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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My DC got nothing from their siblings..

485 replies

Pip899 · 26/12/2020 15:30

I have two children with DH age 2 and 3, DH also has two older children with his ex ages 8 and 9. The children have a lovely relationship with each other and the older ones dote on the youngest two.

For Christmas I bought the DSC gifts from me and also gifts 'from' my two. Buying 'from' the kids is something DH has always done but most importantly (because it's relevant) it is something his ex has always done too, for other people on behalf of the kids.

DSC arrived today to spend the night with us and have a second Christmas of sorts, they had a big pile of presents waiting for them with at least 5 being labelled as being from my DC.

DSC brought with them a present for DH that their mum gave them the money to buy - but nothing for my two DC.

I have no hard feelings toward the children whatsoever, they don't have money, I feel like this is their mother being petty.

AIBU to think this is almost spiteful?

It's the principle of the matter, even a chocolate bar would have been a nice gesture so it's not me being grabby.

OP posts:
MollyMinniesMum · 27/12/2020 18:15

Why on earth should his ex buy your kids Christmas presents? Yabvu I’m afraid

saraclara · 27/12/2020 18:19

@Glitteryone

Since when did young siblings buy each other for Christmas?

YABVVVVVVVU IMO!

As I said earlier, it's not unusual. They might not have their own money to buy with, but choosing something to give a sibling at Christmas or birthday is how children learn to be thoughtful and kind. Doesn't matter that the parent has paid for it. It's thinking of their sibling and understanding the pleasure of giving that will make them want to buy gifts for family members when they DO have their own money.
GabsAlot · 27/12/2020 18:20

was i meant to buy my dsis presents when we were kids

cherish123 · 27/12/2020 18:21

It's your DH's job. Have it out with him.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 27/12/2020 18:21

Tbh I thought their siblings were adults. At 8 and 9 that is down to their father.
Hardly spiteful but thought that they are is spiteful

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 27/12/2020 18:22

Also 2 or 3 it’s not end of world

Allispretty · 27/12/2020 18:24

That's something your dh should have sorted not exw

user1472151176 · 27/12/2020 18:25

Ex wife doesn't buy gifts for your children from her children. Your husband and you should be doing that. Has this not happened previous years?

HunterHearstHelmsley · 27/12/2020 18:25

I'm a bit confused why people are saying to blame the husband... He did arrange presents from their half siblings. He put them under the tree with their other gifts.

HandyGirl76 · 27/12/2020 18:26

Why on Earth is it your husband's ex-wife's job to buy your kids gifts. Bonkers!

Indecisive12 · 27/12/2020 18:36

This is the most bizarre post. Surely the AIBU should be ‘Should DH have kept back the presents from DSC to DC so they could give them when they arrived’.
The answer would still be it really doesn’t matter.

Rowco · 27/12/2020 18:40

It sounds like you are keeping DH out of it.
It also sounds like you want to be angry with exw.

MrsDisney · 27/12/2020 18:41

So another way to look at it then, you and your husband must buy gifts for the mother of your step children from the children??

Jellyrunner · 27/12/2020 18:41

I’m repeating everyone else, but can’t believe you would expect your husbands ex to buy gifts for your DC. I’m in the same position as you and would never have expected that. If his ex had a baby with a new partner would you expect your DH to get presents from your step children for the new baby?

Passenger42 · 27/12/2020 18:49

Kids don’t buy each other presents, they have no money for starters and it’s ridiculous to expect gifts from toddlers. You need to get a grip and stop making a drama out of nothing.

Loujones27 · 27/12/2020 18:58

Op i totally get were your coming from... its acknowledgement that they have siblings. I was in same situation. And it made matters worse the ex bought for my husbands 2 nieces (who she only saw for the 2 years they were together) and missed out my child last year. But this year she bought him something. I always said its the acknowledgement of the fact hes part of their life. Even a card will do. Xx

Bookworming · 27/12/2020 18:59

I'm a bit confused why people are saying to blame the husband... He did arrange presents from their half siblings. He put them under the tree with their other gifts.

He didn't, he relabelled others presents. He should've actively involved his DCs from first marriage to buy presents for their siblings. He is as much a parent to them as the ex, it was his call and he didn't bother.

Cherryup · 27/12/2020 19:02

My DH's ex does actually buy our ds a gift but it's no way expected and I'm incredibly touched every year by the gesture, she also buys something for me from them too, very very kind.

YABU sorry, it certainly shouldn't be expected and not something to be upset about. It's a completely different scenario that she buys off them for other people in their life.

Your DC need their expectations managed so they don't notice or get upset by it either.

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 27/12/2020 19:05

I mean my kids do buy (and have always bought) each other presents, but I still don’t think it’s the ex wife’s job to facilitate this. My ex has another child.. ds buys for her now he’s an adult, but when they were younger it was on the dad to do that.

Gilld69 · 27/12/2020 19:08

i wouldnt expect an ex to buy my kids id expect hubby to buy gifts off his kids but yours are still young so they wont know the difference

clpsmum · 27/12/2020 19:11

This is all your dhs fault not his ex wife's! He should've sorted the gifts it's his responsibility. If your dc were upset it's their fathers fault!

funinthesun19 · 27/12/2020 19:13

Wow so many people getting hysterical about the thought of the ex wife buying presents for the op’s kids from her kids.

I agree that it’s not her job to do so and that the op’s DH should have done it, but my god some people on here really do go over the top with their disgust.
Someone said, “second batch of kids”... yeah because that’s not projecting is it?

The DH didn’t make an effort. All he did was stick a label on some presents that were already bought and passed them off as presents from his older children for his younger ones. Whereas the op made the effort to get presents specifically for her dsc from her children. Honestly from next year OP I would just cut this unnecessary stress out for good.

LouJ85 · 27/12/2020 19:15

Someone said, “second batch of kids”... yeah because that’s not projecting is it?

I might start referring to my partner's kids as the "first batch of kids". And wait for the outrage on here .... 😂

ejhhhhh · 27/12/2020 19:16

So, what you wanted to happen, was that upon the arrival of your DSC at your house, that your DSC gave your DC their presents personally? So the fact they were actually under the tree, rather than handed over, is the problem? I cannot see how your DH's ex is in any way responsible for this. It is not her responsibility to buy your DCs gifts, nor is it her responsibility to ensure that the gifts that you have bought, for your DC but on behalf of your DSC, are given in the way you deem most appropriate. You could have had a conversation with your DH about what you wanted to happen before their arrival, and sorted things accordingly. This is 100% on you and your DH, and it in no way involves your DH's ex. YAVVVVU.

anon666 · 27/12/2020 19:17

Dh