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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My DC got nothing from their siblings..

485 replies

Pip899 · 26/12/2020 15:30

I have two children with DH age 2 and 3, DH also has two older children with his ex ages 8 and 9. The children have a lovely relationship with each other and the older ones dote on the youngest two.

For Christmas I bought the DSC gifts from me and also gifts 'from' my two. Buying 'from' the kids is something DH has always done but most importantly (because it's relevant) it is something his ex has always done too, for other people on behalf of the kids.

DSC arrived today to spend the night with us and have a second Christmas of sorts, they had a big pile of presents waiting for them with at least 5 being labelled as being from my DC.

DSC brought with them a present for DH that their mum gave them the money to buy - but nothing for my two DC.

I have no hard feelings toward the children whatsoever, they don't have money, I feel like this is their mother being petty.

AIBU to think this is almost spiteful?

It's the principle of the matter, even a chocolate bar would have been a nice gesture so it's not me being grabby.

OP posts:
YouBoughtMeAWall · 27/12/2020 13:46

Yep

Accidentaltransfer · 27/12/2020 13:56

DSC are YOUR DSC. Your DC are not exes DSC so you and her buying presents from the children to the children is not comparible. DH should have organised that.

LouJ85 · 27/12/2020 14:05

Because it’s a silly idea from the get go anyway

Agreed.

funinthesun19 · 27/12/2020 14:14

DH did label some of my DC's presents as being from SDC, it was just a bit disheartening seeing them come in and give DH a present whilst my two are sat there wondering if they have one too. Particularly my 3 year old

I think this all depends on whether the op went out and bought extra for the dsc to be specifically from her dc and the DH just whacked a label on a couple of the op’s children’s usual presents to claim they’re from dsc. Because if that’s the case it’s not really the same is it? Dsc probably had no idea what was in them!

YouBoughtMeAWall · 27/12/2020 14:18

DSC probably had no idea what was in them!

Of course they didn’t! OPs dc didn’t have any idea what was in the presents from them to their siblings either. None of the DC actually bought and picked the presents for each other.

MadameButterface · 27/12/2020 14:18

“ Because if that’s the case it’s not really the same is it? Dsc probably had no idea what was in them!”

They’re 8 and 9 fgs and there’s a global pandemic, they can hardly nip down harrods can they? They’d have had no idea what was in the presents regardless of which vagina haver was cashflowing this ridiculous and non essential wifework.

Rosehip345 · 27/12/2020 14:20

Talk to DH this is his responsibility and he’s obviously overlooked it. It’s not his Ex’s responsibility whatsoever

MadameButterface · 27/12/2020 14:21

And the op sadfacing over her toddlers stood there presentless while the dh opened his present the ex wife had bought and wrapped for the children to give their dad while making not a peep to indicate that that particular effort had been reciprocated from his side says a lot.

funinthesun19 · 27/12/2020 14:23

OPs dc didn’t have any idea what was in the presents from them to their siblings either.

They’re 2 and 3 so of course they won’t know. At 8 and 9 it’s not a crazy suggestion that they might have picked out something for their siblings if the present is from them. Even if it is just some chocolates. Jeez chill out.

They’re 8 and 9 fgs and there’s a global pandemic, they can hardly nip down harrods can they?

Again, chill out. Supermarkets are open. I’ve seen children in them. Hmm

YouBoughtMeAWall · 27/12/2020 14:27

At 8 and 9 it’s not a crazy suggestion that they might have picked out something for their siblings if the present is from them. Even if it is just some chocolates. Jeez chill out.

Chill out 😂

Yes it’s not unreasonable that they might have picked something out when their father took them shopping for Xmas presents. But their father failed to do that with them. So the fact they didn’t know what was in the presents is entirely on him and no reflection on the DSC or their mother.

YouBoughtMeAWall · 27/12/2020 14:29

And none of that changes the fact that all the DC had a present from their siblings. Making this thread entirely null.

funinthesun19 · 27/12/2020 14:31

Grin I feel like a bit of dick now saying that. You know when you post something and you think, “Whyyyy?”

Anyway, the whole idea of presents from siblings is silly unless they’re old enough to buy them themselves.

Callingallskeletons · 27/12/2020 17:40

You seem intent on blaming the Ex OP and not your DH, why is that?
Why should she buy gifts for your children? Do you not think she likely assumes the gifts from your DC to her children are bought via DH??

I am a child of divorced parents, I always bought my half siblings and parents myself - my mother definitely would not have bought presents for my siblings from me as A it wasn’t her job and B my (thankfully now ex) stepmother tried her best to make my own DM’s life hell purely because my DF had dared to have a wife and child before meeting her

Nowaynothappening · 27/12/2020 17:42

Did you expect DH’s ex to fund these presents? Your DH should have bought presents ‘from his DC’, not the ex- it’s not her responsibility to buy gifts for your children.

Livelovebehappy · 27/12/2020 17:48

Nope. Not on the ex, but most definitely on your DH. Flip it - would your DH have bought presents for his ex’s partner’s DCs? Absolutely not I would imagine.

BigCrimboCorona · 27/12/2020 17:52

@Pip899

She funds gifts for school friends who are nothing to do with her though?
That's totally different. This is the dads responsibility
Bookworming · 27/12/2020 17:55

You should be speaking to your DH, his parenting is lacking! Why had he not organised presents not only from the DSC to yours and indeed the other way round.

You clearly see this as wide work and therefore allow him to act like this.

The ex had done nothing wrong at all.

Pat123dev · 27/12/2020 17:55

Your children are nothing to with her. Yabu. You don't give to receive, but if you're bothered, Why didn't you speak to DH and say about it before? Ask 'arw we doing gifts between the kids this year'? Back in November with plenty of time to sort for Xmas.

Bookworming · 27/12/2020 17:56

*wife work

PegLegTrev · 27/12/2020 18:06

I find it really odd that my DSS’ Mum buys a gift for my DS. She has nothing to do with him and is a pain in the arse to deal with so I find it all so superficial and false. I’d prefer not to keep up the pretence.

Niowens · 27/12/2020 18:08

It's been a hard year. Maybe she had enough trouble sorting out her children's gifts? I really wouldn't push this subject because you could make dsc feel bad!

Scoobydoobydo · 27/12/2020 18:13

Perhaps if it had just been a chocolate bar you may be thinking they shouldn't have bothered

Diamondsandjems · 27/12/2020 18:13

Just weird. You can’t expect an ex wife who don’t even know your children to know what to buy them or to even spend her money on them. They are not her SC. I don’t understand

Itsalwayshard · 27/12/2020 18:13

In our household, I buy gifts from DSC for my DH and my DC. My husband also takes them shopping to buy me something so we all have something to open. We are a family as much as the DSC are with their mum. I'd never expect the ex to purchase gifts for my DC or my DH that is my job as "mum/wife" in our family unit. (Before anyone jumps on me the DSC don't call me mum)

Glitteryone · 27/12/2020 18:15

Since when did young siblings buy each other for Christmas?

YABVVVVVVVU IMO!