My DC got nothing from their siblings..

[Pip899]

I have two children with DH age 2 and 3, DH also has two older children with his ex ages 8 and 9. The children have a lovely relationship with each other and the older ones dote on the youngest two.

For Christmas I bought the DSC gifts from me and also gifts 'from' my two. Buying 'from' the kids is something DH has always done but most importantly (because it's relevant) it is something his ex has always done too, for other people on behalf of the kids.

DSC arrived today to spend the night with us and have a second Christmas of sorts, they had a big pile of presents waiting for them with at least 5 being labelled as being from my DC.

DSC brought with them a present for DH that their mum gave them the money to buy - but nothing for my two DC.

I have no hard feelings toward the children whatsoever, they don't have money, I feel like this is their mother being petty.

AIBU to think this is almost spiteful?

It's the principle of the matter, even a chocolate bar would have been a nice gesture so it's not me being grabby.

@Pip899

The reason I think it's a silent "fuck you" is because she's happy to do it for other people, SDC school friends, DSC aunt on DH's side etc.

If she didn't regularly do the above then I wouldn't have thought anything of it as I know it's not her responsibility

So...

Her kids friends. Who she probably has round for play dates, sees at the schools gates etc.

Her kids actual biological aunt who her kids and her have a relationship with.

She has a connection to these people!

It’s not spiteful of her to buy presents for kids she has no connection to. It’s utterly utterly normal.

And maybe she thought their actual father should do it.

YABVU

I voted YANBU but it totally depends on what has happened previously, your children only being 2 and 3 this is only a few years.

In our situation I have a ds (17) with ex and I have a dd (9) with my dp.
Ex has a 5yr old ds with his wife and we do buy gifts but tend to send them from all 4 of us rather than just ds.

It’s a tough one. I find it a bit weird though that you buy them separate presents. I would have thought that DSC presents would be from “dad and “your name” and then separate ones from the little ones?

Don’t take it to heart though. Your dc are too little to understand the complexities of who buys for who.

I genuinely can't see how you're still putting this on the ex. No, she shouldn't have to spend a quid or two on chocolate for your kids. Your "dear" husband should have taken his older kids shopping for something for his younger kids, if your family is that way inclined. This is literally nothing to do with the ex. If you were so bothered you could have got some selection boxes for your step kids to give to their younger siblings.

So you think it’s the job of your husband’s ex wife to buy gifts for your children on behalf of your step children? You don’t think that that’s the job of your husband?

Did you think it was your job to take your step children shopping to buy gifts for their mum? Would it be your job to take them shopping if their mum has any more children?

She has no relationship with your children. When did she last take them to the park? The cinema? Have them sleepover?

So you still believe it’s such a silent “fuck you” only you can hear it? If so, how does she know you so well? Was she your friend before the two of you got together?

She probably knew the aunt before and had a relationship with her. My dbro's exw is closer to our aunt than my dbro and I are, because they are like peas in a pod.

The school friends are on her watch if she takes them to school and she is part of that school community. Your dcs are not anything to do with her. It isn't a silent fuck you at all. Are you looking for a reason to be offended?

It's nothing to do with their mother , the dad should have sorted this out

YABU.

Another DH who just shrugs at things which are his responsibility.

Your DH is the common link between the children, not her!

New wife blames ex wife for husband's failings.

Seriously, YABVU, your children are nothing to do with her, the fact she buys presents for her children's friends is absolutely irrelevant, I presume you're referring to their friends whose birthday parties they might be attending.

If your family tends to do this (we never did) then it's on your DH, and you as presumably there would have been some dialogue along the lines of "don't buy our kids playdough from your kids, I've got some for their Christmas stockings".

YABU - her buying gifts for her kids friends is different. She has nothing to do with your DC. Your DH should get this done.

Why would it be the step mothers responsibility? It's your dh's responsibility. Although I find it odd that the siblings buy for each other at that age anyway.

DH should take his children shopping to buy presents for the younger siblings & also for their Mum. Did he give them money to buy her a gift? Did he get you gifts from your DC?

I think you're taking it out on the wrong person here.

Why are you sorting out gifts for the step children? That falls to him too.

It has never occurred to me not to buy something myself, to pass on to the DSC as it were from my DC.

I actually think that's more odd than expecting children of this age to "buy" presents for each other.
My own DC didn't buy each other presents until they were old enough to go to the shops by themselves and had their own money to spend. If these children all lived together 100% of the time, they wouldn't be buying each other gifts!

Perhaps she caught herself on and realised she was doing the wife work for a man she was no longer the wife of.

It was entirely his job to buy his DC gifts from each other.

Ok i see your points, thank you.

I'm probably being overly sensitive, as is usually the case there is something of a backstory (on several occasions there has been not so subtle 'fuck you' jibes toward my DC)

DH did label some of my DC's presents as being from SDC, it was just a bit disheartening seeing them come in and give DH a present whilst my two are sat there wondering if they have one too. Particularly my 3 year old.

This is the responsibility and fault of your DH. I don't understand how you think otherwise.

Sounds like your dh thinks buying presents etc is women's work. Probably next year it will be you buying presents from your sdc to your dc unless you any something now.

Of course you buy for his kids, you are their stepmother. His ex has nothing to do with your children. I am a stepchild, my mother is my step siblings step mother and took on a motherly role when they where with us, my step siblings mother didn't even know me so buying me gifts would have been weird. Your situation is the same.

@Pip899

Ok i see your points, thank you.

I'm probably being overly sensitive, as is usually the case there is something of a backstory (on several occasions there has been not so subtle 'fuck you' jibes toward my DC)

DH did label some of my DC's presents as being from SDC, it was just a bit disheartening seeing them come in and give DH a present whilst my two are sat there wondering if they have one too. Particularly my 3 year old.

That must have been a bit sad for your 3yo. Shame your DH didn't sort any presents isn't it? Be angry with him. You don't need any sort of feud imaginary or otherwise with a woman who really doesn't need to have anything much to do with you or your dcs.

DH did label some of my DC's presents as being from SDC

So they did actually get presents from their siblings. You just don't like the fact you / DH had to buy them.

You're not her friend; you're married to her ex.

Your DH is the father of all 4 children; he needs to facilitate gift giving amongst the two sets of children if that's what you want. it's not their mother's job.

I find it bizarre that you think your dhs ex should be getting your and dhs children presents. The difference between what you’re doing and what she hasn’t is that they’re your dhs children - yours don’t belong to her!

Very much in agreement that this is something your dh should do, or none of you should bother at all.

"DH did label some of my DC's presents as being from SDC, it was just a bit disheartening seeing them come in and give DH a present whilst my two are sat there wondering if they have one too. Particularly my 3 year old."

Then you both should have kept the presents you labelled from your DSC back until today so your children weren't left out 👀