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AIBU?

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Original poster

SIL made me cry on Christmas Day

161 replies

Knottedstomach11 · 27/12/2020 00:26

I will NC after this as it is very outing.

We always have Christmas dinner in PIL but this year we decided to spend a few days staying in MIL’s. It is the first Christmas since FIL passed away this year so we didn’t want MIL to be alone.
I have two very young DC so this was quite an effort. I also bought all of the Christmas dinner - also effor as one DC is severely disabled. In short it was not fun for me in the week running up to Christmas.

SIL is single so also comes over for Christmas dinner. She is very difficult character at the best of times and talks, talks, talks.

Ok Christmas Eve SIL came over to prep veg. I did offer to do it the next morning and there was only 5 of us for dinner. We had a group discussion about dinner the next day and I said I would be leaving to visit my family at 12.30 but would be back by 3.30 for dinner.

On Christmas Day I got back to MIL at 3ish and saw SIL in the kitchen. I offered to help when she started shouting at me. Said that I shouldn’t have left MIL alone, I should have stayed to cook the Christmas dinner, my help was not needed now but at 1pm.

I walked out of the room as I was so shocked.

My MIL is lovely and has 14 children - why is it up to me to spend Christmas with her & not one of her own children? I had said to DH and DSS that they should stay with MIL while I visited my family. They both said MIL wanted time to herself.

OP posts:
mumda · 28/12/2020 18:55

2 of the 14 were there after the cooking had been done.
Covid rules means no other children could have turned up.
I'm still not sure why everyone disappeared off seeing other people though.

Three households wasn't a partial mix and match throughout the day.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 28/12/2020 19:04

@kursaalflyer

Gosh, I wish there was a sticky option so op could post I AM NOT IN THE UK
Amen to that!!!
winniestone37 · 28/12/2020 19:09

Blimey! People are horrible. You’ve done nothing wrong and your SIL sounds spoilt and entitled. Single people are often tremendously entitled I’ve found lately. I have a disabled child and mother with dementia and we did Xmas after moving 5 hours away 3 weeks ago we did Xmas. Encountered similar.

Original poster
Knottedstomach11 · 28/12/2020 19:17

@mumda the English queen gave our family permission to do as we please on Christmas Day.

WE DO NOT LIVE IN THE UK

OP posts:
Penguinmuma · 28/12/2020 19:19

Your DH should've helped & why didn't he tell her off for shouting at you my DH would not stand for that. He helps out all the time his mum would tell him off if he didn't. Men & women are equals in our families. You should speak to her & tell her to never ever speak to you like that again, it's childish disrespectful & rude. It's her mum not yours so she should make the effort or one of her 13 siblings.

Bourbonbiccy · 28/12/2020 19:22

You are absolutely not being unreasonable.

If the mother was feeling lonely she should have raised it herself, with her own family, SIL had no place commenting on this,

LilMidge01 · 28/12/2020 19:41

I know this isn't really the point but.... you, DH and DCs presumably are MILs support bubble as she is on her own.... SIL also comes round and goes to an 'event' in the morning (?!). You also then visit your folks in the afternoon (presumably with DCs)..... even if no-one has 'technically' done anything wrong, this does make me realise why this pandemic is proving so difficult to control.....sigh.

LilMidge01 · 28/12/2020 19:43

Also have seen the comment that you're not in the UK... so what? This s ia global pandemic...just because you can 'technically' do something doesnt necessarily mean you should...

kursaalflyer · 28/12/2020 19:44

I think I'm actually going to SCREAM if one more person cba to rtft...

bemusedmoose · 28/12/2020 20:01

but she wasnt on her own - her son and daughter were there!! Or was that SILs issue - she was there and had to bloody do something!! Sounds like SIL is another spoilt brat throwing a tantrum. She had to prep some food and talk to her family - big whoop!! I do christmas for me, mum and my kids every year single handed.

You deserved to pop over to your family and without her having a melt down. You were out for 2 hours - that's pretty quick! You provided all the food too. I assume she just had to bung it in the oven or did MIL do that?

Single people dont realise how much people with kids and in laws have to juggle, but even so - she is way over the top!

lyralalala · 28/12/2020 20:08

@LilMidge01

Also have seen the comment that you're not in the UK... so what? This s ia global pandemic...just because you can 'technically' do something doesnt necessarily mean you should...
The ego on you

As if you should decide more than someone’s own government what should and shouldn’t be acceptable in their country atm

Wheresmykimchi · 28/12/2020 21:14

Lil Midge what?! What a bizarre post. So even though they don't have restrictions they should follow them just because we do?

HTH1 · 28/12/2020 23:10

I’m going to go against the grain here and say YWBU. You left newly widowed MIL alone (and to do the cooking) for several hours during absolute prime time on Christmas Day and that then meant that you all ate Christmas lunch (dinner?) at an odd non-meal time.

If just the veg needed cooking, all prep could have been done the night before and you should have gone to your DM in the morning and been back by 1pm like SIL.

However, MIL has a lot of children and it should next be your turn in around 15 years.

Celestine70 · 28/12/2020 23:13

You didn't do anything wrong. SIL sounds spoilt.

FunTimes2020 · 28/12/2020 23:15

@StillCoughingandLaughing

How did she ‘make’ you cry?
Don't be bitchy Hmm
EKGEMS · 28/12/2020 23:24

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

GrumpyHoonMain · 28/12/2020 23:36

[quote Knottedstomach11]@MrsMiaWallis we are not in the UK & don’t have tiers. The rules of our country were respected.
@Natsel84 I think I was in shock. I was very tired & a bit stressed too trying to get DD down for a nap, DS changed & fed before I could have dinner. I won’t take it off of her again though.

I agree with PP DH should have cooked & prepared the food. He said he offered but MIL refused. I believe this as she doesn’t let her sons do anything in the kitchen .[/quote]
I think considering your fil died and you spent the last 6 years enjoying your pil’s christmas day hospitality you should have prioritised your mil and either skipped the visit to your parents this year or did it later. As you said you’re not in the UK so you could have gone another day to visit your family

StillCoughingandLaughing · 28/12/2020 23:48

@StillCoughingandLaughing She probably read your history of rude posts

What the fuck is this supposed to mean? If you’ve got something to say, say it outright. Otherwise keep your beak out.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 29/12/2020 00:04

Don't be bitchy Hmm

Right back at you.

excuseforfights · 29/12/2020 00:11

@StillCoughingandLaughing

How did she ‘make’ you cry?
Make-someone-cry meaning:

To willfully cause someone to cry, usually after berating or yelling at him/her intensely.
The young woman's boss was stern and old-school, and he was out to make her cry after refusing to tolerate her mistakes.

www.yourdictionary.com/make-someone-cry

RAOK · 29/12/2020 00:16

I can’t get past the 14 children either. Yes to you not having to take your turn for another 15 years 😉

Original poster
Knottedstomach11 · 29/12/2020 00:16

@GrumpyHoonMain I didn’t want to leave MIL alone at all over Christmas. It was a huge effort to bring 3 DC to her house for 2 nights, including Santa visiting there.
SIL visited on Christmas Eve and we had a group discussion about dinner time. MIL usually eats at 2pm. SIL was at an event at 10am & would be back to cook veg by 1pm. I was leaving with DC at 12.30 and back by 3.30 at the latest. That left MIL with 30 mins to herself to visit the nearby graveyard.
To me this was all agreed.

DH should have stayed and went to the grave with MIL. But that’s not my business as apparently they had a discussion

Yet it turned into I should never have left and stayed to cook the dinner.

It also wasn’t only my DM I was visiting but all of my small family. We always meet for a few hours on Christmas to let the kids play together and open gifts. I would never miss this. It’s the best part.

OP posts:
Original poster
Knottedstomach11 · 29/12/2020 00:19

@RAOK that’s true, in 13 more years I might be able to deal with SIL!!

I’m so used to the large DH family it’s not even strange to me now.

OP posts:
StillCoughingandLaughing · 29/12/2020 00:23

To willfully cause someone to cry, usually after berating or yelling at him/her intensely.

You can TRY to make someone cry.

purplebunny2012 · 29/12/2020 01:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.