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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My DC got nothing from their siblings..

485 replies

Pip899 · 26/12/2020 15:30

I have two children with DH age 2 and 3, DH also has two older children with his ex ages 8 and 9. The children have a lovely relationship with each other and the older ones dote on the youngest two.

For Christmas I bought the DSC gifts from me and also gifts 'from' my two. Buying 'from' the kids is something DH has always done but most importantly (because it's relevant) it is something his ex has always done too, for other people on behalf of the kids.

DSC arrived today to spend the night with us and have a second Christmas of sorts, they had a big pile of presents waiting for them with at least 5 being labelled as being from my DC.

DSC brought with them a present for DH that their mum gave them the money to buy - but nothing for my two DC.

I have no hard feelings toward the children whatsoever, they don't have money, I feel like this is their mother being petty.

AIBU to think this is almost spiteful?

It's the principle of the matter, even a chocolate bar would have been a nice gesture so it's not me being grabby.

OP posts:
chaosmaker · 28/12/2020 01:17

@Pip899

Ok i see your points, thank you.

I'm probably being overly sensitive, as is usually the case there is something of a backstory (on several occasions there has been not so subtle 'fuck you' jibes toward my DC)

DH did label some of my DC's presents as being from SDC, it was just a bit disheartening seeing them come in and give DH a present whilst my two are sat there wondering if they have one too. Particularly my 3 year old.

Yes because your husband is their father, why wouldn't they want to give their father an xmas present?
Noti23 · 28/12/2020 01:31

I feel the need to point out...it’s ok for someone else to receive a gift in front of a 2-3 year old without them also receiving a gift! *shock horror.

FYI I’ve had to explain this to my 2 year old today. Otherwise you’ll end up having to give each child a present on each others respective birthdays (which one of my family members did to her children and, of course, they turned out very well...)

Robio · 28/12/2020 01:37

@CelestrialWarrior

All about presents and material things, I think the real act of Christmas is lost on a lot of people now.
The 'real act of Christmas', is whatever the actors want it to be. Christmas is a religious festival, and as I and my loved ones are not fans of such nonsense, we choose to make it what we want it to be, which may differ each year. So long as there is lots of M&S food, alcomahol, sex, persian rugs and playstamanation involved, I'm usually cool by thw pool. Seriously; the M&S malcolm-in-the-middle chocolate puds are groin-grabingly fanspastic. Onde day, when the smelly poor people get wind of what's been going on behind their defeated, crooked backs....all can say is that the ensuing revolution will be swift and bloody. Last year we tried Waitrose' closest product -I believe it was called, 'Gu"...No comparison. I may as well have thrown caution to hte wind and bought my family's dessert from Lidl!!!! ;)
plumtree · 28/12/2020 06:53

The older children should go shopping with their Dad or you for the gifts for their siblings in your family . Going forward the ex shouldn’t be expected to buy for your DH either, this should be your role.

DENGREEN · 28/12/2020 07:07

YABU - But only because your expectations are wrong. Is it usual for children in a family, especially under-10s, to buy each other Christmas gifts? I doubt your husband’s ex even thought about gifts from her children to yours. You meant well but your kindness is misplaced.

Sarahrellyboo1987 · 28/12/2020 09:04

YABVU and incredibly entitled

You and your children shouldn’t expect gifts from anyone!

You don’t fully know their mums financial situation and maybe she is really hard up.

Additionally, it’s their dads job and YOUR job! You should be helping them to buy their dad a gift.

Isitrainingihadntnoticed · 28/12/2020 09:10

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

BloggersBlog · 28/12/2020 09:34

Robio - you're trying hard I'll give you that. But give it up mate, no one is biting (apart from me, and this is out of pity 🤣)

coldwaterfeed · 28/12/2020 10:05

I thought it was quite funny 😂

LouJ85 · 28/12/2020 10:25

Please stop using part of my comments out of context for your own agenda.

It's not "out of context" in the slightest.
You said she "might feel that she should".
The word "should" is still in there, because she "might" (according to you) be feeling that way.
And my take on it is, she absolutely should not feel this and I really hope she doesn't!

If she "might want" to buy them presents for her own reasons - good for her; that's different. Feeling that you want to do something is a far cry from feeling that you should.

No agenda here - and all perfectly within context. Smile

snowisfallingallaroundus · 28/12/2020 10:31

@Isitrainingihadntnoticed

Reading through your responses.... You sound like a bitter, spoilt child. Wind your neck in, grow up and find some real shit to care about like...ummmm a pandemic

And the winner of Covid Guilt bingo is ....

comingintomyown · 28/12/2020 10:50

I checked and you haven’t answered the simple question did your DH fund / organise a present for her which suggests he didn’t. If that is the case then he is a disgrace because it’s things like that that DC will notice not a 2 and 3 year old wondering where their present is.

funinthesun19 · 28/12/2020 10:51

You and your children shouldn’t expect gifts from anyone!
Many children up and down the country have woken up expecting presents over the past couple days Grin And I bet the op’s dsc woke up expecting presents too!
And to be honest, an 8 and 9 year old (so the dsc), are more likely to be the ones expecting presents from people over a 2 and 3 year old who are just about starting to get the concept of presents.
I have a 2 year old and a 9 year old, and believe me, my 2 year old didn’t care. Whereas my 9 year old has been excited about Christmas Day since about September. So I highly doubt the op’s toddlers expecting anything. But I bet her dsc did.

You don’t fully know their mums financial situation and maybe she is really hard up.
Yeah always seems to be the case doesn’t it on these threads?

Additionally, it’s their dads job and YOUR job! You should be helping them to buy their dad a gift
It’s not up to the OP to buy her dsc a gift for their father at all.

LouJ85 · 28/12/2020 10:54

*You don’t fully know their mums financial situation and maybe she is really hard up.
*
^*Yeah always seems to be the case doesn’t it on these threads?
*^
But god forbid there's any suggestion of a NR father being financially hard up! He'd be a useless excuse for a father who "should have saved" for his kids etc etc ..... 🙄

LouJ85 · 28/12/2020 10:55

@funinthesun19

You and your children shouldn’t expect gifts from anyone! Many children up and down the country have woken up expecting presents over the past couple days Grin And I bet the op’s dsc woke up expecting presents too! And to be honest, an 8 and 9 year old (so the dsc), are more likely to be the ones expecting presents from people over a 2 and 3 year old who are just about starting to get the concept of presents. I have a 2 year old and a 9 year old, and believe me, my 2 year old didn’t care. Whereas my 9 year old has been excited about Christmas Day since about September. So I highly doubt the op’s toddlers expecting anything. But I bet her dsc did.

You don’t fully know their mums financial situation and maybe she is really hard up.
Yeah always seems to be the case doesn’t it on these threads?

Additionally, it’s their dads job and YOUR job! You should be helping them to buy their dad a gift
It’s not up to the OP to buy her dsc a gift for their father at all.

Interesting how the "YOUR" job is in capitals too. When they aren't her kids. 😂

LouJ85 · 28/12/2020 10:57

And the winner of Covid Guilt bingo is ....

... now been deleted! Grin

funinthesun19 · 28/12/2020 11:01

But god forbid there's any suggestion of a NR father being financially hard up! He'd be a useless excuse for a father who "should have saved" for his kids etc etc ..... 🙄

Exactly. Double standards yet again!

funinthesun19 · 28/12/2020 11:03

Interesting how the "YOUR" job is in capitals too. When they aren't her kids. 😂

Stepmums seem to have lots of JOBS. Amazing how they didn’t create these kids but somehow end up have more jobs than their actual parents at times.

jentinquarantino20 · 28/12/2020 11:21

I’ve not had chance yet to read the whole thread but I have to agree with those saying it’s your husbands responsibility. He is the biological parent to them all. An ex buying my kids presents would freak me out really (it did happen this year which is why I am saying it). Money is tight and she shouldn’t be expected to buy other children presents.

However saying that I do feel for your kids sat there wondering why they didn’t get anything. More communication next time and it’s all on your DH, not her.

daisystone · 28/12/2020 11:22

I suspect this has very little to do with the children and how many presents they receive and everything to do with the fact that you do not like your husband’s Ex wife and believe she does not like you or your children. Personally I do not buy for my ex husband’s other daughter with his partner. However my mother does (unasked) and sends presents from my DD to half sister, her father and the step mother. I have never received a Christmas present from ex DH or his new partner.

Localocal · 28/12/2020 12:38

Not only is this not the ex-wife's job, but you should have conferred with your DH about it in advance. As in - "shall I get the DSC presents from the DC and you do the reverse?" Let it go for this year - your kids are too little to twig any imbalance - and have the conversation with your DH for next year.

I was in a similar situation ten years ago. My DSC are in their twenties and my DC in their teens now. They have always had a lovely relationship. The ex-wife has never been a part of gifts between them and I never expected her to.

crazeelala2u · 28/12/2020 15:50

@Pip899

I see where people are coming from, but it wouldn't hurt her to spare a quid or two for selection boxes or a bar of chocolate surely?

It has never occurred to me not to buy something myself, to pass on to the DSC as it were from my DC.

I am on both sides of this. This is your partner's job, not their mother's. I would NEVER expect my daughters' half sisters' mother to do this. I have always put that on her father.
Aprilx · 28/12/2020 15:56

I haven’t read the full 19 pages but YABVVVVU.

Why should his ex wife buy gifts for two children that are nothing to do with her? You and more to the point your DH bought gifts for the older ones “from” the younger ones because they are all his children. He should have done it the other way around as well, that is, bought gifts for the younger children “from” the older ones if that is the thing in your house.

It was not up to the ex to do that. Take this to an extreme example, supposing you and DH had another fifteen children between you, are you seriously suggesting she should be paying for gifts for 15 children from the 2 she shared with your DH. No of course not, your DH should be doing that.

cannockcandy · 28/12/2020 16:04

@TeenageMutantNinjaCovid
I agree with you.
@Pip899 did you speak to your husband?

Rani123 · 28/12/2020 18:39

The dad should have also been involved. The ex may have other worries that meant she was unable to spend the money. It's been a difficult time and may not have been able to get out to buy something too.