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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off that my DM helped herself to nearly all the chocolates?

306 replies

AngeloMysterioso · 27/12/2020 19:09

My PILs gave DH and me a big tub of heroes for Christmas - we opened them last Sunday, but hadn’t got through that many- I’d had a couple of the fudge and eclair ones, DH had had a few, but we hadn’t made much of a dent in them. There was probably 80% left.

My DM, who is extremely hard work at the best of times (and who, incidentally, is type 2 diabetic and paid a small fortune for hypnotherapy to cure her of her “chocolate addiction” 18 months ago), came to us on Christmas Eve, bringing with her a big tin of Quality Street that I ended up giving to the bloke who voluntarily drove here at 3am Christmas morning to pick up the prescription for all her meds that she left at home, as a gesture of thanks (that’s a whole other fucking saga).

We took her home today, when we got back I opened the tub of heroes, thinking I would love a crunchie, to find it virtually empty- a few dairy milks and double deckers are all that remain. I knew Mum had had a few (she talked about the “guilty secrets” in the bin in her room that she tried to hide, which turned out to be wrappers) but I hadn’t realised she’d scarfed nearly the whole tub. I asked her about it, and among her responses were “Alcohol is far worse than chocolate!”, “Oh poor you! There wasn’t any Twirls either!” “I did buy you a big box of chocolates, so not thoughtless. But then you gave them away!!”

She’s got through more in 3 days than DH and me put together in a week, and apparently she’s not even sorry. AIBU to think that’s a bit bloody rude?

OP posts:
HTH1 · 27/12/2020 19:58

YABU. You didn’t even want chocolate the last few days and gave away those she brought with her!

Vates · 27/12/2020 19:59

This reply has been deleted

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Candyfloss99 · 27/12/2020 19:59

It's Christmas. I'd have been happy someone enjoyed the chocolate.

dottiedodah · 27/12/2020 20:01

Well I wouldnt be too fussed TBH! Unless you are on very hard times and cannot afford some replacements, who the fuck gives a shit! Buy some more and lighten up .Would be pleased to have my DM back who passed some time ago .She loved choccie and remembered the war years when it was rationed as a child and she couldnt get any!

Confusedandshaken · 27/12/2020 20:03

If your thread focussed on the ill health of your mum I'd be sympathetic. However your tone is judgy. You seem more concerned about her greed and lack of gratitude than her health. You aren't the chocolate police. Counting who ate how many sweets of what variety is controlling and says as much about you as your mum.

AccidentallyOnSanta · 27/12/2020 20:03

Would people be reacting the same if she was an alcoholic with a damaged liver?

"Aww at least someone enjoyed the prosecco"
"Oh, just buy another bottle"
"Is this all you have to worry about ?"

"It's Christmas,stop being so tight!"

Hoppinggreen · 27/12/2020 20:03

I was waiting to see how long it would be before someone played the “be grateful you’ve still got a mum” card
Well if OPs mum doesn’t start looking after herself a bit more then OP might not still have a mum soon

TheUndoingProject · 27/12/2020 20:05

Jesus, it’s Christmas. I think you need to lighten up. If your concern is really her health then I think you need to focus on coming across as supportive rather than judgmental and tight.

Original poster
AngeloMysterioso · 27/12/2020 20:06

I probably shouldn’t have started the thread to be honest. I was just so fed up, getting home to find that, on top of all the fucking stress she’s caused me pretty much from the moment she got here, she’s also chomped through most of my cheap shit chocolate. And I wanted someone to back me up and say that it’s ok to be annoyed. But clearly it isn’t!

OP posts:
Peachy92 · 27/12/2020 20:06

I think she knows she was being rude and selfish because she actually tried to hide it. And those saying it's cheap chocolate blah blah... it's £4 for one tub. It's not cheap by everyone's standards, we don't all get our Choccy treats from F&M you know. It's the principle of it OP along with all the other stuff.

warmandtoasty2day · 27/12/2020 20:06

there are some very ignorant people on here tonight. this not about cheap chocolate so these comments can fuck off. it's a sugar addiction which dm can't help. i'm the same, i have diabetes type 2 and have polished off a lot of chocolate over the hols i feel shaky and sick if i don't have, i gives me bad thrush and sometimes i'm violently sick as a result.

pilates · 27/12/2020 20:08

Agree with confused, you seem to have changed the tone of the thread from my mum nicking my chocs to be worried about her diabetes.

Calmandmeasured1 · 27/12/2020 20:08

It's Christmas. In my home sweets and chocolates etc are there for anyone to help themselves to. If I didn't want guests to eat them I'd hide them in my secret hiding place.

Scarlettpixie · 27/12/2020 20:08

For those saying posters are missing the point (about the diabetes), the OP was asking if she was unreasonable to think her mum had been rude to eat the chocolates!

coldwaterfeed · 27/12/2020 20:08

Not going to pile on, I understand why you’re worried, my mum is also type 2 and we do have to talk out of sugary treats and baked goods often.

ContessaDiPulpo · 27/12/2020 20:09

I'd be annoyed at my parent being a greedy selfish arse and stupid to boot as well, OP. My dad had barely-controlled diabetes and has been seen eating jam. I leave him to it, which makes me sadder because surely we show our love for our family/friends by trying to stop them destroying themselves.

kowari · 27/12/2020 20:09

Would people be reacting the same if she was an alcoholic with a damaged liver?
No, but you wouldn't leave open bottles around to tempt them either! If she has that much of a problem then there was the option to have had the chocolates hidden in the bedroom, bought enough puddings for a serve per person per day, then provided plenty of lovely low-sugar foods to pick at.

Icenii · 27/12/2020 20:10

Greed, being inconsiderate and taking more than your fair share seems to be accepted on MN if it involves eating too much. Yes it's Christmas but it's still greedy and rude and accepted by posters. Makes you wonder why our health is so bad.

AccidentallyOnSanta · 27/12/2020 20:10

@AngeloMysterioso

I probably shouldn’t have started the thread to be honest. I was just so fed up, getting home to find that, on top of all the fucking stress she’s caused me pretty much from the moment she got here, she’s also chomped through most of my cheap shit chocolate. And I wanted someone to back me up and say that it’s ok to be annoyed. But clearly it isn’t!
It really is ok to be annoyed.

Even if it wasn't, they're your feelings and they didn't happen out of nowhere or in a vacuum.

However what you need to do is distance yourself, accept the situation for what it is and make your peace with it for when the inevitable happen.

You don't have to power to change her and neither should you. Accept that.

She's an adult, she's vaccinated, she has mental capacity. She's responsible for herself and her health. Stop pandering to her ,helping out and making life easy so she doesn't have to deal with the consequences of her actions.

Dita73 · 27/12/2020 20:10

Is this for real?! For goodness sake,just have a bloody Sherry and unclench

Princessbanana · 27/12/2020 20:11

Next Christmas, go out and buy some nice treats, at least 2 boxes of your favourite chocolates and some biscuits and crisps or whatever it is that your really love and put them away!😁 and don’t take them out until Christmas evening or Boxing Day evening, no need to take them all out at once either!😁 you really should have a conversation with your mother about her diabetes though because that will not end well if she stays on the path she’s going on! Go out tomorrow and get yourself some more sweets!💕

lazyarse123 · 27/12/2020 20:11

@AngeloMysterioso

I probably shouldn’t have started the thread to be honest. I was just so fed up, getting home to find that, on top of all the fucking stress she’s caused me pretty much from the moment she got here, she’s also chomped through most of my cheap shit chocolate. And I wanted someone to back me up and say that it’s ok to be annoyed. But clearly it isn’t!
It is ok to be narked. The clue is in the name sharing tub. There's nothing worse than looking forward to something, shit or expensive, and some greedy arse has finished it off.
Thisisworsethananticpated · 27/12/2020 20:11

Jesus wept
To be annoyed enough to start a thread
It’s your mother and they are shitty £5 sweets

merlotormalbec · 27/12/2020 20:12

You gave away her chocolates. She ate yours. She obviously has a problem if she's had hypnotherapy.

AccidentallyOnSanta · 27/12/2020 20:13

@Scarlettpixie

For those saying posters are missing the point (about the diabetes), the OP was asking if she was unreasonable to think her mum had been rude to eat the chocolates!
What like so many threads in relationships about trivial and small things , that turn out to be the last straw in a string of unreasonable behaviour?
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