To be pissed off that my DM helped herself to nearly all the chocolates?

[AngeloMysterioso]

My PILs gave DH and me a big tub of heroes for Christmas - we opened them last Sunday, but hadn’t got through that many- I’d had a couple of the fudge and eclair ones, DH had had a few, but we hadn’t made much of a dent in them. There was probably 80% left.

My DM, who is extremely hard work at the best of times (and who, incidentally, is type 2 diabetic and paid a small fortune for hypnotherapy to cure her of her “chocolate addiction” 18 months ago), came to us on Christmas Eve, bringing with her a big tin of Quality Street that I ended up giving to the bloke who voluntarily drove here at 3am Christmas morning to pick up the prescription for all her meds that she left at home, as a gesture of thanks (that’s a whole other fucking saga).

We took her home today, when we got back I opened the tub of heroes, thinking I would love a crunchie, to find it virtually empty- a few dairy milks and double deckers are all that remain. I knew Mum had had a few (she talked about the “guilty secrets” in the bin in her room that she tried to hide, which turned out to be wrappers) but I hadn’t realised she’d scarfed nearly the whole tub. I asked her about it, and among her responses were “Alcohol is far worse than chocolate!”, “Oh poor you! There wasn’t any Twirls either!” “I did buy you a big box of chocolates, so not thoughtless. But then you gave them away!!”

She’s got through more in 3 days than DH and me put together in a week, and apparently she’s not even sorry. AIBU to think that’s a bit bloody rude?

I get it. They were yours and not up for grabs unless offered.
At least that's how it works in this house.
All the others who say you're being stingy are missing the point IMO

It’s 2020. Anything goes.

This is funny lol

Yes, it’s a tub of chocolates... for someone who doesn’t have Type 2 diabetes and all the health conditions associated with it because of her disordered eating/sugar addiction (obesity).
The OP’s mother maintains that with her medication (that the lovely man delivered in the middle of the night, because he understands the potential for a medical emergency or death.) her diabetes is “under control”, yet her associated conditions are not improving, are they? (Retinopathy, for example...) In most cases, if T2D patients can get their diet sorted and lose weight (and keep it off - because they value their long-term health and understand the consequences) they can reverse T2Diabetes and sometimes even get off the meds completely (if they have caught the disease early enough.)

@Madamum18

Well her behaviour was thoughtless. At the same I suspect that she thought giving away the chocolates that she brought you was also unkind. Did you discuss that with her or just do it? I know you felt the bloke deserved a present but really it should have been your Mum doing that.

Several things strike me that it might be worth considering:

1. Are you in the habit of "compensating" for your mothers behaviour, to others? If so why? She is an adult!

1. Do you treat your Mum a bit like "another child" dealing with her problems and letting her "get away!" with problems that she causes because you sort everything out?

1. Have you ever said clearly to your mum the facts about her diabetes and the misapprehensions that she is under in her approach? And that if she persists in this approach, you will ofcourse always be there but you cannot sort out every problem and she needs to think about what she is doing to her self because it will only get worse?
2. Told her that clearly her addiction to chocolate support didn't help and has she considered further support? ie some sort of gradual reduction style support which are often more effective and allow for not a complete ban

1. Does she often do things like forget all her medicines etc? How does she manage in her home? Is she usually as unwilling to accept any responsibility or apologise? if any of these are a change in her normal behaviour it might be worth considering if she has memory problems or check re getting more confused etc.

All of the above said kindly and supportively with lots of listening and understanding to see if you can get her to start being really honest about what is going on

I hope you can sort things out

The OP has said more than once that she asked her mother about offering the chocolates as a thank you, and it was agreed between them.

The OP has said more than once that she asked her mother about offering the chocolates as a thank you, and it was agreed between them.

Apologies, skimmed reading was obviously too skimmed!