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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Do you have a favourite child?

211 replies

Shockat · 27/12/2020 18:43

I have a boy and girl. They are mostly opposites. I much prefer my son's personality. They're adults btw.

OP posts:

Lalliella · 27/12/2020 19:57

No, but DD always jokes that DS is our favourite, so we call him Favourite Child to wind her up!

peakygal · 27/12/2020 19:57

I don't have a favorite. All 3 DDs are worlds apart from eachother. One being very very easy but I love them all the same because we connect on similar things individually. Its like all 3 each have different parts of my personality and in a whole it fits together if Im making any sense with that 😂

allthewaterinthetap · 27/12/2020 19:57

I feel closest to child 1 and child 3 out of my 3.

BadTattoosAndSmellLikeBooze · 27/12/2020 19:58

Yes, I do. The worst thing is, it isn't even one of mine

🤣🤣🤣

Hoppinggreen · 27/12/2020 19:59

I’m quite fond of DDs boyfriend

WomenAndVulvas · 27/12/2020 20:00

No. I think I would detest myself if I did. It must be awful.
You can't help the way you feel and there is no point in detesting yourself for something you can't help and can't change.
I think favouritism is quite common and as long as you keep it to yourself and treat your children equally, it is nothing to be ashamed of.

funinthesun19 · 27/12/2020 20:01

It all depends on who is behaving and who isn’t I love them all the same though.

Dovecote · 27/12/2020 20:01

The dog. He wins, no contest.

Irisheyesrsmiling · 27/12/2020 20:01

Depending on whose the least annoying at any particular moment! ;)

Not really.

No, no favourite though very different relationships with each. Loved fiercely and enjoy one to one time with each individually. Feel very grateful for my dc and that we have such a strong bond and genuinely enjoy one another's company.

TravellingSpoon · 27/12/2020 20:02

I feel much more protective of DS, as he has severe ASD, and he is my mini shadow, always wanting hugs and snuggles, despite being almost 14. He isnt my favourite but on the balance he gets much more attention, despite my best efforts to spread myself around.

My sister is my Mums favourite. She never denies it and everyone knows it. I am my Dad's favourite but I am his only child.

Ibizafun · 27/12/2020 20:05

Op like you I also have an adult boy and girl. Ds is like me.. very sensitive but straightforward. Dd is.. like my ex husband. Love her but don’t know how she could be mine sometimes

Blacktothepink · 27/12/2020 20:06

Another vote for the cat...though he’s pissing me off at the mo whining for the left over chicken 🙄

Christmasfairy2020 · 27/12/2020 20:06

Love same my 6 yr old is my baby my 11 yr old is hmmm interesting. But goes everywhere with me and doesnt run of lol

Confusedandshaken · 27/12/2020 20:06

I don't think I have a favourite. I love them all equally passionately. However I find one of them much easier to get along with than the others. Not because they are the nicer or better child but because I understand them more.

coronafiona · 27/12/2020 20:08

I have 3 and get on with each differently in different ways. I love each of them dearly and don't have a favourite

LuckyNumberThirteen · 27/12/2020 20:09

I have a son and a dog.

The dog wins.

JustAGirlFromHoe · 27/12/2020 20:09

My mother clearly does and it’s not me.

I’m her only child BTW 😂

BadTattoosAndSmellLikeBooze · 27/12/2020 20:11

You can't help the way you feel and there is no point in detesting yourself for something you can't help and can't change.
I think favouritism is quite common and as long as you keep it to yourself and treat your children equally, it is nothing to be ashamed of.

I just know how I would feel. I did say it must be awful. I think I would actually try to change it.

Favouritism is definitely common. I think it’s a reason so many families have issues and have low or no contact between them. I think it’s impossible to hide even if you try. That’s why it causes so much damage.

underneaththeash · 27/12/2020 20:11

Mine is definitely not the dog!
The 3DC are my favourites, but at different times.
DS1 is most similar to me, but he's 14 and can be teenagery
DS2 is very easy going, but can be a bit passive
DD is very sweet and sassy, but doesn't listen.

Vates · 27/12/2020 20:11

I think the most important thing here is the love doesn't change. I don't have children myself but if I had two then I would love them both the same but yes personality does come into; in terms of a person you would get along better with or certain aspect that you personally like to see in people. My Sister was the favourite but I didn't even realise it until adulthood, lol. I knew I was loved by my Mum and Dad as a child but not always given the right (positive!) attention. But to be honest I was glad the attention wasn't on me.

It was only when my Auntie told me that she felt bad that my parents had always favoured my Sister when we were kids. I kind of knew; my Mum was like me overweight and not pretty and she lived through her daughter who was popular, blonde and very pretty and basically let her get away with murder. My Sister wasn't a nice human being as a teenager, she was disgusting in fact (smart though so got excellent grades, lol).

She is lovely to me these days and we are very close. I have always loved her but didn't like her personality until just before our Mum died. She was just everything that dissuades me from a person; selfish, cold, spoilt (in that she didn't recognise the gifts she'd been blessed with).

I supposed always make your children feel loved, you can't help getting along better with a one child than another but love is key.

Mummylin · 27/12/2020 20:13

This is the mug my adult son gave me at Christmas ! Rivalry is alive and well !

arethereanyleftatall · 27/12/2020 20:15

That's exactly it @Vates
Love them equally, treat them equally, make sure they don't know, but don't beat yourself up if you're drawn to one personality over the other.

Limemoon · 27/12/2020 20:17

I have a boy and girl, also opposing personalities. I think I see what you mean, OP, but I really dont have favourites BUT one child is always easier work at any one time. One is generally harder work due to personality, so on the outside may seem to get more 'tender' attention/favour, but this changes phase to phase - they are 5 and 7. They compete intensely for my affection and everything has to be "fair".

I'm very cognizant also my love is different with each child. That is because each is a different person. It is like you have a different relationship with your mother or father or sibling, don't you?

Milkshake7489 · 27/12/2020 20:18

Oh god, I'm about to have my first baby and I'm so scared of having a favourite that he might end up an only child

I never felt like my parents had a favourite between me and dsis...

But I would have been devastated if I thought they did!

Vates · 27/12/2020 20:19

I voted YANBU by the way. My Mum was at heart a softy like me so are time together was vey chilled. I used to massage her legs until she fell asleep. I loved her, she loved me, she didn't do anything wrong. Please don't beat yourself up about this.

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