DMIL gave me ‘vegan’ brownies and DC is CMPA!!

[FTEngineerM]

I am raging, DCs face flared up yesterday evening and we were wondering why.

We have prescribed creams from GP hydrocortisone and moisturisers both in the bath and normal.

DMIL said ‘ I’ve bought you brownies from a vegan place you can have them
With the vegan ice cream I got you’ as our Christmas dessert.

Today we brought the box home as she was looking after dc for the night. They have milk in them!!!!! I’ve had 6 small brownies, tried to be sick but only a tiny bit came up.

No wonder his face is flaring up. I feel terrible for not checking, I trusted her. He will suffer now. How can I trust anything they do ever again.

There's a lot of comments on here from people who clearly have never properly experienced food allergies.

It's exhausting and stressful and that's on top of the normal exhaustion and stress of breastfeeding a baby.

It will get easier OP. Double checking what others do and asserting yourself when others aren't taking it seriously enough, will in time, become second nature.

So, mil made a mistake ordering the wrong brownies after making an effort to buy the right thing, you made a mistake by not checking yourself. Lessons learned all round , nobody did anything maliciously and everyone will be more careful in future. Hope DS will be well again soon and this will be forgotten about other than as a good lesson for the future

Always check op
This is your responsibility

God she tried really hard to do a nice thing and you're raging, saying you can't trust her ever again.

If you've only just found out that your baby has CPMA I'm guessing that you've been exposing him to milk via your diet since birth? I understand it's upsetting but this is new to her as well as you.

FWIW I have a child with food allergies and I also have them. They're unpleasant but you get better at dealing with them, particularly if they're not life threatening.

I hope your baby grows out if it - most of them do.

I’m sorry OP, but it happens! It was a mistake. Hopefully everyone has learnt from it and will be more careful moving forward

I’m 35 and allergic to peanuts. Have been since I was a child. Last year my mum served me some kind of Thai sauce which definitely contained them. She got mixed up with one that she’d bought that was peanut free. People make mistakes. It wasn’t intentional.

My DS has allergies and I’ve made mistakes before. You do just get used to checking. Dairy is really hard though. Hope your baby is feeling better soon

@Lindy2 where did you derive that from?

I didn't mention in my comment (for instance) but both my children have severe allergies to cow's milk and egg and nuts among other things.

I've never taken friends/family's words for it, or even a cafe or similar. I need to see the ingredients/speak to the chef or they aren't eating it. And I know that still doesn't eliminate the risk entirely.

Dh and I double check packets for each other as well.

She made a genuine mistake. I double check every single thing my children are given, it annoys some people but you have to act as that barrier between potentially unsafe food and your child. You have my sympathy, and don't let this upset you, it's a step learning curve

• steep learning curve even

It’s not the end of the world we have allergies and my son has anaphylaxis reaction to dairy . If it’s not that ! then it’s a pain but it’s once a year and least they tried . This could have been genuine error 😬 my sister used to feed my son chocolate to cure him 🤷🏼‍♀️

Face flare up is not the same as anaphylaxis 😳

I think you are being a little dramatic. It was clearly a mistake and given that it affects your son in the form of a rash (that’s what it sounds like from your post anyway) then it’s not the end of the world. My son had CMPA from birth and literally projectile vomited as a result. As long as it isn’t affecting their breathing then it is worth challenging it by giving them a little every so often and they will in most cases build up a tolerance. My son was sick practically daily for about 2 years, but as a result is now 14 and able to eat/drink everything with no problem whatsoever.

I'm unfortunately 6 years in to CMPA. I understand your upset but don't direct it at your MIL. Maybe she trusted what she was told, just like you did. She didn't do.it deliberately, neither did you. This will happen again, time after time,...in parties, with relatives, at nursery and school. If you didn't cook it, check it is the best thing I can advise you

I hope your DC isn't suffering too badly op. I understand completely why you tried to make yourself sick as did I once when dc4 was a cmpa baby. I'd convinced myself that once would be ok then felt soo guilty I tried to ring the food back up.
Are you under the care of a peadatrician? I suppose if DC is only 6 months it'll be a while before they'll advise you on the milk ladder.

It was a mistake and you're massively over reacting to your MIL's part in it. What a horrible reaction to a mistake.

I agree with pp, I don't think it was Mils fault. She brought them from a vegan shop, so assumed they were dairy free. Blame the shop if it was definitely the browniesthatmade him I'll.

Sorry have realised they weren't from a vegan shop. I still think it was a mistake though.

@FTEngineerM

unless there is some wild back story here, yeah, there’s not I suppose just trust.

I’m new to cmpa and taking sacrifices for weeks to be ruined inadvertently is so infuriating

I feel you with this. DS had CMPA (he’s now outgrown it but still doesn’t like dairy) and when you’ve avoided all the foods checked and doubled checked having someone feed your child dairy is frustrating. Especially when they don’t deal with the fall out, it felt like I didn’t sleep for a year when he was tiny.

You don’t say how old the child is and is there any chance they ate some other food or chocolates without you noticing. Always lots of treats on display at Christmas. Maybe be kind and give the family the benefit of the doubt as mistakes happen.

My baby was allergic to cows milk and eggs. Had a couple of hospital visits with him so pretty serious. The amount of milk in brownies is minimal if he’s only getting it via breast milk - you need to calm down. The hospital visits were only when he ate it directly. Give him some piriton. Your MIL made a genuine mistake. Guessing this is a previous first born post. Also lesson learnt - you need to read all packets yourself. Unfortunately milk finds its way into the most unlikely things.

[quote Ilovenewyear]@Goldencurtain the OP is bf. It will take weeks, maybe months to leave her system. The OP is following a special diet to try and prevent a flare of this nature.
The skin will be flaring but her child will no doubt be suffering tummy ache, lose stools and other physical symptoms.
It’s very rare to prescribe a stronger steroid for a baby. “Only hydrocortisone” is a heartless thing to say. Have you ever had to deal with a baby during a flare? Especially on their face. Jesus. They can’t sleep. They scratch and cause bleeding. They cry in pain and discomfort.

PFB indeed. You should be ashamed.[/quote]
My child is on hydrocortisone and moisturiser which is exactly why I know it's not a big deal.

Only really repeating what lots of other people have said - but really only because you need badly need perspective. Mistakes will happen, sometimes by you. My first child was allergic to eggs, nuts, peanuts, legumes and lentils. I had to cut out all egg as I breastfed him for two years. So I do totally get the frustration and weight of responsibility on you.

He’s 8 and up until a few months ago, he’d never even had nuts, even though he’s severely allergic to them. Up until recently we didn’t really know what an actual nut reaction would be because he’d never ingested them. Then one night we offered pizza and I included some god awful desert of chocolate over pizza base. It looked gross and none of us had any, and it got shoved into the fridge. The next morning, I took our girls out to a class and when I got home, I could see immediately DS was having an allergic reaction. He quickly went into anaphylaxis with shortness of breath, and blue swollen lips. I had to use his Epi pen (that we’d always just had prescribed but never used because WE WERE SO CAREFUL at checking all food he got given), and he was blue lighted to hospital.

It turns out in a moment of not thinking, DS had asked DH for a bite of the chocolate pizza thing and DH had said yes and neither had thought what kind of chocolate might be on it. Turns out it was Nutella. DS had about two bites before feeling very unwell. DH was in the shower when I got home and didn’t know that our son was quickly going into shock. It was literally just the timing of me going home and seeing DS and immediately seeing something was very wrong.

It was a complete lapse. Total complacency. For 8 years we had checked and checked everything DS had and taught DS to ask other adults to check for him. We were all so diligent about it. Do I blame DH? Absolutely not. Could easily have happened on my watch at any time. DH felt terrible for months but what can you do? Just thank god we have epi pens and Piriton and hope to never make w mistake like that again.

I can imagine how it happened with your MIL. She finds a place with vegan options and thinks this will cover the allergy issue but doesn’t connect the dots to take the next step to actually check the product itself. It can happen so easily.

You should have checked the ingredients yourself. If she's tried to buy vegan you really cant be mad at her, it is a minefield, I've been reading ingredients for years and still miss things sometimes. I wouldn't expect anyone else to be able to do it, I would always check for myself.

Just wanted to say I totally understand where you’re coming from. My first was CMPA and I quit all dairy and soya for his first year for BF. The diet takes over, the stuff is in bloody everything! And I’d have been well peeved if my mum or mil had inadvertently ‘spiked’ me, esp given the air of superiority it sounds like your mil likes to exude. But they’d have also felt like absolute shit for it, which I’m guessing your mil does too, so I suppose chalking it up to experience like you are doing is the best and only thing you really can do in this instance. Hope your little one has got it out of his system now.

@goldencurtain agree with you, hydrocortisone seems to be the first (and weakest) steroid the doctor offers so yes not big deal (Although ime isn't really effective)

I’m vegan, and I’ve slowly learnt most people genuinely don’t know what vegan or plant based diet means. Wether it’s for personal or medical reasons the only way to be sure is to check everything yourself. If your child is being cared for whilst you are not there, then the best thing to do is provide ALL food and snacks before hand. Sometimes sitting down and explaining what a vegan diet is and why you are doing it doesn’t help, people nod and agree but in practice still cannot grasp the concept of animal free food and checking ingredients carefully. It’s very tiring at times. You should definitely say something and you have every right to be cross, but from now on you can only be 100% certain by preparing your own food, and always always always check the labels even if you have been “assured” it’s vegan.... it’s probably not.