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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My DC got nothing from their siblings..

485 replies

Pip899 · 26/12/2020 15:30

I have two children with DH age 2 and 3, DH also has two older children with his ex ages 8 and 9. The children have a lovely relationship with each other and the older ones dote on the youngest two.

For Christmas I bought the DSC gifts from me and also gifts 'from' my two. Buying 'from' the kids is something DH has always done but most importantly (because it's relevant) it is something his ex has always done too, for other people on behalf of the kids.

DSC arrived today to spend the night with us and have a second Christmas of sorts, they had a big pile of presents waiting for them with at least 5 being labelled as being from my DC.

DSC brought with them a present for DH that their mum gave them the money to buy - but nothing for my two DC.

I have no hard feelings toward the children whatsoever, they don't have money, I feel like this is their mother being petty.

AIBU to think this is almost spiteful?

It's the principle of the matter, even a chocolate bar would have been a nice gesture so it's not me being grabby.

OP posts:
LittleMissLockdown · 26/12/2020 15:39

I see where people are coming from, but it wouldn't hurt her to spare a quid or two for selection boxes or a bar of chocolate surely?

Why should she? She has no relationship with your children other than they are step siblings to her own children. They have a perfectly capable father who can take his children shopping to buy their siblings gifts.

MistletoeandGin · 26/12/2020 15:39

I think your DH should have taken them shopping for things for their siblings.

FuckOffDailyFailure · 26/12/2020 15:39

@Pip899

I see where people are coming from, but it wouldn't hurt her to spare a quid or two for selection boxes or a bar of chocolate surely?

It has never occurred to me not to buy something myself, to pass on to the DSC as it were from my DC.

But you have a stepmotherly relationship with her dcs (I'm guessing). She probably doesn't have that with your dcs.
MadameButterface · 26/12/2020 15:39

You have a relationship with your dsc though, she doesn’t have one with your dc.

Fedup21 · 26/12/2020 15:40

@Pip899

I see where people are coming from, but it wouldn't hurt her to spare a quid or two for selection boxes or a bar of chocolate surely?

It has never occurred to me not to buy something myself, to pass on to the DSC as it were from my DC.

Do, you think she should have spent a quid or two on selection boxes?

What did your DH get for his older children to give his younger ones?

Did he spend a quid or two? Is it the case that both of them did sod all but you’re blaming only her??

MadameButterface · 26/12/2020 15:40

X posts with everyone saying the same thing!

AaronPurr · 26/12/2020 15:40

@Pip899

She funds gifts for school friends who are nothing to do with her though?
It doesn't matter. Why are you ignoring the point everyone is making, that it should be you DH who should have bought them?
Mdmd · 26/12/2020 15:40

School friends she has a relationship with. Her kids see them on her time.
She doesn’t have anything to do with your children.

Why is your partner not responsible?

missrks · 26/12/2020 15:41

You're taking it way too personally! Would full siblings buy each other gifts?

Original poster
Pip899 · 26/12/2020 15:41

The reason I think it's a silent "fuck you" is because she's happy to do it for other people, SDC school friends, DSC aunt on DH's side etc.

If she didn't regularly do the above then I wouldn't have thought anything of it as I know it's not her responsibility

OP posts:
LittleMissLockdown · 26/12/2020 15:41

@Pip899

She funds gifts for school friends who are nothing to do with her though?
Well that's because they are her children's friends, if she was buying your children's friends gifts you might have a point.

It honestly sounds like you are just looking for a reason to be pissed off at her.

mrscampbellblackagain · 26/12/2020 15:41

YABU - totally on your DH to do this.

Fedup21 · 26/12/2020 15:42

Buying 'from' the kids is something DH has always done

But not this year?

Why not? When you asked him, what did he say? Or have you been too busy blaming his ex wife to ask??

ProudAuntie76 · 26/12/2020 15:42

@Mdmd

But you’re connected to the DSC coz you’re with their dad.

She’s not. Your children are absolutely nothing to do with her.

This.

Your DH knows your kids best, he’s the father of ALL these children. He should have involved the other kids in picking out something for your kids together. They all know your kids and know what they’d like.

Why should it be this woman’s obligation and not the father? Can only women be “petty and spiteful”? Or can you lay the blame squarely with the biological father of all the children rather than the woman who has no connection to your kids?

Homemadearmy · 26/12/2020 15:42

Agree with other posters, it's something your DH should have facilitated with them. His children are two young to think of it independently

We do a secret Santa with the kids not that they are old enough.

ChristmasAlone · 26/12/2020 15:42

That's your husbands job not his ex wives, there is a difference between why you do it and she doesn't. You naturally want to see a relationship build between them......

RicStar · 26/12/2020 15:43

Op you have just labelled a few bits you and dh have got for the kids for the toddlers, dh could have done the same for the toddlers but it would have been pretty meaningless, he could have taken the older two out shopping on a day you have access but this has not really been the year for unnecessary shopping. Expecting the ex to buy for your children is just odd imo. Its nice she buys for your dh.

PowerhouseOfTheCell · 26/12/2020 15:43

We get it, you want to blame the ex.

But its 100% your husbands responsibility

cactusisblooming · 26/12/2020 15:43

I buy presents for my dc's friends, teachers, neighbours. It has never occurred to me to buy them presents from each other, let alone their half siblings.

Fedup21 · 26/12/2020 15:43

OP: AIBU?
Mumsnet: Yes!
OP: no, I’m not

Oh dear...

RedskyAtnight · 26/12/2020 15:43

She buys presents for school friends, because she presumably sees the friends and (in normal years) they may well be frequently round the house so she knows them quite well.
Does she ever see your DC? Guessing not? So an entirely different situation. This was entirely for your DH to organise. Are you assuming the ex should have done it because she's female and it's woman's work to sort presents?

MadameButterface · 26/12/2020 15:43

And i would never buy a 2 and 3 yo some chocolate/cheap £1 tat just for the sake of it tbh, they are still very little at that age and don’t really take any notice. When mine were that age they always had a massive glut of things they were given that they didn’t really need or take any notice of on birthdays and christmas, and it actually used to make me feel a bit anxious/overwhelmed as my house is very small.

SmeleanorSmellstrop · 26/12/2020 15:43

But she IS connected to her children's schoolfriends - they're her children's schoolfriends?

Surely you must see that it would be absolutely bizarre for anyone to buy gifts for their exes children?

It is very much NOT the same thing as you buying for her children as like a PP said - you are their step parent! She is nothing to your children?

AaronPurr · 26/12/2020 15:44

It honestly sounds like you are just looking for a reason to be pissed off at her.

Yep.

An entire thread saying it should be the DH job, but OP is drip drip drip in her determination to blame the Ex wife. Hmm

vanillandhoney · 26/12/2020 15:44

This is all on your DH.

Your children are nothing to do with his ex - why on earth would she buy them a present? Bonkers.