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Original poster

SIL made me cry on Christmas Day

161 replies

Knottedstomach11 · 27/12/2020 00:26

I will NC after this as it is very outing.

We always have Christmas dinner in PIL but this year we decided to spend a few days staying in MIL’s. It is the first Christmas since FIL passed away this year so we didn’t want MIL to be alone.
I have two very young DC so this was quite an effort. I also bought all of the Christmas dinner - also effor as one DC is severely disabled. In short it was not fun for me in the week running up to Christmas.

SIL is single so also comes over for Christmas dinner. She is very difficult character at the best of times and talks, talks, talks.

Ok Christmas Eve SIL came over to prep veg. I did offer to do it the next morning and there was only 5 of us for dinner. We had a group discussion about dinner the next day and I said I would be leaving to visit my family at 12.30 but would be back by 3.30 for dinner.

On Christmas Day I got back to MIL at 3ish and saw SIL in the kitchen. I offered to help when she started shouting at me. Said that I shouldn’t have left MIL alone, I should have stayed to cook the Christmas dinner, my help was not needed now but at 1pm.

I walked out of the room as I was so shocked.

My MIL is lovely and has 14 children - why is it up to me to spend Christmas with her & not one of her own children? I had said to DH and DSS that they should stay with MIL while I visited my family. They both said MIL wanted time to herself.

OP posts:
Dreamymcdreamer · 27/12/2020 00:30

Ah YANBU OP, why should it be up to you to do when like you say she has 14 children (including your DH and your SIL who were both there!).

Sounds like your SIL thought she was going to get na easy ride on the day and that you'd be running round like a blue arsed fly facilitating it all.

I hope your DH spoke to her as I find that pretty unacceptable! Hope you managed to have a good day in the end WineFlowers

Yummymummy2020 · 27/12/2020 00:30

You were not in the wrong at all, she sounds crazy!

quackson · 27/12/2020 00:32

Bat shit

KicksLikeASIeepTwitch · 27/12/2020 00:35

Who usually cooks?
Who usually buys the food?
Is there any kind of rota?
What were your husband and stepson doing?
Sounds like everyone is unreasonable is relying on one person each year to do it all rather than everyone pitching in. Shopping, prepping, cooking is not wifework though - rather than walking out, you should have said to SIL that you had bought all the food and she should have kicked her brother into touch.

MrsToothyBitch · 27/12/2020 00:35

SiL is in the wrong. I also think she's annoyed she had to do something!

Nottherealslimshady · 27/12/2020 00:36

Sounds like SIL was pissed that she had to step up as she'd expected you to pick up the work. Not your job. 14 kids and somehow DIL is responsible for spending Christmas with her? No.

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 27/12/2020 00:36

Where was your DH in this?

She should not be shouting at anyone, unacceptable. Who should have been doing dinner if it was meant to be ready at 3.30 and you weren't there? Was there some miscommunication here?

AIMD · 27/12/2020 00:36

Doesn’t seem your fault at all.
If she’s got 14 kids one of them should have stepped up if they think she needed someone.
What did you say back to her?
I wouldn’t ever have her for Xmas again.

WorraLiberty · 27/12/2020 00:37

Sounds like a hell of a lot of miscommunication.

You say she knew you were leaving at 12.30 and returning by 3.30 to eat dinner.

You also say your DH said your MIL wanted to be alone.

So where did she get the idea you should've been there? Also, does she not expect your husband to do anything?

StillCoughingandLaughing · 27/12/2020 00:37

How did she ‘make’ you cry?

Disabrie22 · 27/12/2020 00:39

I suspect having 14 children means that none of that has a good connection with her and there may be a bit of resentment from them. There clearly is from your SIL. Interestingly your husband and child didn’t want to stay with her either. Even more interestingly - you were the one who made the effort and brought the dinner. Large families can be amazing but can also be awful for parent child relationships.

Disabrie22 · 27/12/2020 00:40

Ignore your sister in law - she sounds like her worst Xmas fear was being stuck with her mother and that’s what happened and she took it out on you.

PersonaNonGarter · 27/12/2020 00:43

Bizarre. What did you say OP? What did DH say?

iamusuallybeingunreasonable · 27/12/2020 00:44

I'd have reminded her that as a daughter it was really her duty to step up, the lazy cow!

Charlie63849 · 27/12/2020 00:45

Did your DH help his sister?

coldwaterfeed · 27/12/2020 00:45

YANBU, SIL had no business talking to you like that.

But why on earth did you even offer?! MIL
has 14 kids, leave them to it!

Also, what were the timings? Do you usually eat late?

TrialOfStyle · 27/12/2020 00:46

I’m a bit confused - there was only 5 of you for dinner but you mention 14 children. Were any of them coming round?

No, SIL shouldn’t have shouted at you. Your DH should have stayed and helped. Was he telling the truth when he said MIL wanted to be alone or just assuming? Could MIL have complained to SIL about feeling overwhelmed and under appreciated (most of the party leaving while she’s cooking with SIL) and SIL has stepped up to defend her?

Original poster
Knottedstomach11 · 27/12/2020 00:50

@StillCoughingandLaughing she shouted at me. It frightened me, hurt my feelings and made me cry. I’m not used to people raising their voices especially when it’s not necessary.

I think the miscommunication came as SIL talks over people and doesn’t listen. She had an event that morning and said she would be back in MILs by 1pm. I explained I was visiting family and would be back by 3.30 at the latest. MIL agreed 3.30 was fine for dinner.

I think SIL didn’t listen to anything that I said and expected me to be there at 1pm cooking dinner.

@KicksLikeASIeepTwitch I bought dinner this year, SIL bought last year so we kind of have a rota. I had asked DH to cook this year but MIL took over (I think it’s a forbidden rule for men to cook in her house!)

I felt bad that MIL would be alone at all on Christmas Day and said it to both DH and DSS to stay with her.
DH was in the room but SIL was shouting at me not him.

OP posts:
AIMD · 27/12/2020 00:51

She just sounds like an arse who clearly has a warped perception of your role as the host/ woman of the house.

What did your DH do?

coldwaterfeed · 27/12/2020 00:53

MIL agreed 3.30 was fine for dinner.

Fine for eating dinner or fine to start cooking dinner?

BillysMyBunny · 27/12/2020 00:53

Where was your DH and DSS during the time you were with your family?

AcornAutumn · 27/12/2020 00:58

14 children??😱😱😱😱

Actually, maybe the stress of being one of 14 got to her?

AnneOfQueenSables · 27/12/2020 00:59

Who cooked last year? Because if SIL cooked then the expectation is that whoever brings dinner also cooks. You brought dinner then left seemingly expecting your DH to cook but knowing your MIL wouldn't let that happen. If you were making a passive-aggressive point about your DH stepping up then well done. But Christmas is the wrong time to do it.

StrawberryTot · 27/12/2020 01:02

I’m sorry but I’m not sure at what point you cried with your opening post.

Wheresmykimchi · 27/12/2020 01:03

Sorry - 14?!