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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off that my DM helped herself to nearly all the chocolates?

306 replies

AngeloMysterioso · 27/12/2020 19:09

My PILs gave DH and me a big tub of heroes for Christmas - we opened them last Sunday, but hadn’t got through that many- I’d had a couple of the fudge and eclair ones, DH had had a few, but we hadn’t made much of a dent in them. There was probably 80% left.

My DM, who is extremely hard work at the best of times (and who, incidentally, is type 2 diabetic and paid a small fortune for hypnotherapy to cure her of her “chocolate addiction” 18 months ago), came to us on Christmas Eve, bringing with her a big tin of Quality Street that I ended up giving to the bloke who voluntarily drove here at 3am Christmas morning to pick up the prescription for all her meds that she left at home, as a gesture of thanks (that’s a whole other fucking saga).

We took her home today, when we got back I opened the tub of heroes, thinking I would love a crunchie, to find it virtually empty- a few dairy milks and double deckers are all that remain. I knew Mum had had a few (she talked about the “guilty secrets” in the bin in her room that she tried to hide, which turned out to be wrappers) but I hadn’t realised she’d scarfed nearly the whole tub. I asked her about it, and among her responses were “Alcohol is far worse than chocolate!”, “Oh poor you! There wasn’t any Twirls either!” “I did buy you a big box of chocolates, so not thoughtless. But then you gave them away!!”

She’s got through more in 3 days than DH and me put together in a week, and apparently she’s not even sorry. AIBU to think that’s a bit bloody rude?

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 27/12/2020 22:38

You gave away the sweets she brought with her. So she ate yours. Yes it was a bit cheeky but just buy another one.,

Iamthewombat · 27/12/2020 22:41

You gave away the sweets she brought with her. So she ate yours.

Oh, is that how it works? The OP’s diabetic mother is allowed to eat as much of the food intended for sharing as she likes, and hide the evidence?

All because the OP had the temerity to give a tin of Quality Street to a man who kindly drove the meds her mother forgot to pack over to the house at 3am on Christmas morning?

TatianaBis · 27/12/2020 22:42

According to OP her mum’s on insulin, that should stabilise her vision. It’s not ideal but many people with type 2 have problematic relationships with sugar because cutting it out is actually quite hard.

Iamthewombat · 27/12/2020 22:42

It’s not difficult to work out where most of the bile on this thread is coming from.

AccidentallyOnSanta · 27/12/2020 22:50

@Iamthewombat

It’s not difficult to work out where most of the bile on this thread is coming from.
Because of lack of comprehension and inference skills?
Wheresmykimchi · 27/12/2020 22:55

Now now.

Yes there are clearly deeper issues but then surely it's on OP to post about that rather as chocolate?

Iamthewombat · 27/12/2020 23:01

Because of lack of comprehension and inference skills?

Yes, that’s one of the reasons!

AccidentallyOnSanta · 27/12/2020 23:02

@Wheresmykimchi

Now now.

Yes there are clearly deeper issues but then surely it's on OP to post about that rather as chocolate?

  • Well, exactly. According to her, now that she’s on an injection and other medication, it’s “under control”, therefore she’s absolved of any responsibility for her own health and she can eat as much as she wants of whatever the fuck she likes. In the meantime, her eyesight is deteriorating to the point that her optician wouldn’t let her drive herself home from her appointment (her first in four years) a couple of weeks ago- which was another problem I had to solve for her, from 60 miles away.

I’m not generally stingy, this was just the straw that broke my back today.*

In the first 25 posts , OP's second reply. She makes it very clear what it's about.

Love51 · 27/12/2020 23:05

The forgetting of the prescription and the eating of the chocolates are part of the same behaviour. They are both examples of your Mum not caring for herself. You feel obliged to fill in and do the caring for her, but you can't, usually due to distance, and because you can't un-eat the chocolates for her. So you are getting frustrated. There are two ways to change that dynamic. Either your mum behaves as you would wish, or you accept your role as a daughter is merely to appreciate your mum and not to fix the problems that are of her own making.
Of course, only one of those options is actually in your gift to choose!

Smallgoon · 27/12/2020 23:06

You've gone to the effort of starting a thread on something that is so pathetically trivial given the year we've had, and the struggles that many have had to deal with?

I despair.

Startingoveryetagain · 27/12/2020 23:10

I kind of understand where you're coming from and I've been having the same argument in my house with my db, who is damn right greedy! He will sit there and eat a whole pack of biscuits and not give a crap. I'm a person that loves to feed people and see them enjoy food, but I cannot stand greed.

Xmas day was the worst I sliced up all the Meat and put enough out for everyone and he went straight in taking way more than he should and it pissed me off! Even tonight I wasn't even hungry but I made crackers and cheese for myself and dc just so we could actually have some, as I know come morning it will be gone Angry

Wheresmykimchi · 27/12/2020 23:19

@AccidentallyOnSanta you're right. But people won't RTFT and will go on the OP.

badg3r · 27/12/2020 23:20

You're annoyed because she's been hard work. And because the chocolates are bad for her health and you are worried she isn't looking after herself. But you know all of this, and it's very hard to change any of it, so it's easier to just be pissed off that she's polished off the chocolates. Buy yourself another tub and keep supporting her with managing her diabetes. It's a long road, sorry you are finding it hard at the moment.

Nowaynothappening · 27/12/2020 23:22

I really wouldn’t be bothered about the chocolates, they’re cheap enough and I wouldn’t begrudge any guest a few cheap Cadbury chocolates especially at Christmas.

Would be arsed about her not taking diabetes seriously though.

justilou1 · 27/12/2020 23:34

Your mum is kidding herself. You need to show her gory pictures of ulcerated, gangrenous feet, amputated legs, etc... This is her future. I take it she hasn’t lost much weight either.

Maves · 27/12/2020 23:38

Going against the grain here but that is fucking cheeky! Or she could have told you nowt worse than thinking you've got something and it's been yammed.
On another note she ovo isn't taking her illness seriously forgetting her meds and nicking bear choccies .

Iamthewombat · 27/12/2020 23:55

You've gone to the effort of starting a thread on something that is so pathetically trivial given the year we've had, and the struggles that many have had to deal with?

I despair.

There are more trivial threads for you to jump into with your sanctimony. Here are some ideas from the ‘active threads’ list:

  • can you tell the difference with higher quality baking ingredients?
  • my first baby is named Evelyn, what should I call my second?
  • what is your skincare routine?
  • my husband sits down and wipes his arse after weeing.

Are you on those too, telling the OPs that you despair of them? If not, get over there stat. They surely need to be shown the error of their ways?

Cherrysoup · 28/12/2020 00:05

Fucking rude to eat almost the whole tub, plus wtf, she’s diabetic?! Does she have a death wish??

Jeremyironseverything · 28/12/2020 00:10

If I was expected to make only one tub last three days then I wouldn't think you'd been a great host tbh.

Iamthewombat · 28/12/2020 00:18

If I was expected to make only one tub last three days then I wouldn't think you'd been a great host tbh.

How do you know that that was the only treat item in the house?

Perhaps the OP decided to have less sweet stuff around to help her mum manage her diabetes? She’s had a good kicking from posters saying that she was unreasonable to even have the tub of Heroes lying around.

In any event, even if the OP’s mother didn’t have as much chocolate available to her as she wished (I am amused by the idea that the OP was ‘rude’ to give away the tin of Quality Street her mother brought with her, with the suggestion that they were brought for the mother’s own consumption alone), you don’t eat more than your share of what is there. You just don’t.

Nottherealslimshady · 28/12/2020 00:23

I'd be annoyed at the greedyness and would have said something but then moved on. It is just a box of chocolates and it sounds like you're aware of an issue with her eating. I'd keep sweet things out of sight in future.

AccidentallyOnSanta · 28/12/2020 00:26

@Jeremyironseverything

If I was expected to make only one tub last three days then I wouldn't think you'd been a great host tbh.
I’ve barely touched them in the last few days- we’ve also had mince pies, Christmas cake and a Baileys yule log

Poor deprived mother. How did she cope?

Obviously by eating the Heroes .

Onthelowdown · 28/12/2020 00:57

Sounds like it’s not about the chocolates.
Concerns about a box of heroes, I can’t support. Your wider concerns and annoyances- YANBU.

mathanxiety · 28/12/2020 04:51

OP's mum can't do whatever she wants, then expect OP to pick up the slack.

In a nutshell, this is what the thread is about, people.

Doing whatever she wants will result in losing a foot or even a limb, going blind, or in some other way becoming completely incapacitated, and requiring the support of the OP. She is not taking care of herself and taking it for granted that someone else will be there to clear up the mess she is busy creating.

Winniethepee · 28/12/2020 17:29

No more heroes anymore...