to let dd(15) bind?

[Nutepurple]

she was having a really good Christmas until she tried her new clothes on, and now everything’s gone down hill. they’re not fitting her how she wants them to because she has a fuller chest. I said no to binding a few months ago when she first asked but I’m not sure what to do anymore

Breast binding is a form of self harm, why on earth would you agree to it?

No!

I was a teenager back in the 90s when no-one was trans and binding wasn't a thing.

However hating your boobs was entirely normal and wanting sports bras and minimisers was absolutely the norm.

It's a normal stage of puberty as weird, painful things have grown on your chest that give you unwanted attention. For me it lasted until 1. I had a proper fitting bra at that time only available at Rigby and Peller and 2. I discovered that they were actually pleasurable for me. However this was about 10 years after the bastards grew so it was a long wait.

Sports bra or minimiser + sympathy.

feelingverylazytoday waist training - steel boned corsets [ sad]
We really are regressing aren't we?

Shock absorber sports bra and plain black v necks are the best solutions - I'm a 28gg and mainly live in these. I used to live in big baggy jumpers but I retrospect these hid nothing.

Incidentally I'm also autistic and like some young people today, would 100% have charged into the medicalised "trans" route. I hated everything about puberty and girliness and was convinced I must be a boy. I am so, so endlessly fucking glad I was born back then and not today. I just needed more time than most to grow up and deal with social expectations.

Hopefully whatever she's going through, in time your daughter will get used to her body too.

@persistentwoman

feelingverylazytoday waist training - steel boned corsets [ sad] We really are regressing aren't we?

We really are 😢

My DD is also 15 and a double D cup. I’ve invested in good-quality bras and sports bras for her and pre-pandemic I’d take her in to be measured every few months as they’re growing so fast at this age. Having well-fitting underwear makes all the difference to how tops and dresses fit and many clothes look fantastic with a fuller figure. My DD likes having nice underwear too- I’ve rarely bought myself anything special underwear-wise, she’s got much more attractive things than me.🤣

Sometimes she just doesn’t want to show her chest and wears baggy T-shirts or sweatshirts. I personally don’t think that binding is a good idea at all, breasts aren’t something to hide or be ashamed of.

We are totally regressing.

We were fighting gender stereotypes and now they're more of a hardened social thing than ever before.

Does anyone have any resources to share for teenage girls that encourage them to feel pride, connection and acceptance in their wonderful female bodies without resorting to harmful gender stereotypes?

How do gender non conforming girls feel at ease in their bodies, rejecting toxic female stereotypes but not rejecting their female bodies?

(How did we get to a place where it is so hateful to be female that girls are willing to mutilate their bodies?)

@Lookslikerainted

Why doesn’t she want her chest to be visible?

Have you ever met any men or teenage boys?

@AnnaMagnani

No!

I was a teenager back in the 90s when no-one was trans and binding wasn't a thing.

However hating your boobs was entirely normal and wanting sports bras and minimisers was absolutely the norm.

It's a normal stage of puberty as weird, painful things have grown on your chest that give you unwanted attention. For me it lasted until 1. I had a proper fitting bra at that time only available at Rigby and Peller and 2. I discovered that they were actually pleasurable for me. However this was about 10 years after the bastards grew so it was a long wait.

Sports bra or minimiser + sympathy.

As the username suggests, I agree so much that, whilst it may be sad and difficult and problematic, feeling uncomfortable in ones's body is sooo normal and very much a part of puberty, but it has become pathologised by society and the trans lobby now to the point where every teenager feeling awkward can go online and find damaging advice and affirmation. I am very disturbed by the extent of this type of reaction - I know well how upsetting and alienating it feels to suddenly have a body you don't feel belongs to you, and to feel uncomfortable and "wrong" - but that should be acknowledged without the rush to "fix" by binding, drugs, proclaiming a new gender etc...

I do hope you don't allow a child to get binders posted to your house

Absolutely bloody not. I just need to figure out what to do for the best. It's somewhat complicated. But no, I do not advocate binders for children and my daughter knows this which is why she confided in me.

I think porn has a lot to answer for too. I wouldn't want to be a teenage girl with huge breasts ever again anyway, but I would especially hate it in the modern world of camera phones, deepfake, online porn etc etc.

I don't know how you'd just be able to help them overcome this with positivity. In some ways it's a slightly more perilous world than when we were younger.

Getting into clubs, hobbies and activities in real life is probably part of the solution, along with stopping spending so much time online - but I think that's all easier said than done, especially during Covid times.

I would find it hard to agree because damaging your body is really so bad. I understand that trans people want to have parts cut off and I think that is ok so long as it’s absolutely 100% the right thing for them and they aren’t going to regret it later in life. But I think damaging the body is entirely different and dangerous.

Is she getting comments at school or elsewhere about her breasts?

@Kaliorphic

I do hope you don't allow a child to get binders posted to your house

Absolutely bloody not. I just need to figure out what to do for the best. It's somewhat complicated. But no, I do not advocate binders for children and my daughter knows this which is why she confided in me.

I think you just have to say you can’t do that because of the potential health issues - a child who is wearing a binder needs their parents and teachers (and any other responsible adults) to be fully aware so they can monitor for breathing or rib issues. Let the kid know it’s not a moral judgement, just a safety one, and ask them how else you can offer support in ways that don’t risk their physical well-being.

@zzizz, that was a lovely post to read. Very practical and thoughtful.

I hated growing breasts. There's no pain in the world, like bumping a breast bud off the side of your school desk.

For a long time they were inconvenient, they didn't look like anything I'd seen on page 3 - (the olden day internet for the body conscious teen) but they were noticeable. When I was about 13, a stranger pinched my nipple in the street, because they were protruding through my t-shirt. I was humiliated and ashamed. I used to stick toilet roll over my nipples to disguise them. I know now that I was assaulted and it wasn't my fault, but I couldn't have been TOLD that as a teenager. My first reaction was to hide him, and my mum wouldn't get me a padded bra, she thought I was trying to draw attention to them.

They are part of the body, like knees, love them or hate them, flaunt them or hide them, but don't permanently mutilate them. This too shall pass. A year could make a tonne of difference.

I agree with @zzizz that getting involved in activities and spending time with other girls ( not necessarily just your close friends) can really help with body positivity. In normal times my DD is in a couple of sports teams and clubs. No one’s bothered about your chest size when you’re training and playing as a team.

PlantMam I am going to go down those lines, but said child doesn't know I'm aware, and I think it would damage relationship with DD if I said something directly to her. I'm thinking that I need to somehow get the message through my daughter somehow. I know really I've only got one good shot at this and I've got to get it right.

@Kaliorphic

I do hope you don't allow a child to get binders posted to your house

Absolutely bloody not. I just need to figure out what to do for the best. It's somewhat complicated. But no, I do not advocate binders for children and my daughter knows this which is why she confided in me.

Sorry if I misunderstood. And it's great that your daughter confides in you. There are so many 'useful idiot' adults out there unthinkingly being woke without considering all the safeguarding issues and harm these ideologies are doing to children. Good luck with finding the right solution.

Sorry if I misunderstood

It's ok. I understand why you did. I would have responded in the same way. Thanks for the good luck. Hopefully I will get this right.

@DarthKaren I really hope you don't mean what I think you mean - as if you do that's pretty disgusting and inappropriate

Once it’s possible, take her for a professional fitting somewhere with a large variety of minimized bras. The right bra can make a huge difference in one’s figure and self image. For now, buy plain sports bras with built up shoulders, and dark colors with no horizontal stripes or yoke details. Wearing a singlet over the bra also helps. Flannel shirts over t shirts also disguise breasts well. As long as there are butches(butch women), the grunge look will never die.

Please don't. I did it as a teen some 15 years ago as part of a costuming hobby and it has left visible effects on my chest, as well as other friends who did it in the hobby. Some have been left with atrophied breasts from the tissue being crushed, others apparently with internal scarring within the tissue, and some with back and rib damage from binding. It is absolutely not worth it and is very costly to fix.

No op. Teach her not to be ashamed of her body.