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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Told by MIL her Christmas was ruined

236 replies

W33ble · 27/12/2020 15:39

So we had a tough morning on Xmas morning. Brother in law telephones us. Their whole family has woken up with a cold symptoms, sore throat and muscle aches with fatigue. Their toddler full of cold, possible temperature and rang us for advice about what to do as their mother was meant to be going for Xmas day dinner later at their house.

A bit of background I’m a nurse and clinical contact tracer for Nhs test and trace. We had a long chat re: 3 symptoms would lead to a test but how I’ve traced lots of people who only had cold symptoms and were positive. They have no way to check toddlers temperature as thermometer not working but he feels warm and they’ve given calpol. So BIL says maybe not good idea to have MIL at their house and could we ring my MIL and see if she could come for Xmas dinner with my parents instead. Rang my mum, she said of course as long as she’s had no contact with BIL family in past 10 days. A bit more background...MIL is 72 . BIL has 2 kids, one in school 7 days ago and toddler last in nursery 2 days before Xmas. Last seen MIL 11 days ago.

Multiple phone calls ensued with the story changing all the time as it became apparent I was the grinch .Their toddler was in bed which is unlike him as he doesn’t nap after having a temperature/bad night. I explained a temperature is a reason to have a test which he then retracted and said it wasn’t a temperature and he had checked the nhs website so didn’t need a test. MIL played the whole I don’t understand card when we explained the situation. Said she’d go, keep her distance and not stay very long. When I explained it should be go and drop off the turkey from outside due to potential Covid she made out like she didn’t understand. She then rang back 5 minutes later and said she was just going to drop the turkey off. We rung her an hour later to check she’d got back ok and no answer so we were worried something had happened. I rang BIL and he says yeah it’s fine mums here, sat down at the dinner table and about to have Xmas dinner so can’t talk.

Rang her Boxing Day and got a standoffish tone/minimal conversation except for her to stick the knife in about how she could barely drive to their house through holding back the tears, how she made the best of Xmas day, how she got a taxi back as she’d had a few wines and how she couldn’t even be bothered opening any cards or presents and was sick of Christmas and taking all her decks down. I feel like the bad guy now even though BIL rang me to ask for advice and I only had MIL best interests at heart.Feel like telling her to eff off after she said her Xmas was ruined.

Aibu?

OP posts:
hereyehearye · 27/12/2020 16:02

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MsTSwift · 27/12/2020 16:03

You were supposed to say oh it’s all fine which professionally you couldn’t. If you had done so and she got Covid it would be your fault by the way.

I hate it when family and friends exploit others professions - really unfair

Floralnomad · 27/12/2020 16:04

I think you have involved yourself way too much and in future let your husband deal with their petty family dramas. I can’t see how her Christmas has been ruined though , as she went where she wanted to go.

WhereYouLeftIt · 27/12/2020 16:04

If anything was ruined, BIL is the one who ruined it - he rang you asking for advice that he wasn't going to take. And made you worry about them all on YOUR Christmas Day - what a wanker!

Your MIL sounds the type who likes to have something to moan about, so I'd consider it a Christmas present that you've given her.

I'd probably also ring BIL and tell him not to worry me again, since he clearly had no intention of taking my advice; and next time he can ring 111 like everybody else and not involve me in his drama.

Fedup21 · 27/12/2020 16:05

I’m confused-bil said they were all ill so could MIL go to your mum’s. You said yes; what happened then?

Petronius16 · 27/12/2020 16:07

I think I'd tell BiL it's the last time you'll give advice to his family, considering how badly his mum is treating you.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 27/12/2020 16:08

Stuff 'em, honestly.

You gave them appropriate advice, they didn't like it, so they decided to do their own thing.
MIL may have risked catching covid, but you know what? That was her choice, and your BIL's choice to allow her in when they're all ill.

You have no responsibility to them for their fuck ups now.
And, because I'm a bit like this, if MIL does happen to go down with a cold/covid (depending on whether or not BIL's family have it) then I'd not be able to stop myself from saying "see, told you".

slipperywhensparticus · 27/12/2020 16:09

@Fedup21

I’m confused-bil said they were all ill so could MIL go to your mum’s. You said yes; what happened then?
She ignored the advice went anyway got too pissed to drive her own car got an uber home and its all the ops fault she didn't enjoy herself enough
happytoday73 · 27/12/2020 16:10

Stop engaging...leave to DH.
If she starts... "How could I have ruined Christmas when you went ahead with plans anyway"
I'd be tempted to point out if she has covid due to this you will be unfortunately to busy to help shop etc.... But probably not best...

Out of curiosity did they ever get tested?

polkadotpjs · 27/12/2020 16:10

So she went anyway but it still claiming Christmas was ruined?!

Oryxx · 27/12/2020 16:12

Your mistake was getting involved in the drama in the first place. Why couldn’t BIL have phoned MIL? This wasn’t your mess to try and sort out.

ineedaholidaynow · 27/12/2020 16:13

@hereyehearye BIL asked OP for her opinion and then suggested MIL had Christmas with OP's parents instead, why would the OP not then speak to the MIL

CanofCant · 27/12/2020 16:13

They sound like a bunch of idiots. Leave them to DH.

Meredithgrey1 · 27/12/2020 16:14

I cannot see how anyone could twist her being miserable into something that was remotely your fault.

slipperywhensparticus · 27/12/2020 16:14

@polkadotpjs

So she went anyway but it still claiming Christmas was ruined?!
Yup strange woman
wildraisins · 27/12/2020 16:14

Very confused... so she's upset with you because you gave her advice not to go? But then she went and had a nice time anyway?

I don't see what the problem is from your MIL's end. All you did was give her sensible advice and beyond that you can't stop her doing what she wants to do. All seems daft to me. Just disengage from it all and give it some time to settle down.

DecemberDiana · 27/12/2020 16:15

No advice in future. Learn the lesson.

Bellsandwhistle · 27/12/2020 16:15

I’m lost. Why didn’t you have her for Christmas instead?

Jent13c · 27/12/2020 16:16

I love my MIL but she is completely closed off to the spreading of infection. She once was looking after my son while I was on night shift and he was up with a sickness bug all night. He was still vomiting all the next day. She chapped on the door around 11am (woke me up) to see if my son was still going to a family birthday party that day. Ummmmm no??!!!!!

Ithinkim · 27/12/2020 16:16

Well, let's hope she doesn't get it and they all regret their stupid behaviour.

PuppyMonkey · 27/12/2020 16:17

Getting a taxi back home is just the icing on the cake really isn’t it? Confused

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 27/12/2020 16:17

No good deed goes unpunished.

I have family like this, I keep my distance now they still manage to make me their scapegoat though

AntiHop · 27/12/2020 16:18

Bloody hell what is wrong people. I'm.so furious with your MIL and the rest of the family for enabling this reckless behaviour. And I feel so sorry for the taxi driver who has bee exposed. Is your mil now going to isolate for 10 days?

diddl · 27/12/2020 16:18

@Bellsandwhistle

I’m lost. Why didn’t you have her for Christmas instead?
Because Op was going to her own parents.

I think Op was supposed to scrap that & just have MIL.

Even though it was Christmas morning & Op probably had nothing in!

VinylDetective · 27/12/2020 16:18

You’ve heard that saying about shooting the messenger? She’ll get over it.