Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to let dd(15) bind?

183 replies

Nutepurple · 27/12/2020 18:54

she was having a really good Christmas until she tried her new clothes on, and now everything’s gone down hill. they’re not fitting her how she wants them to because she has a fuller chest. I said no to binding a few months ago when she first asked but I’m not sure what to do anymore

OP posts:
Waveysnail · 27/12/2020 22:06

Two of my friends wear minimiser bras as they are well endowed ladies who hate attention drawn to their boobs. Could this be a mid way alternative

partyatthepalace · 28/12/2020 10:31

If I’d know about binding as a teen I’d have done it. I didn’t even have big boobs - I was just unsettled by adolescence.

So please no binding - explain to her it’s dangerous.

If you can do what the posters mum 4 posts up did and take her shopping - do. If it’s too touchy right now or you just can’t make that happen, then sports bras or bralets with clothes that work.

She’ll almost certainly come out of this as her mind catches up with her body.

Also worth pointing out to her that many girls feel like this for a while.

midgeghost · 28/12/2020 10:39

It's dangerous

The right style of clothes will help. Women's clothes typically emphasise your shape

I personally find Molke bras make me look smaller and more natural than standard bras which uplift more

ElizaLaLa · 28/12/2020 10:49

I'd take her to a psychiatrist or psychologist or whatever before I allowed binding.

zzizz · 28/12/2020 10:53

Interesting, are there any particular types you recommend midgebabe. I'm always on the look out!

midgeghost · 28/12/2020 12:43

look at the men's section and seasalt have quite a relaxed fit that is better than average

MrsBrunch · 28/12/2020 13:14

Is this just another goady thread or an attempt to get people to share experiences of large breasts. Why is OP not engaging with posters on their thread?

Kaliorphic · 28/12/2020 13:25

I don't know if it's goady or not but I'm finding the solutions and ideas really helpful so I hope it doesn't get deleted.

VestaTilley · 28/12/2020 13:29

Take her for a proper bra fitting. Get her looser clothes/hoodies.

She can’t escape her body and nor should she feel ashamed of it. Binders should be illegal; they cause serious damage. Please don’t get her one.

NameChangeUnwiseAdvice · 28/12/2020 17:41

Awww thank you. Its a bloody minefield but I am doing my best to support them. I referred to them as my son the other day and they nearly burst with happiness!

Doesnt stop them doing my bloody head in mind you!

NameChangeUnwiseAdvice · 28/12/2020 17:41

Ffs that was meant to be a reply back to @Meatshake about using my child's preferred pronouns.

midgeghost · 28/12/2020 19:09

Just thinking , based on my experience growing up, I think that calling them he when they are a she is a short term nice thing whereas it's healthier to learn that you are a she and there is no shame in that and no reason to pretend otherwise. Your body is female and will always be so however much you hate and resent that

zzizz · 28/12/2020 20:11

Yes, I remember the sincere flash of joy when strangers thought that I was a boy, or my mum referred to "her boys". I also knew it was a sort of game though (unlike these days where your teachers, friends, and Tumblr all authoratively agree that you've been born in the wrong body and you will soon be considering suicide...)

zzizz · 28/12/2020 20:11

Cut off too soon there. I grew out of it and eventually came to peace with my body, but probably not till my mid 20s.

Wheresmykimchi · 28/12/2020 20:14

This, and scenarios given by PP, is not the purpose of binding.

Wheresmykimchi · 28/12/2020 20:15

@Kaliorphic

One of my daughters 12 year old friend has asked her to get her a binder as she can't get them posted to her own house. This thread is useful for working out how best to approach this. Slightly different problem but also similar.
Absolutely not.
Sheleg · 28/12/2020 20:20

WHAT? Why would you even CONSIDER this?

Wheresmykimchi · 28/12/2020 20:24

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

I know about a dozen teenagers who've gone down that road believing they were trans.

God is this stuff really getting that common? I knew NO teenagers who so much as openly cross dressed when I was at school. One boy once wore his sisters dress for a joke, it was talked about for months & the picture made it into the yearbook.

Thankfully the world has moved on and people aren't as ignorant.
Wheresmykimchi · 28/12/2020 20:25

@zzizz

Yes, I remember the sincere flash of joy when strangers thought that I was a boy, or my mum referred to "her boys". I also knew it was a sort of game though (unlike these days where your teachers, friends, and Tumblr all authoratively agree that you've been born in the wrong body and you will soon be considering suicide...)
Be thankful you were one of the ones for whom it passed. The statistics for suicide in young trans people is horrifying.
Grellbunt · 28/12/2020 20:27

Because trans, or because mental health anyway?

Grellbunt · 28/12/2020 20:29

@ElizaLaLa

I'd take her to a psychiatrist or psychologist or whatever before I allowed binding.
Just check it isn’t one that does “affirmation- only”
Pinkyandthebrainz · 28/12/2020 20:31

Nope. She needs a psychologist.

Wheresmykimchi · 28/12/2020 20:33

@Grellbunt

Because trans, or because mental health anyway?
What do you mean?
Wheresmykimchi · 28/12/2020 20:35

@OneEpisode

Breast ironing, common in Cameroon, other countries, and in some UK communities is designed to enable young girls and women to participate in society without being sexually harassed. It’s illegal in the UK. Breast binding is still legal but seems worse, because it restricts breathing, damages skeleton (rib cage etc) can cause a broken rib protruding into the lungs. Restricting movement prevents the young person participating in activities like exercise which have been shown to improve mental health. Don’t encourage binding. There are better solutions. For example foster a pet that requires care/exercise and that distracts from obsessing about appearance.
Grin that is up there with one of the most ridiculous.
NewyearNewme2021 · 28/12/2020 20:42

@PlantMam

Binding is dangerous, even pro trans resources say so. It can cause problems with breathing and damage ribs.

It affects breast tissue, creating flat and saggy breasts that will not recover - not a big deal if a double mastectomy is in the person’s future plans, but a massive problem if binding was intended to be a short term solution to the awfulness of puberty (and avoiding the associated sexual advances of adult men).

I would personally go no further than a properly fitted, minimiser bra but obviously, all parents will have a different red line.

(My middle daughter identified as a boy for a year but has now desisted. Was a very difficult time for the whole family but DD is much happier now on the other side and physically unharmed).

This.

Binding is a rather permanent solution for transient feelings of body hatred.