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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My DC got nothing from their siblings..

485 replies

Pip899 · 26/12/2020 15:30

I have two children with DH age 2 and 3, DH also has two older children with his ex ages 8 and 9. The children have a lovely relationship with each other and the older ones dote on the youngest two.

For Christmas I bought the DSC gifts from me and also gifts 'from' my two. Buying 'from' the kids is something DH has always done but most importantly (because it's relevant) it is something his ex has always done too, for other people on behalf of the kids.

DSC arrived today to spend the night with us and have a second Christmas of sorts, they had a big pile of presents waiting for them with at least 5 being labelled as being from my DC.

DSC brought with them a present for DH that their mum gave them the money to buy - but nothing for my two DC.

I have no hard feelings toward the children whatsoever, they don't have money, I feel like this is their mother being petty.

AIBU to think this is almost spiteful?

It's the principle of the matter, even a chocolate bar would have been a nice gesture so it's not me being grabby.

OP posts:
purplecorkheart · 26/12/2020 15:53

You are missing the point. Your children have nothing to do with her. The children from school are her children's friends. Your dh's sister is her ex sister in law. Your DH should have stepped up and got the gift
You are being very unreasonable with you silent f you. You are connected with your dh kids through him.

RicStar · 26/12/2020 15:53

Good for taking comments on board op. Next time I would hold back any presents labelled as from the older kids to give to the little ones when the older ones are there - then they will have a present at the same time as dh, if you like dh can also organise a gift for you from kids at same time.

Honeyroar · 26/12/2020 15:53

You are your DSC’s relative. You see them regularly- that doesn’t work the other way round for their mother. Your children are no relation to her and she shouldn’t be responsible for buying your children presents. Your husband is 100% responsible for this if you want your small children to give each other gifts. You need to discuss this with him for next year.

LittleMissLockdown · 26/12/2020 15:54

I'm probably being overly sensitive, as is usually the case there is something of a backstory (on several occasions there has been not so subtle 'fuck you' jibes toward my DC)

Im honestly now wondering if these not so subtle jibes and fuck yous have actually been imagined. Based on your reaction to this incident these past incidents might not have been slights against your children.

titchy · 26/12/2020 15:54

Just because you do his wife work for him doesn't mean his ex should as well! Quite ast

IWantT0BreakFree · 26/12/2020 15:54

Wtf. This 100%, without any shadow of a doubt, your husband's responsibility and nothing to do with his ex wife at all. Your children are yours, and they are connected to her children through your husband. She has absolutely no connection to them whatsoever and it's bang out of order that you have any expectations of her in this regard.
The fact that she facilitates gifts from her DC to their school friends is irrelevant; they are her children's friends. They have a connection to her via her kids. Your kids have no connection to her. Your kids' relationship with her children is via their dad, who should have sorted this whole thing out if sibling presents is "a thing" for you (it's definitely not in all families). Likewise, the gift to your husband's aunt is probably because she is fond of the aunt and they have shared a relationship for many years previously. She doesn't know your kids at all and she doesn't owe them anything.

titchy · 26/12/2020 15:54

...astonishing you think it's still her job tbh!

ArtieFufkinPolymerRecords · 26/12/2020 15:55

I'm sure if their mother had a second family with another man, she would happily buy presents for all of her children to give to each other, if she wanted an exchange of gifts between siblings. Why was your husband happy for only the children from his second marriage to have gifts provided for them to exchange?

SacreBleeeurgh · 26/12/2020 15:56

@Mdmd

But you’re connected to the DSC coz you’re with their dad.

She’s not. Your children are absolutely nothing to do with her.

This. This was their dad’s responsibility to sort and the blame lies with him, not the ex.
SilverBirchWithout · 26/12/2020 15:57

They are your step children. Your children are not Ex’s step children.
This is something your DH should have organised.

MacDuffsMuff · 26/12/2020 15:57

@Pip899

The reason I think it's a silent "fuck you" is because she's happy to do it for other people, SDC school friends, DSC aunt on DH's side etc.

If she didn't regularly do the above then I wouldn't have thought anything of it as I know it's not her responsibility

How on earth would you know who she actually buys gifts for? This is absolutely nothing to do with her and everything to do with your DH. You just want something to moan at your DH's ex about.
m0therofdragons · 26/12/2020 15:57

Why on Earth would ex buy gifts for your dc from her dc? She probably expected her ex h to sort that. Buying gifts for dc friends is totally different to buying for step siblings. That’s totally down to the dad. People have absolutely bonkers expectations on mn.

Sn0tnose · 26/12/2020 15:57

DH did label some of my DC's presents as being from SDC, it was just a bit disheartening seeing them come in and give DH a present whilst my two are sat there wondering if they have one too. Particularly my 3 year old.

Then you should tell your husband that he’s lazy, selfish and inconsiderate and that you’re really annoyed with him for making your 3 year old feel like that.

His ex wife owes your children no more than the bloke who lives two miles up the road.

Mdmd · 26/12/2020 15:57

Why didn’t your husband sort it?

Fedup21 · 26/12/2020 15:58

@Pip899

Ok i see your points, thank you.

I'm probably being overly sensitive, as is usually the case there is something of a backstory (on several occasions there has been not so subtle 'fuck you' jibes toward my DC)

DH did label some of my DC's presents as being from SDC, it was just a bit disheartening seeing them come in and give DH a present whilst my two are sat there wondering if they have one too. Particularly my 3 year old.

So, @Pip899 what did your DH say when you said...

‘DH, you’ve always bought presents for your younger children from your older children, why didn’t you do that this year?’

Original poster
Pip899 · 26/12/2020 15:58

I've accepted that I'm wrong in this case, thank you.

The previous 'fuck you' (s) toward my children were definitely not imagined, and so because of that I've probably over thought this case in point.

OP posts:
goldielockdown2 · 26/12/2020 15:59

This has never been the norm for me so I vote YABU.
It would be a cute thing for your DH to have organised, but not expected.
It smacks of giving to receive.

Babyroobs · 26/12/2020 15:59

I can see why his ex would not want to buy presents for your kids as well as your dh.

Mdmd · 26/12/2020 15:59

What were the previous fuck yous?

Lookslikerainted · 26/12/2020 15:59

Yep your DH should have done it

saraclara · 26/12/2020 15:59

Sounds like you think that present buying is women's work, OP. It isn't. Men are perfectly capable of it you know.

This was so absolutely not his ex's responsibility. Good grief.

SleepingStandingUp · 26/12/2020 16:00

@Pip899

I see where people are coming from, but it wouldn't hurt her to spare a quid or two for selection boxes or a bar of chocolate surely?

It has never occurred to me not to buy something myself, to pass on to the DSC as it were from my DC.

Well why isn't their Dad doing it birth ways? He's worried isn't he, expecting both mother's to pay for and organise presents for his own
R2G · 26/12/2020 16:00

I don't think the children need to buy each other gifts. If they all lived together I don't think they would buy each other gifts. I don't think the mum is being petty she has given them a gift to bring for their dad. If you guys want to do sibling gifts they are his/your children too that would be for you guys to buy and wrap, just lots more expense but on the mother and unnecessary. I saw you mention she funds gifts for school friends, even more reason throughout the year she will be buying all sorts of gifts teacher present too etc. Do the kids give siblings a birthday gift?

CherryPavlova · 26/12/2020 16:01

They are small children I can't see why there would be any expectations that they purchased gifts or anyone pretended they did.

SusannahSophia · 26/12/2020 16:01

Did you buy presents for your own DC to give to each other? We didn’t do that as a family. I have never once even considered buying my exH’s stepson from his new wife any sort of present. That would be weird.