling in sessions (she has complex needs so I would feel uncomfortable not being able to do this). She'll go in Sept when things are hopefully a bit more normal.

Most people I know sent their DC to the nursery class of a school for either mornings or afternoons for academic year before they started school.
DS1 1 started 2 mornings a week at a private nursery school aged 2.5, DD2 started 3 mornings a week just after his 3rd birthday and DD started 2 mornings when she was 2 because I was working, building up to 4 days in the nursery class the year before school. My mother was most disapproving that I set them to nursery before their nursery year. With hindsight I think she had a point, they didn't need to go.

Well you will have to use some judgement to come to a conclusion. Most families just do what suits their child and their situation. Neither option is likely to cause long term damage is it?

I'm a sahm with 2 dc. Eldest who is now year 1 never went to nursery. I felt no need to send him, he wanted to be with me, he was well adjusted, I didn't need the childcare. His transition to school was easy and smooth, does very well and socially is fine. Dc2 also no nursery, due to start school this coming September, I have decided after much deliberation for him to do 2 1/2 days of pre school a week from January. This is more for the social side for him, he loves being around other kids and people and because of this last year we haven't been able to much, so I feel pre school will be really beneficial for him when we've missed so much, toddler groups, interaction with friends etc etc.

I know people need to to send their children to nursery for childcare, but if you don't I don't really see the want to send them to nursery for the sake of it. As previous posters have said there is actually no study done that shows nursery is beneficial for children, it gives no advantage. For years I've been constantly bombarded with "when are you sending them to nursery etc, why not?". I've always been polite about it but why would I when I am home and fully capable of looking after my own children for the tiny time in their lives when they are young.

I see. I didn't know this. How dense am I. I just thought all children go. It makes perfect sense, it's child care and if you want to do it and can do it yourself then that also makes sense. Struggling with preschool, is that free ? Also from what age can you send them to nursery for free ? Or is it never free and does it depend on where you live ?

Nursery is a very recent option for most children. Up until about 30 years ago most under 5s were at home for the majority of the time with a parent. Support for parents was from extended family or other mothers in the same situation. There was sometimes the option of play group or pre school a couple of half days a week, but that was it. Much childcare was informal and provided by family members.

There has been a huge shift in parenting, childcare and work over the last two decades. The nursery industry has increased massively to cater for these changes.

Sending a child to nursery has now become the expectation, but there is no obligation to do so if you don’t have to and the child is thriving at home.

Covid aside, maybe not nursery as such but a pre school that might be 9-12 or 9-3 from age about 3 I think is commonly used by SAHMs that don’t need the full day for childcare necessarily. I think at that age there are plus points like preparing for school and socialising. But I’m sure kids are ok without. Transition into reception maybe more difficult.
But can see that there wouldn’t be much difference with a parent who went to groups and did some play learning activities at home
As long as your friend is focusing on her child’s needs as well as her own, can’t see the issue.
Of course covid changes things slightly

My daughter started nursery at two - one full day at first (7an to 6pm) and has built up to three full days. She's now almost four and absolutely loves it. My DD is an only child and really benefits from the social interaction. She's learned a lot from being there, has her little friends and a life away from me and I think her vocabulary is really good because she listens to lots more people than me or her dad all day. People tend to use different words and phrases, or quite often, the same ones. I love hearing about her day when I pick her up.

I knew it was the right thing to do when we went for a visit and ran off to play and left me

Children are adaptable little creatures though, and kids will be fine whether they go to nursery or not. What bothers me about your OP though, is that your friend seems to be thinking about her own needs and not her child's. Maybe I read tbatvwringly and I appreciate this year has been completely different.

I believe it's free for 15 hours a week once they turn 3 but there are exceptions. Probably wrong as I'm a FTM but that's my basic understanding of things.

I’m England it’s free from the start term they turn 3. So all kids will get one year, some up to 1 year plus 2 terms.
Every one gets 15 hours pw term time free. 30 hours depending if both parents are working a certain number of hours and no earning more than £100k

No exceptions to the 15 hours

I think it depends on the child, I've sent my DS for 1 day a week from when he was 16 months old. He loves it and just runs in without looking back but other children may not thrive in a nursery environment, also it has been a blessing during covid as he would of struggled without seeing other children for that long. I didn't need to but it greatly helps me to have time to finish my course, do whatever you feel is best for your family and child.

There's a difference between school nursery, a few hours a day before going into reception and daycare nursery. If I had a choice I wouldn't use daycare nursery, children benefit from developing social skill after 3 but are best with their primary carer before that. 2 us still tiny although they may seem very big if your child is still very very young.

I was a SAHM untill DD was 3, we lived in an area that had lots of sure start centres and lots of toddler groups so we went to a different one everyday, which gave her the same benefits of going to nursery, experiencing different activities and developing social skills. Unfortunately most of these centres and groups have been gotten rid of. When I started work Dd was looked after my grandparents and went to school nursery.

@windolean I'm due within the next month and our baby will be going to nursery 3 days a week from 6 months old.

As much as I'd love more time with our baby, financially, we need me to work aswell as DH to afford the house etc.

Nursery where I am is free for age 3 and up. It follows school terms and you get either a morning or afternoon session. They are usually attached to schools, but mine went to a separate nursery. All are council funded, so no one pays.

My first 2 only went to playgroup. 9.30 yo 12 2 days a week from the January of the same year they started school in the September. My youngest went to Nursery 3 woke days a week for about 18 months before starting school.
All 3 started school with no problems. I can honestly say I didn't notice any difference between the 2 slightly differing approaches.
You'll decide what words best for you nearer the time and also based on your circimstancrs/work/family commitments.
I strongly believe there is no right or wrong and very definitely pros and cons to each way forward.

I sent mine in from 3 as they enjoyed it but quite happily would have had them at home if I didn't work.

My daughter will be 4 in March and she should have gone to nursery for at least a morning or two each week from Easter this year. Then lockdown happened, and as both my DH and I have asthma (and in my case, autoimmune issues too), we kept her home.

Before lockdown, we did playschool classes, toddler signing, etc. Obviously that has all stopped.

I am now battling with anxiety about sending her to some form of nursery because I am worried about Covid. I know she will love seeing other children, so on top of the anxiety is a generous layer of guilt.

I know I have been lucky to be able to work from home (part time) and have her with me for this long, but she does need time away from me before she starts school.

Ds went to a cm from 9 months rather than a nursery due to me working, however when it go to pre school age, we decided to keep him at the cm rather than pre school with wrap around care as he would be in educational setting for at least 15 years, so felt ig better to keep him in a home like environment as long as possible, we did make sure he was ready for school, ie dressing himself, using forks etc

Ours went to a Montessori nursery school from 2.5 years until they were 5. They never did more than 3 days as, personally, we felt a balance between being at home, socialising outside of a ‘school’ environment and education was what we wanted for ours. They’re all adults now and, IMO, well adjusted members of society.

I don’t think there is a definitive right or wrong answer as circumstances, experience and personality all factor into it.

My son started nursery when he was two, I went back work when he was 2.5 so I slowly built him up from one morning to four short days.

He absolutely loved nursery, his communication improved hugely (hearing impaired), sharing skills, fine and gross motor skills, he also slept better.

He absolutely hated starting reception though, he had just started to settle when lockdown hit.

When we eventually have number two he/she will go to nursery when our year of leave is over, but as we’ll both be working part time he/she will be at nursery three days a week.

I think not going to any sort of nursery or daycare is fine. Every child and mum is different. My eldest did a 4 hour playgroup three days a week from the age of three rising and loved it. Her brother tried a similar regime and was happier staying at home with me so we cut back gradually and phased it out completely after the first term.

Children in the U.K. already start full time education very young compared with the rest of the world. It won't hurt them to have more time at home when they are young if that's the family preference.

@daisypond

Nursery where I am is free for age 3 and up. It follows school terms and you get either a morning or afternoon session. They are usually attached to schools, but mine went to a separate nursery. All are council funded, so no one pays.

That sounds like what is called preschool here.

Ours went to a private preschool so could start at 2 if we paid (though some 2 year olds do get funding). At 3 you could use your 15 (or 30) hours (if you got 15 you could pay for extra hours). It also followed school terms.

There are also preschools attached to schools which only take children with the free hours, but we chose to stay at the private one as it was great and we could top up hours / have more flexibility with the hours we wanted.