Friend not ready to send almost 3 year old to nursery?

[windolean]

I just wondered what the general feeling is towards nursery. I was talking to a friend recently. She mentioned she was not ready to send her DS to nursery. She will be 3 in May. She then said ' some children never go to nursery, it's not necessary '. She's a stay at home mum. I am no where near this stage with my DD. I haven't really thought about it, but I thought I would send her from around 2. What do people generally do ? I thought most people send their kids to nursery ? Is it meant to be good for them ? Or are there benefits to not going ? My questions are all genuine and without judgement. I'm really just curious and want to understand the pros and cons. I just always assumed nursery is ' what you do '.

I don't think children need to be in nursery before 3 unless it's for childcare so there's no other option. Sending children to socialise seems pointless at that age. They have the rest of their lives to socialise, up until age 3 children do better with a parent/carer who loves them.

After 3, it's up to the parent and can be beneficial for the child. Some children will thrive, others will do better with extra time at home. Also, the funding doesn't start until 3 so that could be an issue too.

When people who don't work say they want to send their one year old to nursery a few days a week as it will help them to socialise and gain new skills I just nod and smile. 9 times out of 10 it's so the parent can have some time off. Nothing wrong with that but just say it.

My daughter did 2.5 days from 9 months.
She loved it and it was great for her. She never was clingy even as a tiny baby so she honestly didnt care I was leaving her Haha.
I was young when I had her and I didnt know anyone with kids, she it was great to socialize her with babies her age. I also had to work so there wasnt :really a choice for me as my parents both work and I didnt really have anyone else that could take her. The nursery became like a second family, she loved it so much and talks about it fondly now (she is 4 and a half and in school.)
It's a personal decision though OP, I would recommend it :) she had friends who went to the same school, and her nursery told the school who was close to who so she is in a class with her best friend. The only down side is its bloody expensive!!! Until they are 3, then it gets better haha

Mine didn't go to nursery, I didn't see the need. I was a SAHM and the dc thrived in my care. They weren't in any way behind their peers who had been in nursery.
I think children start school so early anyway that it's soon enough to enter formal learning. That said mine all entered school able to read and do simple sums although I didn't set out to teach them, they picked it up anyway.

I'm happy to admit that being able to send DD to pre-school allowed me some me time

I've just started my 2.5 yr old at nursery. I hadn't wanted to send her but with the last year being how it's been she has had almost zero contact with other children. During the summer she was very awkward with other children once playgrounds reopened and we debated for a while but ended up signing her up for two days a week to get some social interaction with peers.

She's loving it and loves playing outside in the nursery garden almost all day.

We have another baby on the way and I'm going to keep her in so she has her two days a week of fun and games at nursery and mummy can have a bit of a break when new baby arrives.

I'm not sure there's any need if you're a sahm. Ours were with a wonderful cm from around 9 months because we both worked ft and at 3, when the free hours kick in, we sent them to nursery for 2 days a week for the social interaction in preparation of a larger classroom group. But we also kept them with the same cm for the other days. Dd was ready for nursery, she needed something more by that age. Both loved it and thrived. But had I been a sahm I'm not sure I'd have done the same. Or maybe I would have appreciated some time to myself, to train, learn new skills or simply just chill out. All kinds of considerations really.

There can be a financial reason as well. Even when the free hours kick in it can be extremely difficult to find a place that is completely free. Whilst there are meant to be options in some places they are limited and some families don’t have the cash to splurge on a not-strictly-necessary activity.

The benefit level to the child also massively depends on the home life they have.

Mine both went for 2 afternoons (2 hr sessions) the year they turned 3 and 5 mornings (3 hrs) the year they turned 4 to preschool.

It was very much about getting them settled and they loved it. DD has just started high school but she is still incredibly close to the 3 friends she made there and did secret Santa/virtual sleepovers with them and is meeting the first one she met today (for a sd walk)
DS in Yr 3 is still incredibly close to the ones he met
It was 15 hours they did all free so never paid

Three in May is not almost 3, it's 2 and a half. I didn't think there were any benefit to sending them before three, except if their home life is a concern. If I didn't need childcare then I would send them the term after they turn three for the free hours.

My oldest went FT nursery from around 8 months and definately thrived from it.
Youngest is now 21 months... I don't think I am quite ready to let him go yet as hoping he gets to do some sort of playgroups first... So I am thinking I might speak to the school 2 Yr old provision is attached to and ask that he does 2 mornings a week from September/October to prepare him for 3 year old nursery when he is allocated it.

Mine only went to a childminder then straight to school at 4 and a half in a class of mostly 5 year olds (many turning 6 before he turned 5). He thrived.

Early education and help for some children from vulnerable circumstances is crucial, and that’s why we have the 2 year old funded places. For lots of children in those groups it is far safer and beneficial to be in a nursery setting. There is lots of evidence to support this.

Some settings are better than others.

I used a CM when my children were small to enable me to work and I liked the “home from home” Environment. Then they went to preschool when they were a little older.

I would say it depends on the child. My eldest started nursery at 2, he did 2-3 days a week with meals then 5 mornings a week when he turned 3 and got the funding. I couldn’t afford the full days/meals anymore as was on mat leave with second child. He used to sneakily sit down for lunch and start eating just as I arrived to take him home, he wasn’t happy! He was very confident and energetic and needed to be out of the house mixing with other kids.

Youngest was the opposite, he was clingy, had speech problems and separation anxiety. I couldn’t decide if nursery would help so took him to a child psychologist session at local children’s centre and she said he would benefit from time at home with me, while eldest was out at nursery/school. That he’d not had enough 1 to 1 time. He stayed home with me until he started school nursery at 3years 5months, made sure we did lots of activities together to build his confidence. Also spent time with him leading the play for his speech therapy. He hated nursery the first term, had to take him in screaming his head off but he always settled within minutes so stuck with it. Second term he was totally fine, he was discharged from speech therapy, made lots of friends. I’m glad I waited with him but still got him into school nursery as it helped with the transition to reception, he’d met all the teachers, knew his way around, already had friends. He’s the most confident child you’ve ever met now, can’t believe he was in speech therapy now as he never shuts up!

I think it is often a case of happy mum, happy child when it comes to nursery.

I sent my dd to nursery under the age of one and she was happy to be left at the door because i was so happy to leave her at the door. I wasn't anxious or sad about it so she didn't have anything negative to pick up on. I wanted to get back to work for my own sanity and it improved our relationship. I love her to death and i didn't feel guilty because I knew it wouldn't do her any harm.

If a mother doesn't want to send children to nursery and doesn't have to then i don't think she should. If she is happiest having her little one at home then that's where the child will likely be happiest too. Kids are in tune with their parents feelings. If mum doesn't feel right about leaving her child at the door then the kid will sense something is wrong.

Until school age nursery is a personal choice and i say just do what makes your family happiest.

My 3rd child didn't go at all. We had moved across the country as she turnt 3 and I was due a baby....so I kept her with me and then she just started school at the right age. Started school no problem at all.

My DS will be starting preschool in a couple of weeks, he's just over 3. This is a preschool attached to the school so term time afternoons only. I'm a sahm but he definitely needs it now. I was always planning to send him when he got his free hours but even if I had doubts about it I'm certain now. As there are no toddler groups and we aren't able to mix really I'm so worried about him not getting a chance to play with other children so I can't wait for him to go, I think he'll love it, once he's settled in. It's my understanding here that most children who have been at home with a sahp tend to take up their place at preschool the term after they're 3.

Mine both went out of necessity as I work but even if I'd been a SAHM I would have sent them a couple of days a week. Personally I think it's good for thier social development to mix with other children away from thier parents and also prepares them for school.

I was a SAHM so never NEEDED to send the DCs to nursery.

They went to “play school” some call it pre school from a bit before they were three for a couple of mornings per week. They went to the nursery class of the primary school mornings only or afternoons only until they were old enough to go into the reception class (they were both summer babies so went into reception in the January - but not many schools do that any more).

This wasn’t for me, in fact it made things a bit more difficult for me, especially when eldest was in primary and youngest was in nursery school but separate schools.... I did it for THEM, important life skills are learned in a social setting.

@Angelofdeath

Kitty I was sooo worried about mine starting the school nursery (April starter pushed back to September) because of Covid, (see previous post I only send her 3 mornings) BUT seing her coming out laughing & chatting with the other children & telling me about her day has REALLY made me feel so much more at ease with it. It hasn't taken the fear away, but it's so much less

Thank you, that’s good to know. Aside from DH going into work twice a week, we don’t really mix with others at the moment, so adding another ‘risk’ seems like a big step. I know DD will enjoy being with other children, and although I am trying to do different activities with her, I’m no substitute for someone who knows what they are doing.

As others have said it's completely personal and includes a variety of factors.

I personally dont like a nursery environment for very small children. DS went to a childminder when I went back to work when he had just turned 1, this was 3 days a week. He still goes now I'm on mat leave again. When he is 3 he will leave and start an all day preschool 3 days an week with a CM to do before and after as the preschool is 9 til 3. My preference would be to keep with the CM completely but she feels he will need more stimulation and she will only have year olds as company for him so I have to go with her really.

I sent mine from 14 months 2 days a week for various reasons. At the time I was working so childcare (sadly not at the moment - covid, 😬) and she was only ever going to be the only one and husband and I were really keen she knows how to mix with other kids - which she does beautifully - usually 🤣.

I can't sing the benefits of sending her for both of us highly enough! she's starting to count, identify word's, write her name and learns thing l haven't taught her. I don't think you can be everything to your child and neither should you imo, it's not healthy

My two have both gone to a childminder (who has 2 assistants so it's like a tiny nursery) since 8/9m so I could return to work 2 days a week 9-4. With my eldest it definitely felt like it was just for my benefit until he about 2 and a bit, as he was upset on drop off for a while, although he had a lovely time. Then Covid hit, and lockdown was tough with 2 under 2. 5, so as soon as he could go back, he did. He has loads of friends there, they do messy play everyday and play in the garden whatever the weather. He loves it and asks to go everyday. My second joined him there a few months ago and settled really quickly and easily. He is scared of his grandparents as he's not seen them enough but he loves his key worker there.

I also think I may keep my eldest there till school now as hes so happy and with Covid we haven't been able to look around any bigger nurseries/pre schools.

From the time my DS was 2, other SAHM kept asking if he was going to nursery "I bet you cant wait for him to go to nursery" etc.
I was lucky that I could (just about) afford to be SAHM at that time so I wasnt in a particular hurry for him to go. He is old in his year so he went when he was just about to turn 3. That was a good age for him as he had just been potty trained. His nursery teacher picked up he had mild speech delay so I was glad we were able to start speech therapy before he started school. (I knew his speech was unclear but could just about understand him, but I wasnt aware how to access speech therapy)

@windolean

I just wondered what the general feeling is towards nursery. I was talking to a friend recently. She mentioned she was not ready to send her DS to nursery. She will be 3 in May. She then said ' some children never go to nursery, it's not necessary '. She's a stay at home mum. I am no where near this stage with my DD. I haven't really thought about it, but I thought I would send her from around 2. What do people generally do ? I thought most people send their kids to nursery ? Is it meant to be good for them ? Or are there benefits to not going ? My questions are all genuine and without judgement. I'm really just curious and want to understand the pros and cons. I just always assumed nursery is ' what you do '.

I was like your friend and only sent for a couple of morning sessions a week in the 3-4 months before my lo started reception.

There was no need. I was a sahp. We had so many wonderful immersive experiences. Lots of social activities with other children. A really great life. My lo was in the minority but also was incredibly secure.

I don't see any need for more nursery than this, solely to prepare for school attendance if the parent is providing a full really positive range of experiences. Obviously, if this isn't the case then it's entirely different as the child is disadvantaged.