Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to leave DH over left overs!

164 replies

Theruralrouse · 26/12/2020 13:14

NC as outing.

Only it’s not just about leftovers. When it comes to my DH I only ever have two options:

Option 1-
Me: (massively micro managing) Right, so Combine the meat products into one bowl and the veggies into another. Make sure to drain all the excess oil/water and cover them then put them straight in the fridge. Ok? You got that? Any questions?
DH: (eye rolling) I know how to pack up leftovers!!!

Option 2-
Me: Can you fridge the leftovers?
DH: yes sure.
next day
Me: (pregnant ugly crying at the uncovered mass of meat/veg soup sat in inches of oil and slop fluid and stinking of the strong smelling other fridge contents) FFS why did you even bother?
DH: (angrily) You just said fridge it. I’m not a mind reader!

It has occurred to me recently that when DH and I met I incorporated how he liked things. I make his food the way he likes, I wash his clothes the way he prefers, I generally do his stuff in line with his preferences. DH does all my stuff his way, unless I remind him every single time. He sees it as ‘no big deal’ and reacts with either angry silence or making out I’m over reacting. He is a wonderful father and provider and I think at this point that’s the only reason we are still together. We have no real relationship.

OP posts:
IMNOTSHOUTING · 26/12/2020 13:20

It has occurred to me recently that when DH and I met I incorporated how he liked things. I make his food the way he likes, I wash his clothes the way he prefers, I generally do his stuff in line with his preferences. DH does all my stuff his way, unless I remind him every single time. He sees it as ‘no big deal’ and reacts with either angry silence or making out I’m over reacting.

This is the key here I think. What he wants happens naturally and seamlessly. What you want 'is no big deal'. It's not important.

Original poster
Theruralrouse · 26/12/2020 13:31

He’s not a bad guy. In every other way he’s wonderful. Great dad/provider. Gives foot rubs, does chores.

It’s just really hit me how his stuff never goes wrong, he never gets let down or has stuff ruined for him whilst I routinely do. I feel this more whilst pregnant because stuff bothers me more.
Like fancying a leftovers sandwich all day just to find it’s a no go because DH couldn’t be bothered to drain/cover the food properly.

(I was breast feeding our other child at the time)

OP posts:
Annoy · 26/12/2020 13:33

The fridge left over doesn’t even have anything to do with your preferences... it’s about being a functional adult Hmm

Original poster
Theruralrouse · 26/12/2020 13:36

@Annoy
He’s a very functional adult just not in the ways that matter more to me than him!

OP posts:
madcatladyforever · 26/12/2020 13:40

I've found over the years that if you ask a man to do anything in the household they will do it as badly as possible so they never get to do it again. Its how they train their maids to do all of the housework.
As you've probably guessed I've been married a few times and now choose to live alone.

SmudgeButt · 26/12/2020 13:49

Well I'd start with really messing up how you wash his clothes. Shrink the lot or turn all the whites pink but chucking it in with a red towel.

MaskingForIt · 26/12/2020 13:51

Stop doing his things how he likes them being done. When he comments, tell him that if he can’t be bothered doing your things right, you can’t be bothered doing his things right.

Stop being a doormat and a martyr.

Also, make sure you keep working so that you can afford to leave him when he doesn’t shape up.

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 26/12/2020 13:55

I agree just do everything your way. It might not change how he does things but at least you wont be pissed off that you're putting yourself out when he doesn't do the same for you

rookiemere · 26/12/2020 14:32

I'm just concerned that you ate a dinner floating in centimetres of oil and slop fluid. When I tidied up the leftovers yesterday there was nothing to drain.

Cherrysoup · 26/12/2020 14:38

I'm just concerned that you ate a dinner floating in centimetres of oil and slop fluid. When I tidied up the leftovers yesterday there was nothing to drain

Whatever! I used a shit ton of oil yesterday to do the roasties, then drained the excess into the food waste bucket. Had I left the extra in the roasting tin, it would have been disgusting.

melissasummerfield · 26/12/2020 14:38

Just have a conversation about it, really no need to shrink all of his clothes or turn it into a point scoring exercise!

Honestly some of the advise you see on here is completely insane.

MaskingForIt · 26/12/2020 14:39

@rookiemere

I'm just concerned that you ate a dinner floating in centimetres of oil and slop fluid. When I tidied up the leftovers yesterday there was nothing to drain.
I wondered this too. My left overs look much like the original meal. Oil and slip don’t sound terribly appealing the first time round, let alone for left-overs.
Nottherealslimshady · 26/12/2020 14:41

It has occurred to me recently that when DH and I met I incorporated how he liked things. I make his food the way he likes, I wash his clothes the way he prefers, I generally do his stuff in line with his preferences. DH does all my stuff his way, unless I remind him every single time. He sees it as ‘no big deal’ and reacts with either angry silence or making out I’m over reacting.

God people like this do my head in, their way is right, your way is wrong. I do what you do, luckily so does DH. I'd stick with telling him how to do it properly, if he moans just ignore it.
I'm pregnant too, I wouldn't have traded my breakfast of leftover sandwiches for anything.

@rookiemere I'm guessing its veg that was still in the water it was cooked in, and meat still in the pan with juices etc stuff that wasn't served up.

Mydogissnooring · 26/12/2020 14:42

What is it that needs draining..? We always have leftovers, but don’t think we’ve ever drained anything.

coldwaterfeed · 26/12/2020 14:44

It has occurred to me recently that when DH and I met I incorporated how he liked things. I make his food the way he likes, I wash his clothes the way he prefers, I generally do his stuff in line with his preferences.

You need to stop. Match his level of effort. Let him wash how own clothes and cook for himself.

Nicketynac · 26/12/2020 14:45

Our veg was roasted in some butter/ honey and Chinese five spice concoction. There was oil in the bottom of the dish when it was ready - I served it with one of those spoons with holes in it so the oil doesn't go onto the plate. Is that weird? We have never made it like that before.
The leftovers def had to be drained.
OP I would be tempted to serve the leftovers to your DH as a slimy greasy mess.

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 26/12/2020 14:46

For the love of god, what does it matter if the sodding leftovers needed draining

The point is, OP does things the way her DP likes them done and he couldn't give a flying fuck how she likes things done

Meowchickameowmeow · 26/12/2020 14:46

Why were your leftovers swimming in oil and water?
Do people really do any of the passive-aggressive shit that gets suggested on here in their relationships?

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 26/12/2020 14:47

I hope you told him to clean the fridge and throw the leftovers away into the correct bin

If he doesn't want to be treated like a man baby he shouldn't act like one

Kumquatsquash · 26/12/2020 14:48

Lots of people managing to miss the point Hmm

MaskingForIt · 26/12/2020 14:49

It has occurred to me recently that when DH and I met I incorporated how he liked things. I make his food the way he likes, I wash his clothes the way he prefers, I generally do his stuff in line with his preferences.

This is where I think women put themselves at a disadvantage by trying to pass some kind of invisible “wife test”. They lit themselves last trying to “prove” that they are the prize women, and don’t think about how that will work out for them 5 years and a couple of children later.

Mydogissnooring · 26/12/2020 14:50

To cover leftovers is pretty basic to say the least..it’s not about how you want it done’your way, he is just a lazy sod blaming you.

DeciduousPerennial · 26/12/2020 14:52

It’s just really hit me how his stuff never goes wrong, he never gets let down or has stuff ruined for him whilst I routinely do

This is what you need to tell him. With the addition of “because I care enough to pay attention to how you like things and what you care about. I need you to do the same for me.”

ikltownofboothlehem · 26/12/2020 14:52

Lots of people managing to miss the point

Yep. Always has to be the woman's fault somewhere.

ComtesseDeSpair · 26/12/2020 14:52

One of the things I had to learn when I decided not to live alone is that it means I either accept that the other person I live with has different ways of doing things, or I do everything myself so that it always goes my way.

I picked the former. And honestly, the world hasn’t stopped turning. As long as there’s no material damage or loss, I really couldn’t get worked up about another adult having a different method of storing food, and I would neither expect DP to change his way of doing everything so that it incorporated my preferences, not change my way so that it incorporated his.