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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Told by MIL her Christmas was ruined

236 replies

W33ble · 27/12/2020 15:39

So we had a tough morning on Xmas morning. Brother in law telephones us. Their whole family has woken up with a cold symptoms, sore throat and muscle aches with fatigue. Their toddler full of cold, possible temperature and rang us for advice about what to do as their mother was meant to be going for Xmas day dinner later at their house.

A bit of background I’m a nurse and clinical contact tracer for Nhs test and trace. We had a long chat re: 3 symptoms would lead to a test but how I’ve traced lots of people who only had cold symptoms and were positive. They have no way to check toddlers temperature as thermometer not working but he feels warm and they’ve given calpol. So BIL says maybe not good idea to have MIL at their house and could we ring my MIL and see if she could come for Xmas dinner with my parents instead. Rang my mum, she said of course as long as she’s had no contact with BIL family in past 10 days. A bit more background...MIL is 72 . BIL has 2 kids, one in school 7 days ago and toddler last in nursery 2 days before Xmas. Last seen MIL 11 days ago.

Multiple phone calls ensued with the story changing all the time as it became apparent I was the grinch .Their toddler was in bed which is unlike him as he doesn’t nap after having a temperature/bad night. I explained a temperature is a reason to have a test which he then retracted and said it wasn’t a temperature and he had checked the nhs website so didn’t need a test. MIL played the whole I don’t understand card when we explained the situation. Said she’d go, keep her distance and not stay very long. When I explained it should be go and drop off the turkey from outside due to potential Covid she made out like she didn’t understand. She then rang back 5 minutes later and said she was just going to drop the turkey off. We rung her an hour later to check she’d got back ok and no answer so we were worried something had happened. I rang BIL and he says yeah it’s fine mums here, sat down at the dinner table and about to have Xmas dinner so can’t talk.

Rang her Boxing Day and got a standoffish tone/minimal conversation except for her to stick the knife in about how she could barely drive to their house through holding back the tears, how she made the best of Xmas day, how she got a taxi back as she’d had a few wines and how she couldn’t even be bothered opening any cards or presents and was sick of Christmas and taking all her decks down. I feel like the bad guy now even though BIL rang me to ask for advice and I only had MIL best interests at heart.Feel like telling her to eff off after she said her Xmas was ruined.

Aibu?

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 27/12/2020 21:22

So BIL says maybe not good idea to have MIL at their house and could we ring my MIL and see if she could come for Xmas dinner with my parents instead. Rang my mum, she said of course as long as she’s had no contact with BIL family in past 10 days. A bit more background...MIL is 72 . BIL has 2 kids, one in school 7 days ago and toddler last in nursery 2 days before Xmas. Last seen MIL 11 days ago.

Multiple phone calls ensued with the story changing all the time as it became apparent I was the grinch .Their toddler was in bed which is unlike him as he doesn’t nap after having a temperature/bad night. I explained a temperature is a reason to have a test which he then retracted and said it wasn’t a temperature and he had checked the nhs website so didn’t need a test. MIL played the whole I don’t understand card when we explained the situation. Said she’d go, keep her distance and not stay very long. When I explained it should be go and drop off the turkey from outside due to potential Covid she made out like she didn’t understand. She then rang back 5 minutes later and said she was just going to drop the turkey off. We rung her an hour later to check she’d got back ok and no answer so we were worried something had happened. I rang BIL and he says yeah it’s fine mums here, sat down at the dinner table and about to have Xmas dinner so can’t talk.

Rang her Boxing Day...

How many phone calls back and forth do you count there, @BestOfABadLot?

Bellsandwhistle · 27/12/2020 21:26

Still not answering why you didn’t have her to yours.....

diddl · 27/12/2020 21:28

@W33ble

MIL had bought and cooked their turkey. She didn’t want to say to us that she had no intention of not dropping the turkey off at BILs house and would just go and have Xmas dinner regardless.
So she declined your offer, went to BIL as planned, so how was it ruined for her?

Was BIL pissed off that she was there & had been trying for her not to be?

mathanxiety · 27/12/2020 21:29

I suspect that one is easy - BIL persuaded her to come to his, told her the OP had lost her mind on the topic of covid and of course they only had colds, because it dawned on him that without her BIL's family wouldn't have a turkey.

W33ble · 27/12/2020 21:35

BIL rang me as unable to get hold of MIL and wanted advice. Then he rung us again to ask if my parents would be able to host MIL with us. Then rung again to see what the answer was and if my parents would host his mum. Then rang to say he wasn’t booking a test and it wasn’t a problem and U’turned on his previous story that his toddler had had what felt like a temperature in the night and needed calpol to bring the temp down. A temperature is a reason to get a test on the gov U.K. website hence why I suggested they should get the toddler tested. It probably is a cold but their mum is 72. I only had her best interests at heart. I’ve learned my lesson from this, don’t get involved with anything to do with their health again. Ring 111/119.

OP posts:
W33ble · 27/12/2020 21:37

I answered above. We were going to my parents for Christmas dinner. Hence why I rang my parents to ask if it would be ok if she came too. They said of course what an awful situation ...

OP posts:
W33ble · 27/12/2020 21:39

BIL said she was just “confused” and overwhelmed about what she was meant to be doing. She knew exactly what the sensible thing to do was but didn’t want to come to my parents.

OP posts:
burleycha55i5 · 27/12/2020 21:42

@SaltyAF

Surprising as most nhs I know are totally relaxed about covid and would have had a more common sense approach

Nasty, gaslighting shitpost.

Couldn't agree more with your assessment of that post
LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 27/12/2020 21:42

I was but thrown by the calling her to make sure she got home ok. It sounds like calling to check if she had followed advice. Bit micro managing at best. She's an adult, treat her like one.

W33ble · 27/12/2020 21:44

She’s 72 and seemed upset. She’s widowed, lives alone and we thought she’d be sat on her own with no Xmas dinner and would probably want some emotional support?

OP posts:
B1rthis · 27/12/2020 21:45

Remember you are not at work next time a relative phones for work advice.
Tell them the website they need to look on or ask "have you telephoned (insert health profession) For advice?"
Your job when you are at home is the health and happiness of your dependants.

ivfbeenbusy · 27/12/2020 21:47

I'd just remind them of this when she rings you crying for advice in a day or two having come down with the same symptoms

mathanxiety · 27/12/2020 21:47

But she had a whole turkey.

W33ble · 27/12/2020 21:48

That she was always dropping off at BILs!

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 27/12/2020 21:49

DH has had a lifetime of her antics

And you are aware that she has form for 'antics'.

mathanxiety · 27/12/2020 21:49

The point is she wouldn't have had nothing to eat.

W33ble · 27/12/2020 21:52

Yes we usually get the silent treatment for some “slight” we’ve done. Like not phoning enough or forgetting to send a birthday card to an aunt.

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 27/12/2020 21:57

Your MIL is seriously up herself and loves drama. You will never be able to help her in the way you believe your help is needed. She will instead soak up all the attention her little scenes generate.

Vates · 27/12/2020 21:59

I read but didn't understand. Did she just drop the turkey off or actually spend Christmas with them? Christmas alone won't kill anyone. I spent my first Christmas alone at 17 with a tuna sandwich for lunch. It sucks but it isn't the most awful thing I could imagine going through!

W33ble · 27/12/2020 22:01

She ended up having Xmas with BIL and co. She ordered a taxi to take her home late Xmas night.

OP posts:
Clutterbugsmum · 27/12/2020 22:08

BIL set you up to cause drama, he knew exactly what would happen with his phone call.

Time to take a step back from all of them and let them play out their drama amongst themselves,

ThePawtriarchy · 27/12/2020 22:11

So if your BIL does have it then the taxi driver and all the people they drove that day and since, and all those people’s families will be at risk. Efficient, I’ll give them that.

TorringtonDean · 27/12/2020 22:12

@Ginogineli are you the BIL? If people have symptoms they should isolate until they have a test and get results. You only need one symptom to get a test.

DecemberDiana · 27/12/2020 22:16

They are an odd bunch. It's not you op.

Needcoffeecoffeecoffee · 27/12/2020 22:19

You did the right thing @W33ble its not your fault the whole lot of them ignored you.
Next time she says you ruined Christmas I would act surprised and say "but you didnt see me over Christmas remember you went to bil as planned"
But best just ignore her and dont let it get to you