to let dd(15) bind?

[Nutepurple]

she was having a really good Christmas until she tried her new clothes on, and now everything’s gone down hill. they’re not fitting her how she wants them to because she has a fuller chest. I said no to binding a few months ago when she first asked but I’m not sure what to do anymore

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

I know about a dozen teenagers who've gone down that road believing they were trans.

God is this stuff really getting that common? I knew NO teenagers who so much as openly cross dressed when I was at school. One boy once wore his sisters dress for a joke, it was talked about for months & the picture made it into the yearbook.

Sorry, I should have said - I work with teenagers who have been out of school for various reasons - many of them mental health related around their sexuality.

Binding, over time, makes the breasts appear sagging and empty, quite awful. It gets to the point where the obvious next step is a double mastectomy.

That is the entire reason these binders are pushed -- if you look at any US conference about how to do thing like this for trans kids, they're sponsored by plastic surgery centers and pharma companies.

Many parents would be dead horrified by a child's request to have healthy, functional body parts removed. But destroy their functionality and appearance first via binders, so the parents don't see the damage until it's too late, and they'll say "oh no, I can see how those breasts make you feel awful, of course we'll help you get rid of them." Once they're damaged to the point swimwear and bras don't fit, what's the alternative?

Go have a look-see at photos of breasts that have been bound "safely" long term. You'll see exactly how binders are the thin end of a wedge designed to get parents to buy cosmetic surgeries they would otherwise object to.

I'd be terribly worried if I had a daughter who did this that she was experiencing bullying or even sexual abuse. In many studies, over 1/3 of girls expressing a desire to transition genders had experienced sexual abuse.

Have to admit had to google "Binding" Sounded like something they did in ancient China or something! WTF?

@dottiedodah

Have to admit had to google "Binding" Sounded like something they did in ancient China or something! WTF?

It's very much akin to breast ironing.

Meh, I can't get worked up about it. I see it as the same as wearing gel cups and chicken fillets which I did at that age.

It sounds like she has a bit of a body issue and allowing her to bind will just feed it.

As other posters have said, she really needs to understand that having boobs isn't shameful and she doesn't need to hide them.

Maybe try to have some 1:1 time with her and try to get to the bottom of why she's feeling this way? Teenage boys can be absolutely vile about girls bodies so please make sure she's not getting any negative input at school.

Meh, I can't get worked up about it. I see it as the same as wearing gel cups and chicken fillets which I did at that age.

How is breast binding - a potentially harmful thing to do to developing breast tissue - anything like wearing gel cups or chicken fillets?

@LadyBrienne

Tops like this

This is a perfect recommendation.

I think its patronising to tell her she needs to learn to love them, we only do that when we're given the freedom to choose to love things or not.

There are safe ways to bind, and unsafe ways to bind. If you give her the tools to bind safely then she'll be happy and health. If you dont, she will find online how to bind with unsuitable fabrics and will be unhealthy and unhappy.

Flat sports bras are great and you can buy specific binding bras. It's so important she does it safely so let her.

It's NOTHING like the same as wearing padding or chicken fillets

It's crushing breast tissue leading to damaged tissue that NEVER recovers !

Not to mention deformed ribcages and permanent breathing issues...

Sorry, I should have said - I work with teenagers who have been out of school for various reasons - many of them mental health related around their sexuality

I work with teenagers too and there seems to be a bit of a worrying trend emerging of thinking it's more acceptable to say they're trans rather than gay. It's like they think sexuality and trans are the same thing when in reality they are absolutely not and one has nothing at all to do with the other.

The downside to going for binding is that she can’t wear a binder all the time. So if binding makes her feel confident, she can only do so for a few hours. It’s not something you can safely do all day every day. Don’t try to make her love her curves though. It’s patronising to think all women should love their curves. I love androgynous looks but I’m still a woman.

Have you discussed with her why she wants to bind? I’m non binary (I’m not saying your daughter is) and I have very large breasts and they give me dysphoria on some days and it does make me feel better to wear a sports bra or clothes that hide my chest. I’ve never done binding though and I know it comes with risks but I also know that struggling with your body is not just in need of ‘body positivity’. My body feels wrong sometimes. Some people need to bind to feel ok every day and to make it safe they just need to know their boundaries (to not do it at night, take breaks where possible.) It might help to ask her what’s going on and see what comes out. Work together to figure out what’s best for her.

She might feel.more comfortable in a minimiser bra or a sports bra type top which holds them down firm, rather than an actual binder which can damage breast tissue and cause mastitis.
My daughter prefers loose tops and hoodies to disguise hers.
I think its best to be sympathetic and understand she wants to disguise her shape, but without pandering to it either. Its perfectly normal to have breasts and its harmful to obsess about your body

Oh no I wouldn’t be happy at all. Is it not damaging?

different styles of bra will make clothes fit differently. Maybe try some little vests or bandau tops underneath to limit exposure. Tit tape is a must for getting clothes to hold where they are supposed to. At a push if its really that bad perhaps try a minimising bra. I would definitely be working on body confidence though. I was already a B cup at 12 and often hated myself. Until the confidence grew and around 18 I was pretty much glad for my body as it was.

I just tried to find images to see what the effects of binding breasts looks like in terms of tissue damage etc. Except I thought a good search term would be ‘bound breasts’. Turns out that’s something totally different (every day’s a school day).

Sorry op no advice on how to deal with but it doesn’t seem a healthy thing to do for a developing teen, physically or mentally.

Breast ironing, common in Cameroon, other countries, and in some UK communities is designed to enable young girls and women to participate in society without being sexually harassed. It’s illegal in the UK.
Breast binding is still legal but seems worse, because it restricts breathing, damages skeleton (rib cage etc) can cause a broken rib protruding into the lungs. Restricting movement prevents the young person participating in activities like exercise which have been shown to improve mental health.
Don’t encourage binding.
There are better solutions. For example foster a pet that requires care/exercise and that distracts from obsessing about appearance.

You will find information that suggests the least harmful ways to binding, but none are entirely safe or undamaging.
Personally, I wouldn't allow my teen DD to do this. But she's not asking me to either.
It's really hard when your child is upset and this seems to be a solution, but I really would try not to succumb.
A good sport bra is a decent compromise and being realistic about what clothes she is comfortable wearing and that work with her body shape.
You might want to be a little more curious about her online activities too as this is a slippery slope for girls struggling with body image and possibly gender issues.

‘Binding’ is a very wide scope.

You can buy special bras to reduce the size of breasts very similar to sports bras which I would allow.

Bandaging them flat to her chest? No I wouldn’t.

Is she ok? Why does she not like her breasts?

Good grief, would you bind her feet if she thought them too big? Be sensible.

No way. Of course not. Doctor and referral to CAMHs.

I'd be terribly worried if I had a daughter who did this that she was experiencing bullying or even sexual abuse.

This. I remember a girl at school hit puberty early and developed a massive bust. Men would come up to her on the street asking to come on her tits. She was 12.

She had reduction surgery later in life as her bust was so heavy it was causing back problems. But that was a medical issue. What did the psychological damage was men assuming that large breasts on a child or young woman = public property (and slut).

I've never heard of this! Is it a 'thing' ? Sounds horrible, like those elderly Chinese women who had their feet bound as kids.

15? Absolutely not. Have you done any research into it?