Is it a British thing to think that bragging about your ‘advanced’ child is crass?

[Anon778833]

You get people who say nothing about their child’s achievements. And then suddenly at 18, oh it turns out he’s oxbridge material. So they literally act like they knew nothing about it!

Then on the other end of the scale are people who brag about how many words their 1 year old has. But I think the U.K. has less of these! Thoughts?

My upper-middle class friends never really discuss their kids - it really is a middle-class pastime.

Sorry, I think I misread your post and thought that it had a class aspect. I can see it doesn't.

Ah so it’s a class thing?

I think it's a really tedious middle-class thing.

I suspect it is across all classes and just dependent on who you mix with.

Possibly a class thing, but also possibly a reflection of their own (lack of) achievements?

My sister brags about her som’s achievements, but despite being fairly clever she chose a dropout boyfriend and shortly became a dropout herself, left school with a bunch of E grades and has worked minimum wage jobs ever since. While the bragging grates, I think she is just trying to compensate for her own lack of success so try to overlook it.

Your language is very loaded.

"Bragging" about anything is crass. And it's nothing to do with class. (And tbh, in all my years both as a Brit (55) and on MN (almost 20) MN is far more obsessed about the UK being the obsessed about class than the UK actually is)

I find there are far more people who think their small children are uniquely intelligent and advanced tbh. Maybe once they've got over their embarrassment at thinking that, they don't then go on about Oxbridge entry.

Upper middle class not so much because it doesn't matter as much. They have options, businesses and connections. Middle class, yes it matters, it shouldn't but it does because it's a measure of status. I came from middle class background and my boyfriend's were assessed by their intelligence, education and career prospects before anything else. It was horrible! I will not be doing it.

Britain celebrates mediocrity. It’s why Boris got voted in: “oh, he’s such a buffoon, but he makes me laugh”.

It’s why successful people (particularly those who have risen above their original class) are knocked down.

It’s why I used to come home every day from school in tears wishing I’d done worse in tests.

The state system does not reward academic prowess. It attempts to knock down the brightest.
My daughter is bright. I’m so proud of her. But I don’t breathe a word of it to anyone. I don’t want any suggestion of bragging rubbing off on her and her then getting bullied for it.

I still think it's unnecessary and not needed.

I brag about my children all the time. They both have additional needs so yes I will absolutely shout from the roof tops when one of them achieves something they have struggled so much to achieve.

Every parent is allowed to shout about their child. No one makes you read it.

@ChazP

Britain celebrates mediocrity. It’s why Boris got voted in: “oh, he’s such a buffoon, but he makes me laugh”.

It’s why successful people (particularly those who have risen above their original class) are knocked down.

It’s why I used to come home every day from school in tears wishing I’d done worse in tests.

The state system does not reward academic prowess. It attempts to knock down the brightest.
My daughter is bright. I’m so proud of her. But I don’t breathe a word of it to anyone. I don’t want any suggestion of bragging rubbing off on her and her then getting bullied for it.

I don't think this is quite right.

You can raise your children to be ambitious without it leaking into your social sphere. Why should it?

You’re right.

People love to brag about their sporty kids’ achievements, but if someone brags about their child being clever it’s social suicide*.

I think it’s something to do with sporting success being considered the result of work and sacrifice, whereas intellect is just inborn.

• Having said all that, I cringe when I see people bragging about their brainy kids, but I’m a product of my upbringing 😆

Brits don’t brag really about anything, we’re very much a self deprecating society, it’s why we make the best comedy shows.

I know my dc have Oxbridge potential. I wouldn’t say so (or mention their academic achievements unless asked) to anyone except the grandparents, but equally I met DH at Oxford, so anyone who knows us well would guess that it was at least on our radar. I would hate to be seen as boasty, though I do privately delight in how they’re developing into interesting and intelligent people. I know lots on MN would say kindness and emotional intelligence matter more - I think they’re important but academic achievement is also a good thing. Just less socially acceptable, so I downplay it hugely.

Interesting about sports being more acceptable @Haworthia - I think you are onto something there, though I dare say some find sports stuff to be bragging.

I don't think I know anyone who brags - DH's cousins (not in UK) crow their kids' achievements and I think it's rather happy making. Their daughter is clearly an amazingly good artist and has won lots of competitions etc - they've got the talent/put in the effort and that's great.

It won’t stop my ambition for her. She knows how proud we are of her and that we expect her to do the best she can academically. But as a PP said, if she’d done amazingly well with sport, art or music, I’d shout it from the rooftops. But I don’t share with anyone other than immediate family how she’s top set science, or aced her latest maths test, or anything else to do with academic achievement.

It's about your baseline too - both DH and I went to oxbridge so we sort of naturally assume our kids can and will if they want. Never particularly thought that they wouldn't be "bright enough", or not the right "material" t's more about whether they can be interested enough/disciplined enough to put the effort in and if they're lucky enough to get the grades at the right times and strike the right note in the interviews. So it's not something I'd brag about - I suppose a very sporty family where they all run 5 miles every morning wouldn't think anything of that either?

@Mumofsend

I brag about my children all the time. They both have additional needs so yes I will absolutely shout from the roof tops when one of them achieves something they have struggled so much to achieve.

Every parent is allowed to shout about their child. No one makes you read it.

Me too, both dc’s have sn’s, both achieve in different ways, one is working towards oxbridge (if she gets her predictive grades), I brag because she works bloody hard and faces many challenges.

My DCs are both quite behind academically. My DD in particular now and my DS used to be but has made strides recently.
Both of them have had children they know asking them what book band they are on, loudly, in public. DS didn't know he was 4 book bands behind his friend from nursery (she knew her colour and number, he didn't). DD is painfully aware and tells me what band her friends are on at school.
I really would prefer that adults not rub this in too.

Are there cultures where bragging about your child is not crass? Surely bragging is crass by its very definition?

Most parents who brag about their kids are showing off/making a statement about how their kids are better than anyone else's and/or how their superior parenting skills have produced a child who is superior to the children of less amazing parents. So bragging about your children's achievements is meant to make you feel better and everyone else a bit worse. Most Brits still have "manners" in the truest form of the word - ie that you don't do something that will make others feel bad/awkward so bragging is not something they would do.

I find people think it's fine for them to 'tell' you about their children's achievements but they don't like it when you 'boast' about your children's achievments.
I'm quite happy to hear about anyone doing well whatever their age -unless they've achieved it at the expense of others.

The definition of bragging is to be boastful, showing excessive pride and a sense of superiority. So I'd imagine it's considered crass in most places.

It might not just be a British thing, maybe some parents in other Countries do the same thing, if they are that way inclined, but never the less,it is all very boring and tedious to hear this bragging etc.