To want to leave DH over left overs!

[Theruralrouse]

NC as outing.

Only it’s not just about leftovers. When it comes to my DH I only ever have two options:

Option 1-
Me: (massively micro managing) Right, so Combine the meat products into one bowl and the veggies into another. Make sure to drain all the excess oil/water and cover them then put them straight in the fridge. Ok? You got that? Any questions?
DH: (eye rolling) I know how to pack up leftovers!!!

Option 2-
Me: Can you fridge the leftovers?
DH: yes sure.
next day
Me: (pregnant ugly crying at the uncovered mass of meat/veg soup sat in inches of oil and slop fluid and stinking of the strong smelling other fridge contents) FFS why did you even bother?
DH: (angrily) You just said fridge it. I’m not a mind reader!

It has occurred to me recently that when DH and I met I incorporated how he liked things. I make his food the way he likes, I wash his clothes the way he prefers, I generally do his stuff in line with his preferences. DH does all my stuff his way, unless I remind him every single time. He sees it as ‘no big deal’ and reacts with either angry silence or making out I’m over reacting. He is a wonderful father and provider and I think at this point that’s the only reason we are still together. We have no real relationship.

DH has just come in with his shirts, which I hung up hours ago, and put them the way he likes them on the radiator. I said nothing at all about this implied criticism: he was at liberty to sort them himself when they came out of the washing machine, but didn't. I will say this, though: things dry much better if the radiators are actually on.
I find this time between Christmas and New Year can be very hard on a relationship if you don't normally have proper teamwork already established and you become frustrated with the shortcomings of your DP's methods. It's not a great time to be making judgements on your entire relationship, especially if you're pregnant. Or even just hungry.

@Hollybutnoivy - I'm no domestic slave to DH. He suggested the other week that the method I use of cleaning the floor - I use one of those absorbent pad things and he prefers a mop - was inferior to his. I said nothing, but have stopped mopping the floor so he can do it with his superior ways.

I know we are saying it's not about the leftovers, but really to a large extent as that's the example given, it is. And it seems as an example to me that OP is being a bit fussy and I'm not sure that anyone would know that they needed to be drained and vegetables stored separately.

He doesn’t respect you.

Google the mental load. He’s not a wonderful father. He is selfish.

What's with all the slip and slop?
Our leftovers and bordering on dry and frazzled.

Exception being left over cockerel from Aldi- was amazing, having it tonight with home made chips, salad and Nandos sauce.

Does he fail to adult when it comes to other people OP (his boss, his parents, best mates) or is it just you whose needs are routinely disregarded?

Pick your battles. It's called marriage. You two are not identical and don't think alike. If he is a good father and provider just deal with the other not-so-great bits. He probably hasn't even noticed you've changed the way you do things to do them 'his' way! Maybe you're hormonal, but really.. Pack the left overs yourself and enjoy your sandwich

DH and I packaged up the leftovers together yesterday. The only question was over what to do with the leeks cooked with bacon. Veg or meat?

And I served straight onto plates, so the leftover potatoes and parsnips (enough for todays bubble and squeak) were still in oil while we ate and only came out of the oil afterwards - so would be easy for someone incompetent to tip oil into a bowl with other stuff.

YANBU if he's ruined food by not engaging any consideration for how this should be achieved/

I did the first strategic-incompetence of our relationship. DH was in the army and asked me to iron his uniform. I lightly ironed a second crease on the front of his trousers and when he rushed to show me how it was done properly I said ' oh you were shown how to do this. I'll leave it to you'. It was that or have a rant about I'd carefully picked non-iron fabrics to wear over many years and no fucking way was I turning the iron on regularly except when patchworking and other crafts and he could fuck off, literally fuck off all the way out of the new relationship, if he thought I was going to be his house-slave. It was the honeymoon stage of the relationship so I didn't do that. The main reason the iron has been on this year is to press the folds of our home-made masks

@JohnMiddleNameRedactedSwanson

It isn't about the leftovers!

Then it shouldn't have been the title of the thread plus the majority of the OP's post

This post is quite ridiculous, and indicates that you don't know how to have a normal and proper way of living in your kitchen and home. It is quite amusing,that you would consider leaving your Husband because of left over food slops, and other annoying habits.Some men just can't organise things properly at home, so that's the way it is. !

Men often get it wrong on purpose do you don't ask them again. Stop making life so easy for him. Make a few mistakes and see how he likes it.

*Stop doing his things how he likes them being done. When he comments, tell him that if he can’t be bothered doing your things right, you can’t be bothered doing his things right.

Stop being a doormat and a martyr.

Also, make sure you keep working so that you can afford to leave him when he doesn’t shape up.*

This

So so so much this that I cannot express how much it's this

STOP stop stop giving him what he wants until he reciprocates. Stop martyr-ing yourself over and over

I would bet on it that he is not a ‘wonderful father’ at all, but simply does basic, bog standard parenting sometimes and OP thinks that’s something to be grateful for. He’s not too interested in doing things you’ll appreciate, OP, and dismisses you when you speak, ‘there’s no real relationship’ but you both were having unprotected sex a few months ago? All sounds like a weird way to choose to live.

I don't understand the leftovers bit, what is all this oil? Just use a bit on the roast veg, turn them over a few times and they come out beautifully, you don't want extra oil in the pan because then you can't serve it without patting down with kitchen roll, which is all far too much faff. As for veg, if you don't get it out of the water it will overcook, not draining it straight away is horrible. It doesn't sound like great leftovers because of being served like that, but you can dab up any oil and water and then fix them up with a stint in the oven. We had meat and veg in some pots, they're the sides (kilted sausages, stuffing etc); it all gets eaten today so there's no problem at all with that.

I have to put all that down as exaggeration, because the meal sounds awful otherwise. So I can't think you're dealing with more than a dribble of oil and water; meanwhile switching to wash dark clothes at 30 degrees or whatever isn't actually effort. Does he also cook, clean, launder etc? If not then that's your issue, not whether he puts a few bits in the fridge according you how you like it done.

Some men just can't organise things properly at home, so that's the way it is. !

Absolutely

It is the way it is

If my partner/husband were inadequate and refused to grow up and step up.... I'd allow him to be that way but insist that he is that way, living elsewhere

1forAll mortified for you that you think ‘some men just can’t organise things in the home’. What low standards you have. Does your boyfriend/husbands dick fall off if he has to do housework? Must be so difficult on him 😔

@ComtesseDeSpair

One of the things I had to learn when I decided not to live alone is that it means I either accept that the other person I live with has different ways of doing things, or I do everything myself so that it always goes my way.

I picked the former. And honestly, the world hasn’t stopped turning. As long as there’s no material damage or loss, I really couldn’t get worked up about another adult having a different method of storing food, and I would neither expect DP to change his way of doing everything so that it incorporated my preferences, not change my way so that it incorporated his.

This.

It’s why I don’t live with OH.
At 20 I could live anywhere with anyone because I didn’t mind about how people to things and that included boyfriends.
At 50 I am not so free and easy but that’s my issue not other people..

*Absolutely

It is the way it is

If my partner/husband were inadequate and refused to grow up and step up.... I'd allow him to be that way but insist that he is that way, living elsewhere*

I agree I have no room in my life for a manchild.

My OH has ASD, very high functioning, brilliant employer who paid for a diagnosis and treatment.
Was always very messy at home, but since the help has systems in place at work and home to make sure that he is organised.

I have to constantly remind my husband that I like things done differently to him , just like I like different foods etc

To be honest I don’t know where all the fluid came from. We had a large bowl of roasties and 2 of roast veg I think both had a small amount of olive oil in the bottom and when tipped in together this added up. I suspect DH may have tipped some left over gravy in as looked quite dark. Certainly should have been drained before storing (I would have automatically done that). I don’t even know where to start on it not being covered up.

I run a very organised kitchen. Tuppawear for every occasion and everything labelled/organised. I do suspect DH does things badly because he either doesn’t care or doesn’t want me to ask him again. I’m fed up of carding the mental load.

Annoying thing is I’d rather have done it myself! Until DH learns to breast feed though I do occasionally have to rely on him to do something whilst I’m tied up.

It never seems to end well and I’m getting fed up.
Today I’ve been up with DC since 4am, DH slept till 9am and has already had to have a nap because he’s ‘sooooooo tired’!

Poor guy

I don't think roast veg keep well as they have lost their crispness by the next day. Ditto boiled veg. I might use either/both for soup.

I rarely cover leftovers with the possible exception of raw meat - eg a chicken carcase.

It's easy to see what the leftovers are if they are uncovered and I've never had any problem with other things in the fridge smelling of say, garlic or chili as a result.

It sounds a bit precious to me - one of those areas where it might be better to try and accept people do things differently, or aim for a a bit of compromise. Rather then 'Do it my way or this relationship stinks.'

You have to pick your battles and your compromises. If you feel that you are the one who makes all the compromises you’ll need to have a calm conversation, not accusingly though because he may be unaware. You may also be unaware of things that bother him.
It sounds as though resentment has kicked in so this needs to be tackled.
One person’s absolute no no is very different from another so just have the conversation.

, DH slept till 9am and has already had to have a nap because he’s ‘sooooooo tired’!

You and the children deserve better

Spend a little time working out if he can be that better

If not, get rid

I know NAMALT but I'm afraid in my experience men tend to put themselves first all the time. What they want/need comes above everyone else. This extends to people doing things that make them look good. Example - if my parents come the attitude is 'well they can eat what we're having'. If his parents come its 'only like roasts, need to do that'. It took me a while to cotton on to this and like you I realised that I was indeed putting him before me. This has stopped now and we often have the 'well that's what YOU like but that's not what the rest of want'. I have seen on many occassion that this attitude has confused him and even made him angry (why did you eat the bread without asking MEEEE first! what am I going to have to lunch!) Respect for others and the way they do things is key.

So what are you going to do to to make your life better? That guy doesn’t give a shit, he’s open about it, so it falls to you to decide what kind of life you want.

People wanting the derail the thread by wittering on about their own cooking methods-why not start your own thread?