What made you “stop” after one child?

ShatnersWig · 27/12/2020 22:28

My parents could only just afford to have me. So they didn't have any more.

audweb · 27/12/2020 22:31

A combination of PND, ageing, money (especially now I am a single parent and can live comfortably, but one more would be a stretch) and just the honest truth that one is enough, and I love her, but I’m just not interested in anymore children 😂 I’m very comfortable with my decision, can you tell?

Original poster

Toastandtea1 · 27/12/2020 22:32

@ShatnersWig

My parents could only just afford to have me. So they didn't have any more.

That’s a fair enough reason!

OP posts:

Original poster

Toastandtea1 · 27/12/2020 22:32

@audweb

A combination of PND, ageing, money (especially now I am a single parent and can live comfortably, but one more would be a stretch) and just the honest truth that one is enough, and I love her, but I’m just not interested in anymore children 😂 I’m very comfortable with my decision, can you tell?

So glad you’re happy with your decision!

OP posts:

AriesTheRam · 27/12/2020 22:33

Childbirth was fucking horrendous.PND.Sleep deprivation.

IDontDrinkTea · 27/12/2020 22:34

My husband is an only child after MIL nearly died during childbirth. He’s never felt he’s missed out.

I have a brother with significant disabilities and will need lifelong care. I suspect a secret part of my parents wished they’d stopped after just one child as it’s essentially stopped both their lives since he was born.

I’ve got one child and feel very lucky that she’s healthy. I don’t feel like tempting fate and having another

donnager · 27/12/2020 22:34

I had a terrible pregnancy (hg) and pnd after it, I don't think I can manage another one.

MyNameForToday1980 · 27/12/2020 22:37

I'm a 'one and done' merchant..I only ever wanted to have one child. DD is the right kid for us, our family. And I can honestly, and without guilt tell her she's my "favourite ever girl".

Saz12 · 27/12/2020 22:38

I like having one child. And, unpopular opinion, I believe she’s happier as an only than she would be with sibling(s). And environmental concerns. And my health.

ISeeTheLight · 27/12/2020 22:38

Horrible pregnancy - never been so ill in my life - followed by 6 months of utter hell with a baby with undiagnosed CMPA who never slept (literally 30min max during the night, then scream for 1.5hr, then another 30min cat nap, etc - never napped during the day). I can't go through that again.

Mumoftwo1990 · 27/12/2020 22:39

@Toastandtea1

So those who’ve seen my other post will have seen I’m (with husband obv) trying to work out whether having another child is a good idea. We’re very happily married, with DD (3yr old) but I have several disabling chronic illnesses (pretty much all of which came on after DD turned 1).

We’re 99% sure we won’t try for another and stick with the happy unit of 3 we are, but I’m genuinely intrigued what other people’s situations are that made them “stop” as it were with having more babies after their first.

I’m sorry if this is triggering for anyone, please don’t feel you have to answer if you’re not happy sharing. I just want to hear about others experiences of having an only child (from those who are comfortable sharing that is) x

Well I had twins but we weren't aware till the first scan. But honestly, we're not having anymore I've refused as my partner would definitely have more in the future. Mine is a combination of initially never wanting children, terrible pregnancy, PND and a medical condition which with having kids has affected me massively still, almost a year on.

bathorshower · 27/12/2020 22:40

I really didn't enjoy pregnancy or the first couple of years, so doing it again didn't appeal.

I'm a good enough mum, but shoutier than I'd like with one child. I think I'd be much worse if we had two.

DH's health got a lot worse when DD was 1; the first year was tough enough with him well, I really wouldn't want to face it again older, more tired, with another child and a husband who couldn't contribute as much.

Nohomemadecandles · 27/12/2020 22:40

My mum said she couldn't love anything as much as she loved me.

I have two. I don't think like she does! I hated being an only child. Still do.

Mincepiehangover · 27/12/2020 22:41

Really wanted a 2nd but had early menopause so couldn't- now dd is older l think things happen
for a reason and the 3 of us make a great team plus money isn't a problem for us and we are able to give her really good experiences. Def lots of pros to just having one. We are a very sociable family so can't say she is lonely.

AccidentallyOnSanta · 27/12/2020 22:41

For the first few years the child herself.
Pregnancy was horrendous for the whole 9 months, birth was a bitch. Then she was the baby/toddler that didn't eat,sleep or talk.
I was terrified of having another like that to deal with, even after she massively improved(about 3 years on).

Now , the truth is we can't afford another. Well we could, but can't afford to move and there's already 3 of us and a cat in one bedroom flat. We could make do I guess , but everyone's quality of life would diminish, particularly DD's and I just can't do that to her. It is what it is.

AliTheMinx · 27/12/2020 22:41

I am an OC and love it, and deep down I probably only ever wanted one child, although I never openly said this to anyone. I had 2 miscarriages followed by a very anxious third pregnancy with my son. It sounds so cheesy, but I just felt so very lucky to finally have him that I felt complete once he arrived. I also had a horrific childbirth with mass trauma and PTSD, and my body was completely ruined, and there was no way I would ever entertain the idea of having another baby - even knowing I would have the option of an elective C-section! I knew immediately that I was done as soon as my son was dragged out, and never ever felt any desire for another. My DH comes from a large family, and I wondered if he would like more, but he never mentioned it. I think he saw the sheer brutality of childbirth and we both counted our blessings...Our son is now 9 and very happy being an OC. He has quite a few friends who are OC too.

AliTheMinx · 27/12/2020 22:44

P.S. Apart from a few weeks of colic, our son was a delight and very easy going. It wasn't the fear of not being able to cope with another. Just contentment, feeling complete and relief at never having to endure childbirth again!

BlueBoar · 27/12/2020 22:46

I really did not want a girl and when I had my 22 week scan and knew DS was a boy, I knew then I would not even contemplate trying for another in case I had a girl. Turns out ex seems to only make boys as he has two more with DS’ stepmother!! And I wished I had been an only child (still do, I reckon), DS is a super cuddly boy still at age 10 and I am glad to be able to give him all my attention (when he wants it!) and treat him to cool presents and holidays I could never afford with two children.

1Morewineplease · 27/12/2020 22:46

I was brought up as an only child as my older sister was in a ( then called in the sixties) a mental asylum.
I hated having to face my parents alone and wished I had an ally but I also wanted to share Christmas, Birthdays and good times with someone else. I felt very alone.
That's why I wanted two children.

Now in my late fifties I face dealing with my frail mum alone.
My husband had his sister to help deal with his elderly mum's issues.

SomeWittyName · 27/12/2020 22:47

It was a difficult decision to stop after two miscarriages, but tbh the time spent really thinking about it made us see the advantages of one - I'm getting more time for myself now than in the baby and toddler years, we have more money with just one. I had horrendous pregnancies each time too, so the thought of going through it again was not an easy one. As time went on I also started thinking that the age gap would mean they might be difficult to entertain together as they would have different needs. Some of this might be convincing ourselves to accept a decision at least partly made for us, but really they also feel like solid reasons to stick with one.

Sewfrickinamazeballs · 27/12/2020 22:48

Two miscarriages, traumatic birth and DH age.

HooverWhenTheCoastIsClear · 27/12/2020 22:49

I thought I was 1 and done but here I am onto no.3.
I really didn't want to go through sleepless nights, pnd, birth... but firstborn was growing with no siblings and family miles away and no cousins etc and I changed my mind.

Had a planned c section which meant no further birth trauma and no pnd, now onto no.3 pretty quickly.

Each family is different, certainly oldest has missed out on time with me, not helped by a pandemic, but there'll be 3of them to grow together.

It's your choice,if you're looking for validation that one is ok, then you don't need to but I sometimes wonder if peoe ask because they're not really sure in themselves.

RedPandaFluff · 27/12/2020 22:49

It's really interesting, reading all these responses. DH and I had four rounds of IVF to have our DD who is now a year old and I'd love to try again with our remaining embryo. Chances are, it won't work, but I'm trying to figure out how upset I'll be if it doesn't!

DH was surprised that I wanted to try for a second baby - I said to him why wouldn't I, given that I had an easy pregnancy, c-section, DD has slept through the night from six months . . . he had to remind me that I was exhausted to the point of fainting during pregnancy, I had pre-eclampsia and then post-natal pre-eclampsia, DD was a nightmare to feed etc. I'd totally forgotten all that

SMaCM · 27/12/2020 22:49

We have a 21 year old only. There are some times when we thought it might be nice for her to have a sibling, but she told us this Christmas that she might only have one herself, as she realises how much more we could give her as an only child, which we couldn't have done if she had siblings (money and time).

SnackSizeRaisin · 27/12/2020 22:49

Horrible morning sickness plus life threatening complications of pregnancy and severe birth injuries. Although luckily did not have any mental health problems as a result. I am still having another but I sometimes wonder why I want to put myself through that again. It's mainly because I want my child to have a sibling. I am not desperate for another baby as such, although the one we have is lovely and is easy to look after plus my husband has become an extremely good dad and also great with housework etc which definitely makes the newborn baby stage a much less daunting prospect. Money has not really been a consideration for us - we don't spend much so will just make do. May live to regret that when paying 2 lots of nursery fees in the future!