Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My DC got nothing from their siblings..

485 replies

Pip899 · 26/12/2020 15:30

I have two children with DH age 2 and 3, DH also has two older children with his ex ages 8 and 9. The children have a lovely relationship with each other and the older ones dote on the youngest two.

For Christmas I bought the DSC gifts from me and also gifts 'from' my two. Buying 'from' the kids is something DH has always done but most importantly (because it's relevant) it is something his ex has always done too, for other people on behalf of the kids.

DSC arrived today to spend the night with us and have a second Christmas of sorts, they had a big pile of presents waiting for them with at least 5 being labelled as being from my DC.

DSC brought with them a present for DH that their mum gave them the money to buy - but nothing for my two DC.

I have no hard feelings toward the children whatsoever, they don't have money, I feel like this is their mother being petty.

AIBU to think this is almost spiteful?

It's the principle of the matter, even a chocolate bar would have been a nice gesture so it's not me being grabby.

OP posts:
funinthesun19 · 27/12/2020 19:23

I might start referring to my partner's kids as the "first batch of kids". And wait for the outrage on here .... 😂

Yes could you imagine Grin
It really annoys me how people so freely refer to a man’s younger children in such rude ways.

And I bet a woman’s younger children with her husband aren’t seen as the “second batch of kids” Just, her kids.

lilylongjohn · 27/12/2020 19:24

I never buy my ex anything from our dc. That's not my responsibility now.

The same, as it's not your dh exw's responsibility to buy your dc gifts. This should fall to your dh. If you think he'll forget then maybe this is something g you could do on their behalf.

Brieminewine · 27/12/2020 19:26

Why would the first wife buy for her ex’s new kids?! They’re not her kids or anything to do with her. If you want your kids to have extra presents you need to sort it yourself...cheeky mare Grin

NursieBernard · 27/12/2020 19:28

Yes it's crap and shows lack of care but It was up to your DH to sort this out not his ex. You need to be having a conversation with your DH about it so it doesn't happen again.

christmasathomeagain · 27/12/2020 19:28

Dads job not ex wife's. YABVU

whostoletheeyeoutyourteddybear · 27/12/2020 19:30

You are being completely unreasonable! Your children are not her problem, but they are your husbands problem. Should could buy for all the children in Africa but it still doesn't mean she should buy for yours.

My almost 18 year old child got me nothing. I've a real reason to be pissed off. Jeezo.

christmasathomeagain · 27/12/2020 19:36

@Pip899

I see where people are coming from, but it wouldn't hurt her to spare a quid or two for selection boxes or a bar of chocolate surely?

It has never occurred to me not to buy something myself, to pass on to the DSC as it were from my DC.

But they are YOUR step children. Your children are nothing to do with the ex so why should she spare a quid or two for a selection box? I have a feeling if she had bought a selection box you would be complaining at lack of thought
christmasathomeagain · 27/12/2020 19:41

@Pip899

She funds gifts for school friends who are nothing to do with her though?
As should you dh but I bet he doesn't 😂
Battenburg1978 · 27/12/2020 19:49

OP, hope you at least feel better now that it wasn’t a deliberate slight against you from your DH’s ex.

We have a DSD and DD between us and do sibling presents - have always done since DD was born. The sibling presents are totally up to us to sort out within our own household, no way would there ever be an expectation that DSD’s Mum would shop for a sibling gift! It varies on who buys the gifts depending on how (dis)organised we are and in OPs shoes I would already have had a conversation with DP about the presents. What is really important is that DP shops with DSD for a Christmas gift for her Mum and her Mum does the same with DSD for DP (ditto Mother’s Day/birthday/father’s day). If it’s a year where DSD is not with us on Christmas Day itself, we do hold over the family presents to open when we are all together - sounds like that’s what went awry for the OPs Christmas as the sibling presents labelled by the DH had already been opened.

urkidding · 27/12/2020 19:53

You and your husband should have had a discussion about it with his ex wife. Your children are too small to notice and frankly it's all about unnecessary materialism. They don't need to give each other presents with your money. Keep your money and theirs in an account, university is expensive. I regret the amount of money spent on giving my children and other children unnecessary crap and the amount we ended up giving to charity shops when we moved house. I have several collections of bathroom products I'll never use. We need to have agreements not to give small unnecessary gifts, and spend time at Christmas paying silly games instead of opening presents.

funinthesun19 · 27/12/2020 19:54

But they are YOUR step children.

I don’t think either women should have to buy for each other’s children. Nice if they do, but not to be expected even of the op. The fact that they are the op’s stepchildren doesn’t mean she should have to spare a couple of quid for selection boxes either. They both share a father and it’s his job to buy the selection boxes for all of his children.

CelestrialWarrior · 27/12/2020 19:54

All about presents and material things, I think the real act of Christmas is lost on a lot of people now.

snugglepuff · 27/12/2020 19:55

Yabu. I don't think this is her remit at all. Your DH should have organic used. You're angry at the wrong one.

snugglepuff · 27/12/2020 19:56

Organised - not organic used 🙄

CelestrialWarrior · 27/12/2020 20:01

@Pip899

She funds gifts for school friends who are nothing to do with her though?
Yabu and grabby, why on earth should she buy her ex husbands new kids presents? Seriously?Shock
LouJ85 · 27/12/2020 20:06

@funinthesun19

But they are YOUR step children.

I don’t think either women should have to buy for each other’s children. Nice if they do, but not to be expected even of the op. The fact that they are the op’s stepchildren doesn’t mean she should have to spare a couple of quid for selection boxes either. They both share a father and it’s his job to buy the selection boxes for all of his children.

This.

Gohardorgohome · 27/12/2020 20:06

So you’re not mad at their father, but you are at their mum. Sounds an excuse to bitch on his ex to me 🤨 YABVU

snugglepuff · 27/12/2020 20:07

Reading this thread has hurt my head

Robio · 27/12/2020 20:08

My first reaction, to be honest, was derision and even mild disgust. All over the country -and the world, for that matter) there are people suffering. People who cannot be with their loved ones because of this nonsense virus. People who cannot afford to give their Children the kind of Christmas everybody wants for their kids. There are children going hungry. There are even children being raped and murdered.

But then I realised, that to have taken the time to bleat about your DH's ex not buying a chocolate bar for your kids, who sound like they're doing just fine in the present department, you must be a very unhappy woman, or at the very least, deeply unfulfilled.

Take a minute to appreciate what you and your kids are very lucky to have, imagine what life is like for the parents who couldn't be with their children over xmas, and ask yourself if maybe you need a relaity check? Not trying to be nasty; you asked. Love.

Nigglenaggle · 27/12/2020 20:10

Wow you are way out of line. Why are your traditions the winners? If you wanted this to happen you should have told your dh. Hes not psychic. Why on earth would you get a present 'from' a 9yr old? Because it's not really from them is it? This just reaks of materialism- it's the time you spend together that's important, not how much money theyve spent on your DCs. If you concentrated more on giving for the pleasure of giving, and less on what you're entitled to receive from people who frankly, at the moment, probably have bigger stresses than whether your children get another selection box, then not only would you be happier but the world would be a better place.

Robio · 27/12/2020 20:44

My partner and I spent Xmas eve through to Boxing Day morning eating, drinking, indulging in various substances and having sex in as many imaginative ways as we could think of. I've never had a happier 48 hours, or felt closer to another human being. We also had a nice time yesterday, playing playstation quiz games with my cousin's lovely young family, but she and her partner were clearly feeling the strain of keeping the kids and each other happy. That was the only thing that made me a little sad over xmas, and seeing that/reading posts like this, make me absolutely certain you've all made a horrible mistake! Other peoples' kids are great, but to ruin your body and life by bringing another useless mouth into the world...Then having to pretend, every single day, that it's the best thing you ever did! And what about those of you who had the kid that nobody likes!

Not once during my fantastic xmas, did I ever feel bitterness over somebody not buying....kid...selection box...what?!!

Merry Christmas! ;)

christmasathomeagain · 27/12/2020 20:47

@LouJ85 and @funinthesun19 my reply was to op in that she has a relationship so that is why she might feel she might feel she should buy but ex has no relationship to the ops kids.

As I stated in my first post the only adult who has any responsibility to buy in this scenario is op's DH. I guess a lot depends on finances in op's house. We share money so if a present is bought my me it's actually from both of us so that does colour my answers I guess or how I word them.

Loujones27 · 27/12/2020 20:50

@Mdmd

Why should I or any other mother who shares children with an ex acknowledge a woman who I have nothing to do with?
Because they are good enough to look after your children part time like they are their own.
IWantT0BreakFree · 27/12/2020 21:03

It really annoys me how people so freely refer to a man’s younger children in such rude ways.

And I bet a woman’s younger children with her husband aren’t seen as the “second batch of kids” Just, her kids.

I think it’s more intended as a slight against the father, not the children. That he has just sauntered off to create a new family and left the old one behind. And the reason it’s rarely levelled at women is because typically women remain the primary caregiver/resident parent to all of their children.
I understand that it might grate if your experience is of men who are superb fathers to all their kids/pay their way/are committed equally to all their children etc, but unfortunately lots of women look around and see dozens of blokes in their lives, their friends’ lives, their sisters’ lives etc who are of the feckless “sauntering off” variety, so it’s perfectly understandable and natural that this lived experience would be reflected in their language.
No idea if the OP’s DH fits this description, and I’m not saying I would necessarily use this kind of language myself without more details in the OP, but I can understand why people do and I think the blame ought to be levelled at the millions of feckless men who make this such a commonplace scenario, not at the women who notice the trend and/or are “projecting” because they’ve been affected by it.

Mdmd · 27/12/2020 21:06

@loulou0987 she doesn’t. At all.