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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off that my DM helped herself to nearly all the chocolates?

306 replies

AngeloMysterioso · 27/12/2020 19:09

My PILs gave DH and me a big tub of heroes for Christmas - we opened them last Sunday, but hadn’t got through that many- I’d had a couple of the fudge and eclair ones, DH had had a few, but we hadn’t made much of a dent in them. There was probably 80% left.

My DM, who is extremely hard work at the best of times (and who, incidentally, is type 2 diabetic and paid a small fortune for hypnotherapy to cure her of her “chocolate addiction” 18 months ago), came to us on Christmas Eve, bringing with her a big tin of Quality Street that I ended up giving to the bloke who voluntarily drove here at 3am Christmas morning to pick up the prescription for all her meds that she left at home, as a gesture of thanks (that’s a whole other fucking saga).

We took her home today, when we got back I opened the tub of heroes, thinking I would love a crunchie, to find it virtually empty- a few dairy milks and double deckers are all that remain. I knew Mum had had a few (she talked about the “guilty secrets” in the bin in her room that she tried to hide, which turned out to be wrappers) but I hadn’t realised she’d scarfed nearly the whole tub. I asked her about it, and among her responses were “Alcohol is far worse than chocolate!”, “Oh poor you! There wasn’t any Twirls either!” “I did buy you a big box of chocolates, so not thoughtless. But then you gave them away!!”

She’s got through more in 3 days than DH and me put together in a week, and apparently she’s not even sorry. AIBU to think that’s a bit bloody rude?

OP posts:
EKGEMS · 28/12/2020 23:28

@MissMarks Well aren't you full of holiday cheer? Why don't you practice what you preach?

FortunesFave · 28/12/2020 23:28

why do you think that she then went off the sharing idea by eating 80% of the Heroes then hiding the wrappers?

Because she knows her daughter is tight?

Iamthewombat · 29/12/2020 00:35

Because she knows her daughter is tight?

Your reply is a good insight into your mind. Any host who doesn’t immediately wedge your snout into a bucket of sweets is denounced as ‘tight’! Are you twelve?

TheNestedIf · 29/12/2020 01:46

I understand where OP is coming from. It doesn't matter how cheap the chocolates are or how easy they are to replace. It's about one person being greedy and taking as much as they can/more than a fair share without a thought for anyone else.

DP tends to do this. It's the thing that really, really annoys me about him and he has been called out on it more than once.

For example, I asked him if he wanted me to add any snacks to the Christmas shop. "No, thank you." he said. DP's son also said "No, thank you." but he likes Maltesers so I added some of those and also bought some Malteser biscuits that I thought he would like to try anyway. I got the biscuits out for DP's son, who was reluctant to share them. Totally understand why, because DP then scoffed all but two of them whilst we were playing a game and distracted. I don't begrudge buying more snacks but it makes no difference because DP still doesn't leave anyone else an equal or fair share. He hoovers up whatever is there until it's gone. DP's son is now falling into the same mold and is beginning to develop a weight problem, because if he doesn't eat treats as soon as they're out he just won't get any.

With people like this, you could buy 10 tins of Heroes or/and Quality Street and still be left with 2 toffee pennies at the bottom whilst posters on the internet call you "stingy".

GreekOddess · 29/12/2020 01:50

It's not Christmas unless someone goes overboard with the chocolates and just leaves the toffee pennies behind!

Backbee · 29/12/2020 01:55

I’d had a couple of the fudge and eclair ones

YABU, they're the worst ones.

TheNestedIf · 29/12/2020 02:13

It's not Christmas unless someone goes overboard with the chocolates and just leaves the toffee pennies behind!

My father somehow managed to convince me that they were the best ones, alongside the pink wafers out of Family Circle.

Not a main reason we don't speak but it's definitely lurking on the list.

Jente · 29/12/2020 02:26

No Biggie. As David Bowie once said "We can eat Heroes, just for one day".

liverpool1981 · 29/12/2020 02:37

This reply has been deleted

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liverpool1981 · 29/12/2020 02:39

Life

ZaraCarmichaelshighheels · 29/12/2020 02:55

@CeibaTree

You sound more annoyed about the chocolates than concerned for her health so I think her being diabetic is a bit of a red herring. Honestly OP if this is the worst thing that’s happened over the Christmas period then you’ve had it pretty good! I could understand more if they were rococo chocolates or some other fancier ones than heroes..
Agreed! in the original post there was certainly no concern for the mother’s health just the rudeness of het eating the tub of heros, it’s only when posters are not agreeing that the OP switches it to a concern for her health!
Frownette · 29/12/2020 03:04

Your mother really needs to keep on top of her meds. It was nice of the man to fetch them at that time of the morning.

This thread made me smile a little though as I'm one of those people who likes a sweet nibble from time to time but not that often.

It reminded me of when my mother ate an entire box of chocolates my friend dropped off for me, I did not see one single one and was furious.

Currently I have a box of chocolates in, lovely Christmas spice chocolate bar, dark kit kat in fridge and several rocky bars. They won't go for months as I want to give box of chocs to a friend then I have loads to have a small bit on if I fancy it.

Who's the 3am guy? Your mother really needs to keep on track with medication and cutting down on sweets if it might affect her health. Good luck with it. Can understand why you would be annoyed but let it go and talk to her.

Mamanyt · 29/12/2020 06:50

@Iamthewombat

When you have guests over Christmas it's usual to share! You chose to give her tin away...the one she contributed.

Once more, the OP’s mother wasn’t doing much sharing if she ate 80% of the tub. This thread is an insight into the minds of greedy immature people.

Also, I think that the posters attacking the OP should decide what they are attacking her for. Half of them seem to think that the OP’s mother was entitled to eat all of the tin of Quality Street she brought with her and that the OP having given it away TO THE MAN WHO DELIVERED HER MOTHER’S FORGOTTEN MEDS AT 3 AM ON CHRISTMAS MORNING, AFTER AGREEING THE GESTURE WITH HER MOTHER constituted a diabolical liberty.

For those who think that the OP’s mother intended to share the Quality Street tin that was given away: why do you think that she then went off the sharing idea by eating 80% of the Heroes then hiding the wrappers?

Thank you. Glad to see someone actually read the entire damn thread. I was beginning to think that I was the only one...but no, I now see that a handful of others did.
Ddot · 29/12/2020 07:04

Christmas day my mam hit the sherry with gusto.
I told her to calm it down.
My brother reminded me its Christmas and she is 90
GOUT, GOUT GOUT
I'm horrid daughter and a kill joy
(Cant get meds cause doctor won't visit, mam won't leave house to visit doctors).
Merry friggin Christmas.
FYI mam ok upto now, no flare ups as yet.
🤞

Ddot · 29/12/2020 07:10

That delivery man got her quality street for doing her a favour. She brought it up like he didn't deserve it. I think she ate the damn chocolate to spite you. If she cant get a handle on her health u can't help her.
Hidden wrappers sign of guilt, do it myself

Lollipops1987 · 29/12/2020 10:02

I think this is a really selfish thread considering what's happening at the moment and how many people have lost loved ones or have not been able to see them for ages.
As somebody with a diabetic dad who is slowly killing himself with sugar and has also lost his driving licence due to glaucoma as well as his driving job, I totally understand the frustration but the title of the thread makes you sound petty and you will not get much sympathy on here. As other have suggested, start a new thread detailing you frustration at her not managing her diabetes as opposed to eating a few chocolates.
Also remember that like my dad, she may be struggling and need some support with it as sugar is an addiction just like alcohol and drugs. Good luck xx

Original poster
AngeloMysterioso · 29/12/2020 10:08

The lovely chap wasn’t even bringing her meds... he came to pick up her repeat prescription list so the out of hours GP could write her prescription. DH and I still had to go to the hospital and then the pharmacy on Christmas Day to pick them up while DM sat at home in her pyjamas scoffing chocolates. If he hadn’t come I’d have had to walk to the hospital in the night to take it, as the pharmacy was only open for a short time and if I waited til the morning it might not have been done in time to collect the meds. He was just a receptionist who the GP had told of my plan and decided to help me out. So yeah, I gave him the Quality Street.

OP posts:
HikeForward · 29/12/2020 10:25

She’s your guest, let her eat the chocolates without making her feel bad.

SharedLife · 29/12/2020 11:01

Exactly guests should be able to indulge in anyway they like. Diabetic and doing a shit job of managing it? Eat as much sugar as you like! Alcoholic? You know where the drinks cabinet is! Its Christmas so please do fill your boots. Sure you aren't taking any responsibility for your worsening health and the logistics of managing the fall out will fall to those nearest and dearest, but hey its Christmas so go for it!

Averyyounggrandmaofsix · 29/12/2020 11:08

A helpful solution, use sweetie dishes and hide the main tub. They look nice and can be easily topped up. Also allows you to mix brands assuming you have them.

AnneBoleyn1536 · 29/12/2020 11:16

It is a bit cheeky of her, but come on OP it's a £4 tub of Heroes.

Iamthewombat · 29/12/2020 11:40

Crikey OP, that guy really did you a favour! You and your DH did your mother a big favour too, going to the hospital and the pharmacy on Christmas Day. I’m not surprised that you are annoyed.

Nevertheless, you should expect a continuing trickle of criticism from people who only read your first post, along the lines of “you gave her chocolates away so you deserved it!” and “a tub of Heroes only costs £4!”

KarenMarlow3 · 29/12/2020 11:45

It was a bit inconsiderate, but no more than that. Buy more chocolates.
You can't do anything about her diabetes - only she can decide whether to control it or not, but I can understand your frustration.

TheNestedIf · 29/12/2020 11:54

She’s your guest, let her eat the chocolates without making her feel bad.

You can be a guest without being the Tiger who came to tea! * 8p

Ddot · 29/12/2020 11:59

That man was an angel