To be pissed off that my DM helped herself to nearly all the chocolates?

[AngeloMysterioso]

My PILs gave DH and me a big tub of heroes for Christmas - we opened them last Sunday, but hadn’t got through that many- I’d had a couple of the fudge and eclair ones, DH had had a few, but we hadn’t made much of a dent in them. There was probably 80% left.

My DM, who is extremely hard work at the best of times (and who, incidentally, is type 2 diabetic and paid a small fortune for hypnotherapy to cure her of her “chocolate addiction” 18 months ago), came to us on Christmas Eve, bringing with her a big tin of Quality Street that I ended up giving to the bloke who voluntarily drove here at 3am Christmas morning to pick up the prescription for all her meds that she left at home, as a gesture of thanks (that’s a whole other fucking saga).

We took her home today, when we got back I opened the tub of heroes, thinking I would love a crunchie, to find it virtually empty- a few dairy milks and double deckers are all that remain. I knew Mum had had a few (she talked about the “guilty secrets” in the bin in her room that she tried to hide, which turned out to be wrappers) but I hadn’t realised she’d scarfed nearly the whole tub. I asked her about it, and among her responses were “Alcohol is far worse than chocolate!”, “Oh poor you! There wasn’t any Twirls either!” “I did buy you a big box of chocolates, so not thoughtless. But then you gave them away!!”

She’s got through more in 3 days than DH and me put together in a week, and apparently she’s not even sorry. AIBU to think that’s a bit bloody rude?

It's not the point that it's just a tub of cheap chocolates. It sounds like the straw that broke the camel's back.

And actually it IS rude for anyone to scoff a load of chocolates leaving just a few for everyone else. No one would be saying this if it was a child.

I haven't forgotten my mil opening a new jar of almond butter l bought as a treat and eating about a third of it while she was looking after DD. She isn't diabetic but fuck knows how.

I think in the circumstances I would be happy that my guest had clearly relaxed, and felt happy enough to help herself. And I would go out and buy a new box.
If you are concerned about the amount of chocolate she eats from a health point of view, I would probably not have out them out.

@LadyTiredWinterBottom2

It's not the point that it's just a tub of cheap chocolates. It sounds like the straw that broke the camel's back.

And actually it IS rude for anyone to scoff a load of chocolates leaving just a few for everyone else. No one would be saying this if it was a child.

I haven't forgotten my mil opening a new jar of almond butter l bought as a treat and eating about a third of it while she was looking after DD. She isn't diabetic but fuck knows how.

It's also rude to give away a box someone gave ...in front of them!

You sound very worried about her and I don't blame you. I'm heading the same way as your mum and determined to get a grip on my greed

She probably thought you didn't like them much if you hadn't eaten many, it is cheap Cadbury rubbish after all. She had brought a tub to share so hadn't come empty handed.

I did ask her if she’d mind me giving the quality street to that chap and she agreed it was the right thing to do- he was putting himself out and doing us an enormous kindness and saving me the job of going to the hospital and back for her prescription in the middle of the night.
I’ve barely touched them in the last few days- we’ve also had mince pies, Christmas cake and a Baileys yule log so I haven’t really wanted chocolate as well.

Jeepers if she wants to munch herself to death with chocolate let her-she’s an adult and can do what she likes. Purchase another box of heroes and let it go.

It's not really about the chocolate is it?

It's worry about her health. It's frustration at her attitude and behaviours. It's pressure to step in and help out ,and who knows how much more you'll have to do in the future.

While she shrugs her shoulders like a child ,hides her head in the sand and does whatever the fuck she wants anyways.

Sounds like my nan who used insulin as a means to eat stuff she shouldn't.

It about £4 a tub? Who gives a shit, seriously. She gave birth to you, do you really begrudge her a few crappy chocolates.

I despair sometimes.

Thinking about it, I would have put them away if she has an addiction, like I would with alcohol if she was an alcoholic.

I am worried about her. I’ve already lost my Dad to a hideous fucking disease and I don’t want to lose her too, and she just doesn’t give a shit. She’s not worried, or even embarrassed, she’s downright defiant.

It might be greed / rude behaviour,
But it can also be a compulsive behaviour driven by the sugar / dopamine hit from the chocolate
These products are designed to make you eat them in a mindless / out of control fashion
Many people struggle to stop when they have access to more than is ‘required’
Diabetes amplifies this problem
It is a normal response to crave what we aren’t allowed to have
She and many diabetics struggle to control their eating, due to compulsive behaviours driven by dietary rules / trying to restrict certain foods etc

You begrudge a guest, your own mother, a few cheap chocolates? And feel that it is shameful to have taken them? It might be a bit disappointing and unhealthy for her but hardly an issue to raise with her.

It was rude you gave away the chocolates she brought so not surprising she felt it was ok to eat the other ones.

Should have kept them in your bedroom if you’re that precious about them and feel the need to measure your guests’ food intake.

Big deal. You are very lucky if that is the size of your woes.

Meh who cares ?! Should have bought more chocolate ! Sounds a bit stingy to me - it’s Christmas !!!! (Unless it’s all you can afford in which case YANBU)

Jesus Christ, I wish that was my only worry. Who cares?

@Lemmeout

Big deal. You are very lucky if that is the size of your woes.

Did you miss the part where OP's mother has diabetes, isn't managing it or her meds, spends money on "plaster " aids, her vision and physical health are deteriorating?

Sounds like my nan who used insulin as a means to eat stuff she shouldn't.

That’s exactly what she does.

Unforgivable. My kids know there are two unbreakable rules:

• Don't step on my white trainers
• Don't eat my chocolate

@AngeloMysterioso

I am worried about her. I’ve already lost my Dad to a hideous fucking disease and I don’t want to lose her too, and she just doesn’t give a shit. She’s not worried, or even embarrassed, she’s downright defiant.

OP is suggest you start a new thread(maybe in relationships) detailing your mum's issues(denial,deterioration etc) and how it's affecting you .

On this one most posters will focus on the chocolates only,despite being obvious they're a small thing in a much bigger picture.

You sound more annoyed about the chocolates than concerned for her health so I think her being diabetic is a bit of a red herring. Honestly OP if this is the worst thing that’s happened over the Christmas period then you’ve had it pretty good! I could understand more if they were rococo chocolates or some other fancier ones than heroes..